Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Nice jorts, asshole. Is there an unwritten rule that if you win the Heisman Trophy, you must wear denim shorts? It's probably like the rule that all balding white guys have to shave their head. Who do you think you're fooling anyway? We all know that you're not training for some swimming competition for 30 year olds! Where was I? I get so lost doing this. Oh yeah!
There really is no reason to watch the programming on The Big Ten Network. You would think that the sports on the network would be bad enough but the stories behind the crappy teams are even worse. And don't even get me started on Tom Hamilton either. But, in my opinion, they've got a good idea (in theory) debuting this month with "The Big Ten Quad":
In each episode of the eight-week series, Eddie George, the Heisman Trophy winner and former NFL running back, hosts three Big Ten personalities in an open forum taped in front of a live studio audience at Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism. The show will capture natural conversations that would take place even if the cameras weren’t rolling. Some of the panelists will be: Wisconsin Football Coach Bret Bielema, Ron Dayne, Gene Keady, Desmond Howard, Michael Redd and Jeff George.
This could be pretty cool if they are telling stories from their playing days and not just re-hashing drab, boring uncontroversial statements. I prefer lies. If the week's panel just keeps trying to one-up each other in a Bill Brasky-esque kind of way, I would watch that. Greatest peptalk ever given by Brian Ellerbe? No. Taking 5 minutes of the show to play "Guess What Robert Gallery Smells Like" or "Aloysius Anagonye's Best Fouls"? I'm all in!
I've seen Eddie George on camera on that weirdo FSN fantasy football show with Jay Glazer and he isn't bad. I wish him well in this endeavor and hope that he is better at facilitating conversation than he is at marrying hot ass.
This is Taj George. She is married to a guy that played for over a decade in the NFL and won the Heisman trophy. If I saw her walking down the street, I would cross to the other side. Not because she's black, but because I'm afraid of women 8 times the size of me. She is currently on Survivor (I don't care what you think about me for watching this). She looks like a manlier version of Venus Williams (if that was possible). I informed the roommate of Eddie's wife being on the CBS reality show and it went something like this:
G$: Hey, that's Eddie's wife. For some reason, she's killing herself for a million pre-tax dollars that she doesn't need. She's ugly as sin.
Red: Do you remember (name redacted eventhough none of you would know who it is)?
G$: Yeah, I think so.
Red: She slept with Eddie. Told everyone that he has a small penis.
G$: Well. That is...something?
So what did we learn today about the Heisman Trophy-winning running back?
-Hosting a new show
-Potentially tiny dinger
While you sit there trying to digest what you just wasted the last 5 minutes of your life on, remember this: this is exactly the kind of stupid shit that you come here for. Feel free to check out my sister site: floppyathletecocks.com. Li'l Strut does a good job of keeping that updated. If I didn't know any better, I would think that this blog just came out of the closet...