Monday, February 02, 2009

Super Bowl XLIII Live Journal

Wow. What a game. Let's get right into my running diary/live journal of one of the many reasons why I fucking love the NFL.

6:15 First Brenda Warner sighting...looking fine!
6:17 Hey Faith Hill, it's "purple mountains majesty", not "purple mountain majesties". Idiot. Learn the fucking words, you terrorist.
6:21 Pretty good national anthem from Jennifer Hudson. And here come the Blue Angels! As Seymour Skinner says about them, "the biggest waste of American taxpayer's money!"

First Quarter:
6:27 Terry McAuley? Really? Was Jerome Booger busy? This guy is a terrible official.
6:32 Ben Roethlisberger, Miami University...always makes me smile
6:33 BIG pass to Hines Ward for 38 yards. I guess his knee is OK after all.
6:38 TOUCHDOWN BEN! Uh oh, could be a long night for the Cards. Whizzenator is challenging.
6:42 TD overturned, good call. WHY IS MIKE TOMLIN KICKING THE FIELD GOAL! Total bitch move.
6:48 Mike Gandy holds James Harrison. I'm setting to over/under on Gandy holding penalties at 3.5. I would take the over.
6:50 Ike Taylor says that he is from "Swaggin'"...way to perpetuate a steretype, douche. I don't even know what that means.
6:51 The Conan O'Brien Bud Light commercial was hilarious. Well done.
6:54 OHHHHHHHHH! Big Ben had Washington open deep but underthrew it. Shit!
6:57 GREAT PLAY BY BEN on 3rd and 10 to find Heath Miller. The kid knows how to dodge bullets, baby.
6:58 Willie Parker running the Wildcat? What an awful decision.
7:01 The Steelers are DOMINATING. 3-0 after the first.

Second Quarter:
7:06 Land of the Lost looks like the worst movie ever. Will Ferrell needs to go away for awhile.
7:08 Gary Russell scores a touchdown in the Super Bowl? Is this the bizarro world? Cousin Sal is going to be pissed.
7:12 The Budweiser Clydesdales have been making terrible commercials for a very long time. They need to send those horses to the glue factory.
7:17 Larry Fitzgerald has no catches and I don't even think they've thrown to him yet. Good job by Swaggin'.
7:20 HUGE pass from Warner to Boldin down to the 2.
7:21 Ben Patrick scores in the Super Bowl? If you parlayed that Patrick and Russell would both score, you would be a millionaire today. 10-7.
7:28 Big first down pass to Holmes, it's too bad that Chris Kemoeatu did what he does best...hold.
7:31 Long punt return by Steve Breaston. Mitch Berger still looks like a fetus.
7:33 Steelers finally get to's Woodley.
7:39 Bud Light gives us a Drinkability skiing commercial in which guys skis into trees. Somewhere Sonny Bono is smiling. Probably in Hell.
7:41 Ben's pass gets deflected and Dansby picks it off. Uh oh, the Cards have the momentum.
7:45 NBC tells us that coming up at halftime, MATT MILLEN will be breaking down the first half! Lions fans everywhere vomit into their food stamps.
7:48 FINALLY, Fitz gets a catch.
7:54 First dumbass Madden quote of the night, "James Harrison ran like James Brown!" That makes absolutely no fucking sense at all. Well done, John. James Brown is dead.

8:05 Madden can not upstage that idiot Bruce Springsteen, "Is anyone alive out there?" Does he think that the crowd is half humans and half zombies? People from New Jersey are the worst.
8:20 Well, that halftime show was shallow and pedantic. I'm not a Boss fan though. It's always nice to see Silvio Dante and Max Weinberg.
8:24 has Carlos Boozer doing commercials for them? Was Darko not available? It feels like they settled here.

Third Quarter:
8:32 Edge James is actually here and surprisingly running well. Who would've thunk it.
8:35 Warner fumbles! No, he didn't. That was an awful call and easy overturn.
8:42 Did someone say "CUBA GOODING, JR"!!! Hell yeah, the most famous Arizona Cardinal of all time is in the house!
8:46 Turn your heads, Browns fans, we've got a Hines Ward Smile Alert. And Madden just said that Hines "loves to play football"! He's just like Brett Favre!
8:50 Willie Parker with a big run and it's first and goal. I'm surprised by this because he's awful.
8:53 Horrible stupid penalty by Adrian Wilson on the field goal attempt giving the Steelers 4 more downs. Dumbass.
8:56 Didn't matter though, the Steelers redzone offense is rotten. Field goal good 20-7 Pittsburgh.
9:01 These are the worst commercials that I've ever seen. It was like they weren't even trying. Fucking Terrible.

Fourth Quarter:
9:04 I'm officially starting to get bored here. Something needs to happen soon otherwise I'm going upstairs and watching some porn.
9:06 Surprisingly, no Larry Fitz Sr. references yet. Madden must have forgot about the guy.
9:08 Hold #2 on Mike Gandy
9:10 Cardinals have to punt. I'm calling it now, this game is over.
9:12 Tom Green! Dennis Rodman! Andrew Dice Clay! Celebrity Apprentice is coming soon. You've got to be kidding me.
9:14 Another stupid penalty on the Cardinals. This is getting embarrassing.
9:17 The Polamalu/Coke Zero commercial is actually pretty funny.
9:19 There is the first Larry Sr. mention! It's about fucking time. That shitty newspaper has been waiting for their shout-out.
9:25 TOUCHDOWN FITZ! Maybe this isn't over yet? 20-14 Steelers
9:30 They brought up Larry's dad, but still no mention of Junior beating the shit out of his baby mama...when are they going to talk about that? Or Holmes' past as a Florida drug dealer?
9:31 Big sack by Dockett! The Steelers O-Line is abysmal.
9:34 MACGRUBER! I love those SNL sketches.
9:35 Stupid personal foul penalty by "Swaggin'"...I really hate that guy.
9:37 Hold #3 by Mike Gandy. Hell of a game by that young man.
9:39 Cardinals have got to punt and pray here. 2 first downs by the Steelers and this will be over. Nice punt downed at the 2. James Harrison just cost himself the MVP with his cheap shot personal foul penalty.
9:43 Did Willie Parker just get tackled in the end zone? Nope.
9:44 HUGE first down by Ben to Santonio. Wait, dumbass Hartwig was holding in the endzone. SAFETY! 20-16! The Steelers O-line is going to cost them the Super Bowl.
9:48 TOUCHDOWN FITZGERALD! Holy shit! How did he get that wide open? WOW! 23-20 Cardinals. I'm not sure that I'm ready to live in a world in which Arizona is a champion.
9:52 Another hold on the Steelers, that line fucking sucks ass.
9:55 Another BIG first down by Holmes
9:57 Santonio with a big run down to the 5 with 43 seconds left!
10:00 TOUCHDOWN! BIG BEN TO SANTONIO! AMAZING FANTASTIC TITS BONER CATCH! WOW! Holmes does the LeBron "powder" TD celebration! Holy fucking shit! 27-23 Steelers! I think I just simultaneously pissed, shat, and nutted in my shorts! I'm a real triple threat!
10:06 Fitz gets a first down, they need 56 more yards to win this thing.
10:08 Warner fumbles! Steelers recover! Tomlin gets the Gatorade bath!
10:09 Steelers get Super Bowl win #6! What a great 4th quarter! Fuck yeah!

Wow. Even if you hate the Steelers, you have to admit that that was an amazing football game. Both quarterbacks were fantastic. Both running games blew ass. Fitzgerald and Holmes kept trying to one-up each other. Both offensive lines sucked. The defenses both played fairly well with the exception of dumb penalties. It had it all. Personally, that was a better game than last year's. At least in my opinion. And let's end this debate now, Ben Roethlisberger is an elite top-3 QB in the league. You can say that he can't ride a motorcycle or whatever, but the guy is a flat-out stud that justs wins. HE HAS TWO SUPER BOWLS IN HIS FIRST 5 YEARS! Neither of the retard Manning's can say that. Neither can Brees, McNabb, Romo, etc. It's time to give the guy the love that he has earned.

Finally, I decided to throw my hat back in the ring and make some bets. It had been awhile since I did this, but I put money down on 5.
Steelers -6.5 (lost)
Willie Parker over 84.5 rushing (lost)
Willie Parker over a HALF yard receiving (lost, thanks, jerk)
Fitz getting over 27 yards more than Hines Ward (WIN!)
and finally...

SANTONIO HOLMES TO WIN THE MVP! 15:1 ODDS! WIN! WIN! WIN! I'm in the fucking money! I'm going to go out and buy my very own Thai hooker. YOU OWE ME SOME COIN, BETUS.COM!!!

What a great Super Bowl (the game and more importantly, my finances). STEELERS, BITCH!


Grumpy said...

Like you don't fuck with the Terrible Towel, you don't diss The Boss.

Dustin said...

If you put any of those qbs on the steelers they have 2 superbowls. What did Ben do to win the first one? 9 of 23 with 2 picks?? He's on a great team and in a great system. If that was Brady Quinn they probably wouldn't lose for the next 3 to 4 years.

Dustin said...

Nice call on san Antonio... Good thing you didn't listen to me!

Jeff said...

Dut get your head out of your ass and see the light. Game winning drives late in the forth quarter are not done by many qb's regularly. And to have done it so many times in his career and in the playoffs, not to mention the super bowl makes Ben a great one. And to do what he did with that offensive line says a lot. You can't honestly tell me you would take Brady Quinn over Ben. Browns suck, Quinn sucks, the browns will never win a super bowl and if they do the Steelers will have at least 10 by then.

Mr. Ace said...

Big Bum is not top 3. Get the fuck out of here. Without James Harrison this game wouldn't have even been close. Can't show the Kent Stater some love?

Brady Quinn is a deep throat champ.

Holmes' Lebron celebration was fucking great.


rstiles said...

Nice job on your blog!!!

So you are on Betus too???...yep, I lost too minus the points...but I hit a small bet on the money line...

GMoney said...

Big Ben has 62 wins in his first 5 years. You can hate all you want to, but the guy is a winner. The greatest winner playing football today.

That is the WORST offensive line in Super Bowl history and he won the game in spite of them. There is NO QB playing today that could have done that. Not Brady. Not Manning. Nobody.

He is elite. You have no argument that can refute that.

Ace, Harrison was fine. I was one of the few people that loved his cheap shot. I used to do that shit every day in football practice.

Also, the booth said after the game that they looked at it and found it to be a fumble. It didn't need a second look.

Allan Stokke said...

Fact: James Harrison would sit down on the field indian style and refuse to practice when he was a Golden Flash

Also Fact: James Harrison forced one of his Kent St. teammates to take a shot at gunpoint while at a party.

GMoney said...

Fact: James Harrison is even more badass than I thought.

Tony B. said...

MacGruber is hilarious!

This post is brought to you by Pepsi ©.

Mr. Ace said...

G$, only you would cheap shot your own teammates in practice...that is no surprise to anybody.

Stokke, I thought you got your retard computer privileges pulled for your last retard comments...

GMoney said...

Ace, that is what happens when you suck and have to play against me on the scout team. I played until the whistle, dammit! If they weren't paying attention, that isn't my fault. HEAD ON SWIVEL!

Mr. Ace said...

Coach Snoad just nutted

Allan Stokke said...

Jesus Christ someone is on my nuts worse then the crabs I got from Mr. Ace's Mom.

Remember kids, internet. Serious Business.

Also, those stories were true, I've got eyewitness accounts.

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