Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I've Already Ordered My Nike KoKo's

We all know that currently the economy is in the toilet. People are losing their jobs, losing their health care, and not buying things. But not everyone is struggling. Take the giant shoe conglomerate known as Nike. Apparently, they have more money than they know what to do with. How do I know this? No, I was not pouring through their tax returns or anything like that. I base this on what is being reported in a newspaper that sounds fake. Nike has enough money to give it away to really crappy basketball players.

Kosta Koufos, a Utah Jazz rookie, recently signed an endorsement deal with Nike that compensates him with cash and merchandise, the Canton Repository reported yesterday. Nike also will supply Koufos' alma mater, GlenOak High School, with shoes, travel bags and warm-up suits each year of the contract, the length of which was not disclosed.

Really, Nike? Kosta Koufos? The 1oth man on the Utah Jazz? He's the guy that you think can push more shoes? There can't be that many Greek kids that can ball in the Salt Lake City area. This is absolutely ridiculous. The guy isn't even liked in his homestate! KoKo is just waiting for the day in which Luke Walton, Brian Scalabrine, and Mark Madsen leave the league so he can officially become the worst player in the league. Yet he just got a shoe deal. The world makes no sense. You know what else makes no sense? Take it away, KoKo.

Koufos, home in Canton during the NBA All-Star break, said "there is no doubt in my mind" that leaving Ohio State after one season "was the right decision."

Oh, sweet Jesus. There is no way that he could possibly believe that. The guy is lucky to play 5 minutes a week. The only thing that this tells me is that he is only playing hoops for the money. That's it. He's a fucking mercenary and he isn't good at it. He wasn't ready to go to the NBA and he still isn't ready to play there. He could have used AT LEAST one more year in school. And think about it: would a frontline of KoKo and WT Mullens be the most loathed duo in college hoops history? They would be up there with Laettner and Hurley and Hansbrough and anybody else. Thanks for robbing me of my angst, jerk.

And before we go, I found a picture of Nike's 2010 KoKo Deluxe...now available in Payless Shoes stores and Salvation Army's everywhere. Fortunately for you, the consumer, each shoe comes with a turd already in it. Fuck you, KoKo.

4 comments:

J Beanie said...

Hey buddy! Remember me? KoKo (worst nickname ever but it fits since he is the worst person ever) set the bar really low at Ohio State and paved the way for players like Evan Turner, William Buford, and B.J. Mullens, to think "if KoKo can get a Nike shoe deal and he sucks, I suck just as bad, probably worst, so I can get a deal with at least Reabok. Yep, the Plain Dealer this morning is reporting those three are going to leave OSU. So at least in three years when they are all out of basketball, they can form a mediocre park and rec. basketball team.

GMoney said...

Welcome back, whistle-dick.

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