Tuesday, February 24, 2009
ESPN takes a lot of shit for trying to ruin sports. Most of that is well deserved and I can back that up with retarded ideas like Who's Now, Mount Rushmore, Titletown, and Stuart Scott. But for one day, feel free to pat the Worldwide Leader on it's collective back. For they finally righted a wrong and it was a long time coming.
They cut ties with Emmitt Smith.
There is no one on TV that was worse at their job than Emmitt. He doesn't even know how to speak English. You've got to think that ESPN was counting down the days until his contract expired. Even the Fox BCS team thought that Emmitt was awful on camera. But he's gone now and will probably never be heard from again. And while I won't recommend it, it's now OK to turn on Sportscenter on Sunday mornings and watch Monday Night Countdown. Feel free to not huff glue just to try and make sense of Smith's jumbled words.
Now, I was going to dig up a bunch of his stupid quotes and lay out his ineptitude for all of my readers. But that would be too hard and that is what clicking on my blogroll is for. Awful Announcing has compiled the list of Emmitt's most ignorant quotes. You better enjoy this...
AA's Top Ten Emmitt-isms:
"Not only does he have the NFC East record for touchdowns, but also the team record."
"Wes Worker is a possession receiver that make things happen."
"The NFC West is probably one of the weakest conferences in the whole NFC."
"The leadership definitely have to come from the leaders."
"I think it's his self-confidence in himself that make him so confident when it get down into the crunch time."
10. "Last year there was a lot of things the Colts had to address. They couldn't stop the run, and all those. That was one of the biggest things they had to address."
9. "You have to have the personality to match up with the Patriots."
8. "He's giving them all the confidences they need. He giving them the confidence that he need."
7. "They do a very good job of flying around the Football field and carousing the Football carrier."
6. "Don't worry about the game you just won or the team that we just blew out. Uhhh... blown. Blown out. Let's think about what we need to do going forward, and they had blown out."
5. "Eli Manning has been given the rites of patches."
4. "This kind of inconsistency, against a team like New England, will get you completely blowed out."
3. "You cannot change the stripes of a leopard."
2. "Go to Arizona, sharp as a whistle, and do some finishing touches, so we can go down in the Super Bowl and play our best football of the whole entire season."
1. "The strength of the Patriots, their offense, got debacled."
You might not have even realized how stupid this man is but I hope that this either helped you understand or re-confirmed your original disposition. Now if ESPN would just get rid of the abysmal Cris Carter, mormon fucktard Steve Young, Chris Mortensen (who hasn't broken a story that turned out to be factual in over 12 years now), and the constantly concussed Merril Hoge, they may one day get my respect again. Hell, I'd take 20 more years of Chris Berman if they would just fire those four fucking idiots. Oh yeah, and please light Trey Wingo on fire.
And I know what you're thinking, "Asshole, who do you want to do the football analysis?" Why not a panel of Berman, the always underrated Tom Jackson, Keyshawn, and Trent Dilfer? To me, they don't use Dilfer enough. The guy is great and actually provides insight without screaming it into his microphone.
In conclusion (and getting off topic), fuck you, Emmitt. You weren't half the running back that Barry Sanders was. Anybody could have run behind those offensive lines. You were no better than Ricky Watters. Anyone that considers Emmitt to be one of the top 5 running backs of all time is an idiot. And anyone that considers Emmitt anything but the worst football analyst ever, you should probably just swallow a 12 guage and get it over with.