Monday, February 23, 2009

Best. Burger. Ever.

Being the fantastically sexy Catholic that I am, I abide by the unwritten Lent rules in which you give up something that you enjoy. Most cowards go with pussy shit like chocolate or pop or racist jokes. But G$ does it up big time. And Jesus notices. He turns a blind eye to the sinning because of my ultimate sacrifice. Last year, I decided to go vegetarian for the 40 days. It was surprisingly not that shitty. Considering that I look like a guy that buys gravy-flavored Gatorade, this may come as a surprise. Hell, I was skeptical at the time, but it wasn't that bad.

I'm doing the same thing again this year. On Wednesday, I go on rabbit food for over 6 weeks. But before that begins, I needed to send meat out with a bang. I need to make my heart cry grease. Last night, I took the wife to a hidden gem in the Columbus area. It was time to pop my Thurman's cherry. I had never been to The Thurman Cafe down in German Village but the reviews were always outstanding. And after last night, I will be going back shortly after I get on the meat wagon again. The Thurman Burger...just look at this beauty:

1/2 pound of beef, ham, mozzarella, american cheese, lettuce, tomato, mushrooms, sauteed onions, pickle, peppers, and mayo stacked about 4 inches to heaven. Un-fucking-believable. I like to think that this is what Jesus eats when Lent is over and he can eat meat again.

If I was going to quit meat, I'm glad that I went out on top. Thank you, Thurman's, for you have relieved me of my burger boner (it's a real and serious condition). But fuck you for the heart attack. To all my readers, if you have not had the pleasure of eating one of these, get off your ass and go clog your arteries. But be prepared to wait awhile, the place is about as big as (insert your own punchline involving commenter Dustin's anus).

4 comments:

Mr. Ace said...

You should just fast for 40 days and servive on your love for jesus. And rub ashes all over your face everyday before you go to work.

GMoney said...

I've tried the blackface routine in the office before...didn't really go over well.

Anonymous said...

GMoney I am surprised that was your first ever trip. Went numerous times while in school. Like to pride myself on being one of the few people to eat a Thurman Burger without losing any toppings off the burger before consuming the whole thing.

When you go back, order the pretzel bites while you are waiting. The are almost as wonderful as the Thurman Burger, and considering you have to wait about 3 hours on a Saturday night, you have time to finish both.

Hoffman

Anonymous said...

Pure Heavenly! My favorite restaurant in Columbus!!

-Big Strut