Monday, January 19, 2009

The Worst of the Conference Championships

Well, it's official. Super Bowl XLIII will have the Arizona Cardinals and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Could be better, could be worse, I guess. My luck on picks against the spread crapped out this weekend. Oh well, that is why I don't gamble. The first game was fantastic while the second contest was a bit boring but with an outcome that I wanted. Both Super Bowl teams earned their way into the big game. I may piss and moan about how the Cardinals don't deserve this, but that it more because of how they finished the regular season and not how they played in the postseason. One thing is for certain, Larry Fitzgerald will be taken in the top ten of every fantasy draft next year. Wow. That guy can not be stoppped. But, not everyone played like Larry yesterday. In fact, there were some real clods of shit that made major contributions to assist in losses. I only planned on making this list 5 deep but managed to come up with 9 instead. And away we go:

9. Jon Gruden - This was not too shocking for me to hear about but the timing definitely was. He probably deserved to be fired after starting 9-3 and then not making the playoffs. So why wasn't he fired during the 5-7 days after week 17? Why now? I don't get this. What changed in the past three weeks that made the Bucs brass believe that Raheem Morris was better suited to lead that team over Gruden?

8. Limas Sweed - Nice fucking catch, asshole. I really liked it when you faked the injury as the reason for why you dropped an easy touchdown. Well played.

7. Greg Lewis - On Thursday, I asked if there was any WR in the NFL that Brian Hartline is better than...we now have one. Why is Lewis still in the league? That was one impressive, momentum-changing drop that he had in the first quarter yesterday.

6. The Heinz Field Music Guy - In the 4th quarter, after Ryan Clark killed himself and Willis McGahee with a nuclear bomb of a hit, the stadium did the right thing and played some Creedence Clearwater Revival. Pretty much both teams are on the field worried about their teammates and "Down On The Corner" is blaring through the speakers. Come on guys, what the fuck? It's OK to not play anything. You might as well just play The Undertaker's entrance music.

5. Jim Johnson (The HERM! Edwards Memorial Spot) - We all know that Larry Fitzgerald can not be stopped. The thing that normal defensive coordinators do to counter-balance that is to blitz the shit out of the guy throwing him the ball. Johnson should know this because 99% of the time, he does it. How many times in the first half was Warner pressured? Barely any if he was at all. The Eagles defense played the entire first half on their heels. They figured it out at halftime but by then it was too late. That game, eventhough the Eagles got the lead back, was lost in the first and second quarter.

4. Ed Reed - For being one of the supposed best defensive players in football, you sure as shit didn't hear his name a lot yesterday. It could have been because Jim Nantz had his head up his ass and Phil Simms was fucking a goat, but Reed wasn't in on many plays. The only times that they mentioned him were when Troy Polamalu was all over the field and they made some half-assed comparison.

3. Kevin Curtis - Whether that was a pass interference or not on the final meaningful play, he still should have caught that. Mr. Ace, don't you dare come here and start blaming that loss on that one call. In those situations, you can't hope and pray for the referees to bail you out. Larry Fitzgerald has no problem catching the ball when it hits him in the hands and neither does every other WR in the league not named Braylon Edwards. That's on you, Kevin Kurgis. For one night, you were NOT a lawyer.

2. Joe Flacco - FINALLY, the Ravens defense could not protect this fraud. Flacco may eventually be a good QB, but I was getting really sick and tired of Bawlmer winning in spite of his erratic and shitty play. I knew that he had a back-breaking pick six in him at some point. It really speaks to how crappy Flacco has been that it took him 12 quarters to have a streak of 4 straight completions.

1. Brian Westbrook - Don't use him being a bit banged up as an excuse. He's hurt every week. The entire fucking playoffs, Westbrook was horrible. Just awful. One of our least favorite commenters here likes to tout that Westbrook is the best RB in all of football. No, he isn't. When the Eagles needed him the most, he blew ass. McNabb was surprisingly great yesterday but he could have used even a little bit of help out of the running game.

And we're left with the Whisenhunt Bowl. Ugh, there has to be a better moniker than that. My boy, Big Ben, is now primed for his second Super Bowl title in 5 years and can cement his legacy as one of the best QB's in the history of the NFL. He may catch some shit because he hangs onto the ball too long and tries to force things a little too much, but the guy is a winner. A flat-out winner! Which makes sense because he and I went to the same college...and we both excel at the game of life. The Money Shot will be throwing it's support toward the Steelers and their quest for ring #6. We'll be breaking down the Super Bowl next Friday the same way that we have the past two years (for you newbies, it's a 15 pronged attack on all factors surrounding the game). We've been incredibly accurate in the past, we'll see if we can continue that in two weeks. I toast my can of Mountain Dew and tin of Skoal bandits to you, Pittsburgh. GO STEELERS!


Grumpy said...

Martin Nance would have made that catch.

GMoney said...

Special thanks go out to Brenda Warner who, now that she has long hair/a blonde wig, looks fantastic.

saul hudson said...

Yes, Skoal Bandits. I was in line at Kroger this weekend, right near the tobacco haven, and for the life of me could not remember what those damn things were called. Amazing G$, you are constantly here for me!

Mr. Ace said...

Hey fuck stick. Was that not a penalty? Did the ref not swallow his whistle? I'm not blaming the loss on that play, but I am blaming us not getting a first down on our final drive on that play. What a fucking joke.

I don't know if you watched the game or not, apparently not by your retard list, but Curtis was just about the only reason we were in the game. He was getting fucking tackled before the ball was even thrown. Should he have made that catch? Maybe. Should there have been a flag? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Westbrook didn't get his touches, not his fault. We didn't run the ball nearly as much as we should have. Westbrook only got 14 carries and 2 receptions. Averaged almost 4 yards per carry and 13 per grab. Not typical Westbrook numbers, but he didn't get the amount of touches he should get and our receivers were actually making plays.

How is McNabb not on here? If we had Brenda Warner as our QB we would have won by 20.

GMoney said...

For being Donovan McNabb, a mediocre QB, I thought that he was fantastic. He made a few bad throws but he does that every game. His WR's dropped a ton of passes.

Curtis had a nice game but he dropped the biggest pass of his life.

Go shave your wispy, white trash beard, Ace.

Anonymous said...

Cincinnati's own. Brent Celek was the reason the Eagles were in the game. That was a good no call at the end of the game. He may have got touched a little, but like G$ says. You should have caught the damn ball.

Dustin said...

Even if Curtis makes that catch, the eagles wouldn't have done anything anyway. Did you see mcnabbs accuracy that drive?

J Beanie said...

I'm glad someone else picked up on that music after McGahee was hurt.

Do you think riding Brenda would be like riding a bull? (sorry, just saw a commercial for bull riding)

GMoney said...

Get a job, Beanie! Stop being a drain on society/this blog.

MUDawgFan said...

Bandits? Now this is a blog I can get behind!

GMoney said...

It's OK to get behind this blog. Just keep your dong in your pants.