Friday, January 30, 2009

More Like The Sub-Par Bowl, Am I Right? High Five!

I've been breaking down the Super Bowl in my own unique way since this blog's creation. This is the third year that I've instituted my 15-prong attack to figure out how Sunday's game will shake out. Two years ago, I successully predicted a Colts win and cover. Last year, the numbers favored the Patriots but without covering. So to sum up, we've nailed it ATS the past two seasons. And I expect more of the same this year. As a reminder, I don't know how this breakdown will go until I finish it. I know who I think will win, but we need to process everything and determine if the system agrees with my assessment or not. That being said, I like Pittsburgh and I would lay the points. I still find this matchup to be dull and we have serious "49ers over Chargers" blowout potential. Who knows though, maybe it will be a nailbiter. But enough about what I think, let's analyze this thing:

QB - Kurt Warner continues to put Satan in his place. Big Ben may not be the prettiest QB around, but the guy is a winner. Warner has, at points in his career, backed up Trent Green, Eli Retard, and Matt Leinart. Ben backed up Tommy Maddox for a few games. In a close game, give me Roethlisberger. Steelers +2

RB - I think that both of these running games blow. Edge James? Willie Parker? Tim Hightower? Mewelde Moore? That's a real who's who of shitty fantasy running backs. I have a strange feeling that Parker wins the MVP trophy come Sunday night. But other than him, none of these guys are going to be big factors. Steelers +1

WR/TE - No one can stop Larry Fitzgerald. You could drop a nuclear bomb on his head and he would still come down with the football. Anquan Boldin sure has turned into a whiny malcontent, no? I think that Santonio Holmes could have a big game as long as he isn't too busy impregnating Tampa's Most Disgusting. Hines Ward smiles too much. I have a hunch that Heath Miller scores. Cardinals +3

OL - The Cards O-Line can't run block. The Steelers O-Line can't pass protect. These have to be the two worst offensive lines in the history of the Super Bowl, right? I give the nod to the line that doesn't enjoy watching their QB get destroyed. Cardinals +2

DL - I don't know much about the Cards D-Line except that Darnell Dockett likes to dance on Media Day. Casey Hampton eats everything in sight. Do you know who bothers me? Aaron Smith (pictured). Have you noticed that his helmet is always way too far up on his head? Drives me nuts. I don't know where I'm going with this. Steelers +2

LB - Not even close here. Woodley, Foote, Farrior and Harrison can not be stopped. Steelers +6

DB - This is a real toss-up. I like Adrian Wilson and Rodgers-Cromartie for Arizona. But I also think that Polamalu cancels them out. It comes down to who is more likely to get burnt deep. The answer is Pittsburgh. And I don't like Ryan Clark either, he didn't play this good in DC when the Skins had him. Shithead. Cardinals +1

K/P - Mitch Berger looks like a fetus. Jeff Reed looks like a gayer version of a gay troll doll. But he is fairly automatic. Probably more reliable than Neil Rackers. Steelers +2

Return Game - I can never figure out why Pittsburgh tends to have their worst and slowest players return kickoffs. It was Najeh Davenport then it was Gary Russell. Holmes has proven that he can break punts. But Breaston is scary every time he touches the ball. Cardinals +3

Coach - Mike Tomlin is one cool customer. I've ben referring to him as a "cool customer" for awhile now. I seriously love this guy. And how can you hate Dick LeBeau? The guy is 120 years old and still looks better than I do. Ken Whisenhunt does nothing for me. Steelers +4

City - Pittsburgh is arguably one of the worst places ever. Steel mills! Poverty! Iron City Light! Phoenix is supposedly the tits. Cardinals +5

Fans - For as stupid as Steelers fans are, you can't say that they aren't passionate. If they lose on Sunday, I expect at least 400 wives to get sent to Western PA emergency room's with crushed skulls. The Cardinals have no real fans because the organization made sure of that. Steelers +6

Celebrity Fans - Arizona has John McCain and Rays manager Joe Maddon. The Steelers have Arnold Palmer, Michael "Batman" Keaton, and Burt Reynolds (who for some reason took this photo). Steelers +2

Organization - The Rooney's are one of the great families in the history of the NFL. I like how they have kept the team within the family (for now) and help to promote minority hirings. The Bidwell's prefer to move the team around and not invest in scouting or free agents. Ugh, the Bidwell's don't deserve this. Steelers +4

Against The Spread - The numbers are similar here. The Steelers were 11-7 against the number this year while the Cardinals were 12-7. Two things to focus on: Pittsburgh has covered in 9 of the past 10 games. Arizona is only 4-5 against the spread on the road this season. With the line being the Steelers -7, I'm really not sure what to think. Go with the trends, I guess. Steelers +1

Add it up, bitch...

And The Money Shot's official prediction for Super Bowl XLIII (that's 43) is...Pittsburgh 28, Arizona 14. So take the Steelers and don't fear the points. The computer does not discriminate. The numbers and the system do not lie. Do you really think that Roger Goodell is going to let the Arizona Cardinals win the Super Bowl? Come on. Big Ben is named MVP, wins his second Super Bowl in his first 5 years, and people will still say that Carson Palmer is better with nothing to back that up. When it comes down to it, is one of the 3 worst organizations in football history going to defeat the best organization in NFL history? Surely, you jest. Don't believe the hype. The more physical team always wins.

No "worst of" column on Monday. Nope. I have the pleasure of being able to watch the Super Bowl by myself this year (nachos and Little Caesar's pizza do not count as people although they are two of my closest friends). I'm going to be doing a running journal instead (5 hours of writing down notes, sweet!). I did one for the final round of The Masters last Spring, I hope this one works out just as well. Enjoy the game. One for the other hand, Pittsburgh!


Grumpy said...

You have nailed it once again. Not even close. Steelers pull away in the 2nd half. FWP goes for about 120 and Ben throws for 250 with a td and no turnovers.

Upstate Underdog said...

I think it is a push at QB, Steeler fans are hoping Big Ben plays better than he did in his last Super Bowl.

With that being said:
Steelers - 27
Cardinals - 16

Jeff said...

Yes, hoping that Ben plays better than he did last Super Bowl, but with that being said even if he doesn't they should be able to win again. Here we Go Steelers, Here we Go!

GMoney said...

UU, do to my fan-boy love for Big Ben, it will never be a push.

Mr. Ace said...

Cardinals 27 Steelers 23. The Cardinals run D has been beasty in the playoffs. They will make Big Bum beat them...which is impossible. Hines Ward will be gimpy and hurt the team more than he will help.

The secondary is just as good as the steelers, if not better. T-Poo gets all the hype, but I don't think their corners are really that good. I like Rodgers-Cromartie and Rod Hood in this matchup.

Fitzgerald and Boldin will go apeshit in this game.

Do people really say Carson Palmer is better than Roethlisbum? I don't think Ben is good at all, but Palmer is a joke.

Dustin said...

Warner over Ben any day of the week.

G$- how did you find a gal like she$?? so I get back from Philly Thursday morning and I knew that I had laundry in the dryer still. I was nervous because in years past if you left laundry it either got stolen, thrown in the trash, peed on, or lit on fire. I get back and its perfectly folded and in a nice stack. I give you props! Be careful though, my nickname is the homewrecker...

Mr. Ace said...

Uh oh, call off the wedding. I bet $50 that Dut is hittin that.

Anonymous said...

how do you not like Whisenhunt? Fuck the Steelers!

GMoney said...

Statistically, this Steelers defense is the best of all time. Like I said, I'll go with the better defense.

And the numbers don't lie, over the past 3 months, the Steelers have covered in 90% of their games.

Ace, see: King, Peter.

Dut, considering that we will be homeless, there will be no home to wreck.

How do I not like Whisenhunt? He has no personality and is a statue. It's pretty easy actually.

Dick LeBeau has had two weeks to prepare...why would you bet against that?

sweetbob said...

Leinart should take a cue from Jesse Palmer and go on "The Bachelor" and then get a job as a college football analyst on ESPNEWS.

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