Friday, February 29, 2008

BREAKING NEWS!!!



I've been sitting in my cube for the last three days all depressed because my job fucking sucks and my new responsibilities (with absolutely no pay raise mind you), will make it next to impossible to blog at work anymore. I know, I hate it, too. Thus, the strong desire to quit and go down in a blaze of glory that will make everyone glad that I never come walking through those doors again.

But Daniel Snyder wants me to have a good weekend. THE GOLDEN ARM OF TODD COLLINS IS COMING BACK TO DC!!! FOR 3 MORE YEARS!!! HE WILL BE 40 AT THE END OF THAT CONTRACT??? Oh well, The Golden Arm is back and the Super Bowl is likely for the next 3 seasons. Happy weekend, jerks.

Dumpin' Links



I'm tired. The weather sucks. My mind is thinking about nothing more than tomorrow's RedHawks game vs. The Ohio's which I will be in attendance for. It seems like a perfect time for a link poop. I apologize if you expected more, but to be honest, I'm not feeling it. And what have you ever done for me anyway. Enjoy some football in the groin.

By the way, if you live in central Ohio, this blogger is seeking some new employment (I really loathe my current job). Any help would be welcomed as job sites are about as worthless as Reginald Vel Johnson portraying a cop. No help at all.

Deuce of Davenport has video proof that Kevin Bacon wants to be on the Knicks Dance Team. I hope he likes being sexually harrassed by Zeke.

Flyers Fieldhouse had great expectations. If I were them, I would consider this a failure and start lighting cars on fire thinking about what could have been.

Hey Larry Hughes Please Stop Taking So Many Bad Shots' work is complete. Now it's time for him to ride off into the sunset. You did the Lord's work, my friend.

I agree wholeheartedly with Horsetoothed.com...China sucks.

JoeSportsFan giveus a list of the Top 7 Random Spring Training Invitees...I thought that Chris Shelton went the way of Old Yeller.

Losers With Socks clearly does not enjoy Kentucky Basketball. I applaud anyone that rips on hayseeds.

Mondesi's House informs us all that Cotton Eyed Joe doesn't just represent baseball/shitty music...it's also incredibly racist.

As a Yankees fan, I was pretty damn happy to see that Phil Hughes has his own blog. It's updated quite frequently (unlike Stephen A.)

Another shout out to a friend that I have recently reconnected with...Tony B's blog, good to talk to you again, Tony

Like killing brain cells? Want to be the next OJ Simpson? Go here.

SPORTSbyBROOKS lets us know just what Hank Steinbrenner is thinking...that Red Sox Nation is bullshit.

As March Madness approaches, you should be going to this site everyday. And since they sent me a free t-shirt, I'm plugging them this week.

Pretty self explanatory here from The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes...How to survive fantasy baseball when you don't give a fuck.

And to end on a sexy note, With Leather offers up some sexy, painted-on soccer jerseys. I love With Leather but they don't love me...yet.

Alright, peeps, that does it for me this week. And remember, it's never OK to beat a woman...unless she went to Ohio University. All Ohio U female "alums" are likely your friendly neighborhood chickenheads anyway. Assholes are going down tomorrow night. Bubba Walther molests priests.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Plot Errors of a 14 Year Old Movie



Last weekend, I was lying around the house enjoying a fresh pair of sweatpants and flipping through the channels. Bored out of my mind and determined not to fall asleep, I notice that Cinemax is showing a classic from my younger years. Now, I’ve seen this masterpiece a few times before and have caught snippets over the past year or so, but last weekend was the first time in a long time that I had watched it from beginning to end. You may remember me doing a movie review like this from over a year ago when I critiqued Teen Wolf (this was before I knew that Bill Simmons talked about this movie in every column). Today, I review Little Big League.

If you remember, Little Big League was about a punk ass kid named Billy Heywood whose grandfather owned the Twins. His grandpa died of having a loser grandson and gave him ownership of the team (I actually think that Bud Selig would allow this). Heywood then fires the manager because he is a know-it-all piece of shit and names himself the skipper. Obviously, hilarity ensues. Let’s take a look at the highlights and stupid shit that the producers want to believe would actually happen, shall we?

-Seriously, what kind of idiot billionaire wants his legacy to be run by an 11 year old kid? I know who, Jason Robards.

-Billy fired manager Dennis Farina for being too hard on the players, yet later he benches his best player for dating his mother…yeah, this is a great movie.

-Are we supposed to believe that Jonathon “The Single Guy” Silverman would be an adequate middle reliever who throws water balloons out of his hotel window??? For the record, Silverman’s character, Bowers, might be my least favorite character in the history of movies. Everyone knows that MLB players are cooze-hounds and would never waste time dropping balloons on people.

-Billy stayed up all night watching porn in his hotel room and fell asleep in the dugout the next day…or as I like to call it, The Joe Torre.

-Once Billy’s frustrations finally boil over and he gets ejected, the umpire WALKS OVER AND TELLS HIS MOTHER WHAT HE SAID…DURING THE GAME, and SHE suspends him for a game!!! Oh my God, there are so many unbelievable things that I just summarized in that sentence that I think I just shit my pants.

-Leon Durham and Kevin Elster??? Those are the best former baseball player/actors that they could get?

-Billy’s shitty friends begin to hate him because he never hangs out with them anymore. What a couple of spoiled assfaces! The guy owns a Major League Baseball team! He’s a manager! He’s 11 years old! Give him a fucking break. He’s got a lot of responsibility now and he can’t just drop anything to go fishing off of a bridge.

-Near the end of the season, Billy decides that he’s tired of being a grown-up and wants to retire. Way to be a quitter, ya spoiled punk.

-While the Twins are watching the Mariners game to see if they will get to host a sudden death playoff game, the final out is made by Dave Magadan. THEE Dave Magadan! They even mentioned his name. Even when he played, no one ever talked about Dave Magadan, yet his name makes a movie. Well played, sir.

-I’ve said this a lot so far, but the absolute worst moment in the movie is right before Lou Collins’ (played by the great Timothy Busfield) final at bat of the season. There are two outs in the bottom of the 9th, two outs, he’s the winning run, Randy Johnson has been summoned from the bullpen…and Lou Collins asks Billy’s mom to marry him??? Yes, that’s really what happened. The biggest at-bat in not-real Twins history and Lou Collins is trying to get laid. Priceless. You’ve got to love fake Twins baseball.

-Speaking of which, Timothy Busfield is their best player??? And they are in the playoff race? I think not. I did love they portrayed Griffey, Randy Johnson, and Lou Piniella as pure evil though. That was cute…and true.

-Anyway, the Twins lose thanks to a brilliant catch by Ken Griffey, Jr (who was made to look like an evil genius in this flick), the Twins are depressed, Billy announces his retirement and the players don’t want him to leave, and for some unknown reason, the Twins fans are still in the stadium. Apparently, they can’t get enough of a team of losers. I never understood that. If my team lost like that, I would start throwing shit on the field and lighting the guy next to me on fire. I wouldn’t cheer for the fucking manager to come out and doth his cap to me. Fuck that, they were a disgrace, get out of my sight. See you again in April, jerks.

-This one brings out the umpire in me and I knew it was illegal right away. Way to know the rules of baseball, dumbass Hollywood people. The trick play Silverman executes towards Griffey in the final game is not legal. Though his feet aren't visible, it shows him 'coming set' to deliver a pitch, and faking a throw to first base (where Griffey is standing as the base runner). Baseball rules state a throw must be made to first base during a pickoff move or the throw is a balk. You’ve got to respect the attention to detail and that the play was Billy’s idea. Way to know the rules, boy wonder.

-It does not surprise me that this Oscar-worthy movie missed this. In the final game, Micky Scales' home run goes over the left field wall that also includes a glass fence. But, when Lou Collins hits the ball that Ken Griffey, Jr. robs in left center for the last out, the glass fence is no longer visible. Who knows, maybe the grounds crew removed it before the 9th inning, they apparently can assist with fake plays anyway. Clearly, there were no rules in Minnesota in 1994.

As you can see, this movie was great. There were no inaccuracies at all. I mean, sure, there is an MLB rule that no one with a financial stake in the club can be the manager, but what the fuck does Hollywood care. This is cinematic gold. But the question is, is this movie better or worse than Rookie of the Year and Major League III: Bakula to the Minors? I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I loved reminiscing about Little Big League. Now go away while I fantasize about the plainness of Billy Heywood’s mother.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Hump Day Hump



Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, the "Tony LaRussa would like for you to take a ride with him...he's got the Maker's Mark" Edition.

***It felt like Tim Donaghy was back - I normally don't like to bitch about officiating because it's just an excuse for poor play. But, come on, that was ridiculous. The new look Cavs lost their first game last night in Milwaukee where the 22-35 Bucks received every freaking call. The Bucks have no one inside that can draw contact (Bogut sucks) yet somehow they are a 37-14 winner in the free throw margin. Ridiculous. Ben Wallace and Our King were getting tackled in the paint and it was not being called. By the way, I hate Michael Redd. I can't believe that that shit shot went in. I can't remember the last time the Cavs lost at the buzzer, it's always the other way around. Down the dial, kudos to the SEC crew that ruined the Tennessee/Vanderbilt game by allowing almost 70 free throw attempts and slowing the game down to a crawl. Let them play. They allowed it in Bad News Bear at the Astrodome, let them play. Swallow the freakin whistle. Hell, at least they were about even. How the fuck are the Milwaukee Bucks getting calls!!!

***Stress Fracture: Ancient Chinese Secret, huh? - Bad news out of Houston that Chairman Yao Ming is out for the rest of the season with a stress fracture. That sucks for the Rockets who will likely miss the playoffs now. The hottest team in the league kept it up by disposing of the shitty Wizards last night, but I expect a freefall. Don't get me wrong, I love Dikembe Mutombo's finger wagging, but you ain't gonna see that come April and May.

***Tony LaRussa is smarter/drunker than you - This something that I don't get. LaRussa is going to hit his pitchers 8th in the order this season. He has done this in the past and I still don't get it. Why would you want your pitchers to get more at bats than a position player? Is your 8/9 hitter that bad? His logic is that he wants a second leadoff hitter in the lineup and that it turns Pujols into a cleanup hitter after the first time through the lineup. Whatever. This won't work. The Cards were 28-28 last year when did this move. Stop trying to out-think the room, Tony. The Cardinals will suck this year even if they were allowed to have a DH.

***The Tribune Company hates Cubs fans - The faceless conglomerate that runs the Cubs into the ground every season is in the news (get that pun?). They are putting the Cubs up for sale (which is good) but selling the naming rights to Wrigley Field separately (which is bad). I'm sure that Cubs fans everywhere will be excited to come to a day game, sit in the bleachers, and enjoy the ivy covered walls of Playtex Park at Boudreaux's Butt Paste Field. Yes, that is an actual product. If the Tribune Company had a face that fans could blame, they would undoubtedly be more hated than Steve Bartman.

***I would like to thank Emmitt Smiff and Jesus for this opportunity - Since Inside the NFL has been cancelled by HBO, Cris Carter has been snagged up as an analyst for ESPN. Sunday NFL Countdown now has about 45 people on the set. Carter is a good analyst but I still can't get over how much I hated him as a player. His "praise Jesus" act just never sat well with me. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with a man seeking his own salvation, it's just that there is a time and a place for everything. After a football game, while being interviewed about your on-field performance, is not one of them. What do I care though, less Emmitt Smiff is better for all of us.

***A progressive idea out of Texas, who'd-a thunk it - Are you tired of crappy Thanksgiving Day football? Well, how would you like to see a heated rivalry game between two arch enemies that are top 25 caliber every year? Texas and Texas A&M have agreed, at least for the next two years, to play on Thanksgiving. I couldn't be happier. We here in Ohio never get these two on TV so this is a welcomed change. I always love watching Mack Brown look like an idiot. And as far as playing on Thanksgiving, it's no Egg Bowl, but it will do. I still haven't forgiven the Egg Bowl participants (both Mississippi schools) for moving that game.

***Matt Damon gives me wood - Listen up, people that like movies that aren't for pussies. Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass have agreed to do a FOURTH Jason Bourne movie. Hell yeah, bitches! The Bourne franchise is freaking sick and I couldn't be happier that it is coming back. Now it's going to be a few years since Damon has a bunch of shit lined up, but still, hell yeah.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The Middle Finger: Kelvin Sampson



Now, I know what you are thinking: Come on asshole, you beat up on this guy every week! And that is true. And unless something incredibly egregious (a Johnny Cochran word!) comes to light, this will be the last time. But to be honest, I was struggling. No one wants to hear me complain about how much I hate the Olympics or getting stuck in traffic behind a 4 car accident causing me to be 30 minutes late to work thus forcing me listen to 2 segments of Eric Kuselias (that's bad). But last night, on my way home from another depressing umpire's meeting, I heard something that just made me shake my head and say to myself, "some people just don't get it." This Firewater drinker is no exception and he has earned this award for decades of shady and sketchy behavior.

This week's Middle Finger goes to the Navajo Warrior, Kelvin Sampson.

I'm not going to talk about his past indiscretions. I'm not going to talk about his firing. I'm not going to talk about how Indiana replaced him with a retard. I'm also not going to talk about how great the above photoshop is (by the way, I really need to learn how to do that, it is the only thing holding me back besides my God awful writing). No, what I want to rake him over the coals for is what happened after that. After the team tried to mutiny. After the team went to Northwestern and lucked out a 3 point win against a team that hasn't had a conference win since Pearl Harbor (the event, not the terrible movie). Yes, that is the point from where we start; now brace yourself because this is the pinnacle of stupidity and only reaffirms my stance that Sampson just doesn't get it...

After the Northwestern game, he sent text messages to the Indiana players congratulating them. Seriously. Mr. Cell Phone is working his magic again. Come on, Kelvin. You should be better than that. Is it illegal? No, it isn't. Is it smart for someone with his checkered past regarding phone abuse to be doing this? No, it isn't. He needs to distance himself from the program NOW and let them get on with their season. He doesn't need to send "BFF" texts to his former players. Both parties, Sampson and the IU program, need to move on. This has been embarrassing enough as it is. It even makes you wonder if this violated his buyout and than IU could reclaim that money.

I just can't believe that Sampson is this stupid. Really, I get the image that he works a cell phone like a 15 year old girl sending texts to DJ White that say "U R HOT 2NITE". Or "ERIC GORDON, WILL U COME TO IU? YES, NO, MAYBE SO?" This is just so pathetic. I understand that there are bonds forged by the coach/player relationship. God knows I felt a bond with my 8th grade booger-eating basketball coach. But Sampson isn't the coach anymore. It's Dan Dickitch. Let it go. Put the fucking phone down.

This just keeps getting more and more embarrassing for the Hoosiers. They take all the right steps to get rid of this bum, yet he won't go away. For some reason he's watching the Big Ten Network on a Saturday night as opposed to his true passion of playing nickel slots at Mohegan Sun (I am really going nuts with the Native American stereotypes today, but it's cool, I'm a Redskins fan). I am impressed that he gets the Big Ten Network, it's only available in 17 hones nationwide and he lives in one of them.



So enjoy this week's Middle Finger, Kelvin Sampson. You, sir, are an idiot who clearly doesn't understand the ramifications of your past transgressions. This is the last time I will talk about Sampson again, I promise. Wait a minute, I just a got a text message from a number that I don't recognize...it says "BOB KNIGHT CAN SUCK IT, LOL". Ah yes, "LOL", the acronym of the asshole.

Thanks, Kelvin, for all the material that you have given me over the past few weeks now go fuck yourself.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Talkin' Hoops



I'm not going to lie, I watched a LOT of TV this weekend. Whether it be the NBA, Bracket Busters, some game with # 1 and 2, the PBA (Norm Duke, yeah!) or Omar Little getting capped...I was all over the dial. But today, I'm going to review the entertaining weekend that was in college hoops with a little "winners/losers" list. How about it? I'm here to help you win your NCAA tournament pools. You don't have a ton of time to watch all of these teams, but I do. Let me help you out.

Winner: Tennessee - Well, it wasn't pretty. The first 5 minutes of the game were about as crazy a basketball pace that you will ever see. But Bruce Pearl and the boys pulled off the somewhat large upset. The most impressive aspect of this win for the Vols is that Chris Lofton (favorite player of this blog) didn't make a 3. That is unbelievable. There is no other team in the nation that can run with Tennessee. That is a fact. And don't sleep on Memphis now either, I still expect to see them as a 1 seed and make the Final Four. By the way, my preseason Final Four prediction over at Storming The Floor had the Vols, Memphis, UCLA, and Louisville...I'm still loving that.

Loser: Indiana - Yeah, they struggled to beat a shitty Northwestern team that hasn't won a Big Ten game since Vietnam. But Dan Dakich sucks. Even as an interim coach, expect to get knocked out of the tournament early. He was fired at Bowling Green less than a year ago! You think he's going to lead the Hoosiers to a Final Four??? I think not. IU is a mess in case you are living under Oscars presenter (why I don't know), The Rock. They almost had a mutiny, will have their only two good players leave after this season, and didn't have a great recruiting class coming in anyway. If Xavier's Sean Miller turns down the job, it could be a tough search in Bloomington. I don't think the Hoosiers get to the Sweet 16...they seem ripe for an upset due to their shitty head coach.

Winner: Kent State and Drake - It wasn't the best weekend for the MAC, but the one game that they needed to win, they did. Kent went in to St. Mary's at 22-5 but with not really any big wins. Now they've got theirs. I couldn't believe that I was rooting for those guys but it's been too long since the MAC was a two bid league and it appears that we have positioned ourselves to return to glory (as long as KSU doesn't win the MAC tourney). And how about Drake!!! Now that I have 90% given up on my RedHawks this season (seriously, giving up 99 points to Valpo?), Drake is my team. How great was that Drake/Butler game? Fantastic stuff. Drake really impressed me here. Not many visitors leave Hinkle Fieldhouse with a smile. Josh Young is a baller. With that win, Drake went from an 8-9 seed, to a 6...good for them. By the way, Bracket Busters is the best idea ever.



Loser: Akron and George Mason - The Zips, who are coached by the biggest douchebag on the planet, could have used a decent win this weekend. No, they aren't a bubble team, but for credibility purposes, that would have helped. A 5 point loss at home to tourney-bound VCU was pretty pathetic. I hate Keith Dambrot (pictured looking like the weasel that he is). He should've been arrested for stealing that win in Oxford on Tuesday night. Garbage. Also, George Mason could have used a nice win at Ohio. They built up what felt like a 40 point first half lead only to choke it away in a matter of minutes and lose by double figures. Nice job. That loss may have burst their bubble. I was never fooled...Jim Larranaga never was a good coach. I believe that he, too, was fired from Bowling Green!

Winner: Louisville - On New Year's Day, you could have argued that the Cards were on the fast track to the NIT or CBI. But Ricky Pitino finally has his team healthy and they are playing like we all thought that they would. A solid road win at Pitt has capped off a fantastic February for the 'Ville and has them tied for the Big East lead and a likely top 4 seed in the Dance. The only things that were holding this team back were consistent guard play and way too much of a reliance on the 3 pointer. Both issues have been corrected and the Cards look dangerous again.

Loser: Ohio State - You can't spell N-I-T without Ohio State. Well, that's not true, but you get the point and I'm ecstatic. When was the last time that the Buckeyes have actually won a game? At 18-10, no good wins (Florida and Syracuse are NOT good wins), and a bitch of a schedule left (@IU, MSU, @ MIN, PUR), they will be lucky to get 2 more wins. That won't be enough. If they don't win the Big Ten tourney, enjoy hosting Akron or Ohio U in the first round of the NIT. And why didn't Thad start Jamar Butler yesterday? I realize that most good coaches bench their only good player, but this issue was not addressed at all. Seemed like a strange decision to me. Oh yeah, Wisconsin will be the first high seed to get upset in the tournament...just like they are almost every year.

Honorable Mention Loser: Sedric Toney - I know what you're saying, who??? As I stated earlier, my RedHawks faced Valpo on Saturday evening on ESPN Classic. It was not a classic at all as we lost 99-94 in double overtime. It sucked. But the commentating skills of Toney were so bad, that I almost cut my ears off. He is the Jerome Boger of announcing. Some of my favorites:
1. Calling Miami's star guard Mike Bramos "Bramo" and stating that he was a bench player on numerous occasions (he isn't)
2. Calling Miami's twins Tim and Eric Pollitz "the Pollick twins" (where was Kevin Pollack!)
3. Referring to Charlie Coles as Coach Cole
4. Saying that Miami stud guard Kenny Hayes "won't give up because he grew up in Dayton" whatever that means...and wouldn't that also mean that they do give up considering that if you voluntarily live in Dayton, you've already given up on life???
It was terrible. The guy will never be more than ESPN Classic announcer. He sucks. If he was of any importance at all, he would have received the Middle Finger tomorrow.

Well, there you go, a rundown of the weekend. Honorable mention winners are Stanford, Arizona, Villanova, and Notre Dame who all had really nice wins this weekend. I'm out, back tomorrow for some venom spewing.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

I Finally Respect A Ferry



I know what you're thinking, I'm a homophobe based on the title of this article. I'm not really. Hell, after today's whirlwind of NBA front office action, I feel like dancing all night at The Plugged Nickel. And I don't dance. I am that excited. Oh, by the way, I'm doing the bulk of this piece on Thursday night while Josh is watching Lost and after realizing that if I tried to do this tomorrow at work, it would take me 3 hours and the boss-bitch would grow very suspicious of my constant typing. Anywho, let's break this down and let me explain to you that, yes, Danny Ferry is not an aborted fetus.

In case you are ignorant, the Cavaliers obtained Ben Wallace, Joe Smith, Wally Szczerbiak (which I succesfully predicted yesterday!!!), Delonte West, and a 2nd round pick. They gave up Larry Hughes, Bizarro Larry Hughes, Drew Gooden, Donyell Marshall (I have his cell phone number), Ira Newble, Ced Simmons, and Shannon Brown. I like to refer to the departing players from Cleveland as a "Shit Sandwich". Hell, Danny Ferry didn't even give up any draft picks!

Now let's take a deeper look into what they got in return for the Shit Sandwich:

Ben Wallace: Big Ben is obviously the largest name in this deal but ask any Bulls fan about him and you will likely get a punch in the jaw. We all know that he's overpaid and sucks offensively. That isn't breaking news. And to be honest, for me at least, he is the least impactful of the four that the Cavaliers acquired. The problem he had when he went to Chicago, in my opinion, is that he was expected to be a leader and he really isn't one. He is at his best when he can focus on just playing basketball. I also think that he suffered from an A-Rod complex that no matter what he did, fans would see his earnings before the production. Now that isn't to diminish from his weak play this season, but I don't think that you can ignore that the expectations thrust upon him were never reachable. Now that he's playing with Our King, he can just run all over the place and play with reckless abandon again. If you don't think that he won't play more rejuvenated basketball, you're crazy. Big Ben is in a perfect situation now where he will only play about 24-28 minutes a night and can just dive all over the place and block shots again (something that Drew Gooden was incapable of). And that is all that the Cavs want. He won't have ANY plays run for him. All they will want is for him to hit the glass, make his tip-in's, and be a pest for Rasheed, Garnett, and Dwight Howard. That is it. And those are the roles that made him as successful as he was in Detroit. I expect a refocus for Big Ben and a return to his defensive dominance. As far as his free throw shooting goes, if your team can't deal with a few misses, you aren't really a contender anyway.

Joe Smith: Smith has been a very underrated player over the past decade. He doesn't do anything great, but he doesn't do anything poorly. You could argue that he was the most consistent player on the Bulls this season. You could rely on him to make mid-range jumpers, grab boards, and play tough in the paint. Which is exactly what he's going to do for the rest of the season. He'll get about 20 minutes a game once Anderson Varejao gets back, and he's been around long enough to know what his role is expected to be. Joe is a massive upgrade over the bloated corpse of D-Marsh.

Delonte West: West isn't really a PG because he isn't the best ball handler. But in the Cavs system, they don't need a "pure" point like Chris Paul. Hell, LeBron dribbles up the court most of the time anyway. West's job will be, I believe, to come off the bench as the 3rd guard. He will be relied on to play tough defense on opposing point guards. But in reality, he's here for his tough demeanor and his offensive game. He's a really scrappy player who can dribble drive and stick the three. Really a perfect fit for this offense and the kind of player that we all want Boobie Gibson to grow into. And he immediately fills the void left by Larry for most tattoos on the team.

Wally Szczerbiak: This one made me smile the most. I LOVE Wally. Like I said yesterday, he was the best college basketball that I've ever seen (and I've seen quite a few). The fact that he went to my alma mater and now is kind of coming home to play for my NBA team, I'm ecstatic. When Wally is healthy, which he has been for most of the season, he's one of the best shooters in the league. He still hits 43% of his 3's while playing on a shitty team that had no one that commanded double teams. With Our King, Wally can hang near the perimeter and wait for opposing defenses to pick their poison: do you let LeBron posterize you or do you want Wally and Boobie and Damon Jones and Delonte bury you from outside??? It really is the perfect storm. Some people will argue that Wally is a pouter and black hole on offense that shoots every time he touches it. Well, you can't look at his stay in Seattle as a fair comparison. That team sucked and he HAD to shoot a lot. He doesn't have to here. Wally is smart enough to realize that his career is closer to the end than the beginning and he finally has a chance to win a title. He had no problems deferring to KG in Minnesota, I don't see it being an issue here either.

And as far as our departed brethren go...good fucking riddance. I've made it no secret that Drew Gooden and Larry Hughes were two of my most hated athletes in the world today. Drew Gooden has the lowest basketball IQ of anyone that I've ever seen, he had to lead the league in giving up "and 1" fouls, and he thought that the offense should run through him. And then there is Larry...who was actually playing quite well recently. I kind of thought that he was turning the corner, but fuck it, it was time to get rid of him. He never lived up to his 13 mill/year contract...he didn't even earn a 6 mill/year contract. So long assholes. And when you think about it, Larry was going to be owed 26 million over the next two years. The Cavs are now going to pay Big Ben 29 mill over the same period. It's not that bad of a trade actually.

I was hoping they wouldn't have traded Ira Newble. With Wally and Ira on the team (2 great RedHawks), there would be no stopping this team. But I'm sure that David Stern forced them to split them up to make it fair to the rest of the league.

Who can boast a front line to rival Our King, Joe Smith, Big Ben, Varejao, and Big Z? No one! Not one team will be able to own the glass on us. Not one team has the kind of depth to overmatch those big fellas. The frontline of Boobie (who will need to step up but I know that he is fully capable of doing so, we saw that during All-Star Weekend), Wally, Delonte, Damon Jones, and Sasha isn't great...but they can all shoot. And that is what we need. That is what Our King has always needed: shooters. Well, they are here now. The big, physical defense is here now. The headcases are gone. We made the statement today that the time is now. Now it is time to prove it on the floor. Mike Brown now has the pieces and now it's time for him to show that his system (derived from Gregg Popovich) can win a title outside of San Antonio.

Now let's get into the best part of this which not many are talking about. The problem that the Cavs have had in making deals before today is that they didn't have any expiring deals that were attractive to potential partners. Not anymore. With the addition of Wally, the Cavs will be big players next year at this time as well. If you add Eric Snow's awful deal, Damon Jones, and Wally's expiring deals...the Cavs have over 27 MILLION to play with in cap relief next year. Hell, there is already talk that they will be pursuing Michael Redd with that money! But let's not get too far ahead of ourselves here, we are trying to win now...not next year.

Unbelievable. What a day. I can't believe that the Cavaliers have put themselves in a position to win a championship and it only cost them a Shit Sandwich. Oh yeah, ESPN's Chris Sheridan is reporting that Our King is VERY pleased with these deals. If he's happy, I'm happy. Now let's just get healthy, find the right rotations, and work on the chemistry and we'll see you all back in the Finals. I didn't think that any team in the East could beat the Cavaliers before this trade and my opinion and bias is only reaffirmed now.

I'm calling it now...come June, the Cavaliers will beat the Lakers in 6 games in one of the most watched NBA Finals in league history and once again, the NBA will be back.

I guess I'm just happy that Danny Ferry showed up to work yesterday.

Time For Danny Ferry To Step Up



It's been awhile since I've dropped an NBA-related blog on all you suckas...that ends today. With the NBA trade deadline coming today at 3 pm, there will undoubtedly be some last second deals where the rich will get richer and the shitty will get out from some sketchy salary cap issues. But there are drawbacks to today. One of which will be the constant barrage of televised face time for gigantic douchebags Ric Bucher, Screamin' A. Smith, and Marc Stein.

Our King has been quite vocal regarding getting some more help for our beloved Cavaliers. The best player on the planet needs another piece or two, there is no doubt. The fact that they lose a key guy to an ankle injury every other game doesn't help either. And while I've softened my stance on jettisoning Drew Gooden and/or Larry Hughes, there is still work left to be done. And that is where Danny Ferry comes into play. It's time for the once franchise killer (when they traded Ron Harper for Ferry in the early 90's, it destroyed the franchise) to step up and get this team over the top. The Cavaliers can win the East with what they have now, but they can't win it all. Below, I list three guys that would be difference makers for this team and would not crush our chemistry and depth. I feel like George Costanza explaining to Big Stein that he figured out a way to get Griffey and Bonds and it wouldn't cost that much.

***Mike Miller, Memphis - If you forgot, the Grizz gave up Pau Gasol for a giant slab of poo and he was their best player. Miller is a role player and a deadly marksman from beyond the arch. What do you think they would take for him? Martinas Andreyskivicius straight up? We can get Miller for pennies on the dollar, if Ferry has to throw in a pick or two, do it because we need another shooter.

***Sam Cassell, Clippers - This would be interesting. Obviously, Cassell is old but the guy has a ton of experience, is clutch, and can still run an offense (and would get Larry back to the 2 where he is a better fit). I think the Clippers owe the Cavs big time for the aforementioned Ferry/Harper deal, so giving them Ira Newble and a pick wouldn't be a stretch. Fortunately, the Clips have a retarded front office so this could happen and they could use the cap relief.

***Wally Szczerbiak, Sonics - I think that this one will happen to be honest. Take everything I said about Miller above and add that Wally plays at least a little bit of defense. I should add that I am completely biased toward this move since Wally is my favorite college basketball player of all time. But he's played with stars before and knows that the spotlight does not shine on him. It is exactly what you want out of a role player. And he still has the same dead-eye stroke that he had in college. The Sonics are a mess and are looking to get out of Wally's semi-bloated contract. Simmons actually proposed a deal like this with Wally and Delonte West going to the Cavs for Damon Jones, D-Marsh, and a few others. I would accept that yesterday if it was on the table for Ferry.

There you go, Danny, that is what I want. But I'm sure you won't work the phones at all today because of your crippling retardation.

Before I go, I want to mention something right quick. I watched all of the Suns/Lakers game last night (which was awesome) and one thing really stood out to me. Pau Gasol finally gets it. I always thought that he was a decent but not great player in Memphis. It looked like he was just collecting a pay check and going through the motions. Not anymore. I don't know if it's the fact that he's on a winner now or Kobe or Phil Jackson or what, but it's refreshing. So far, he's been a force for the Lakers. He finally gets it. And it's refreshing to see. It's like when Eli Manning realized that if he didn't force throws and let the game come to him, he would be successful. Same thing for Pau. He's been a beast and absolutely ate Shaq and Amare alive last night.

Happy Trade Deadline Day to you all!!!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Hump Day Hump



Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, the "Coach K has tremendous gas pain" Edition.

***Roy Williams doesn't take too kindly to Coach K - Pretty funny stuff out of North Carolina actually...Roy Williams is pissed at Duke. Apparently, the Polish Assassin made some snide remarks regarding the Heels injury reports. Williams took exception to a comment made by Krzyzewski on Sunday that the Blue Devils don't discuss injuries "unlike other schools." This, of course, resulted in Williams making some hillbilly analogy in which he says "dadgum". This is great. Look, who cares about injury reports anyway? This rivalry is great enough as it is, we don't need the coaches to start trading barbs in the media about whether Tyler Hansbrough has sand in his vagina. For some reason, I find this incredibly funny.

***Mark Cuban isn't the smartest guy in the world - So Jason Kidd has now been officially traded to Dallas...I don't like it. To me, it doesn't make any sense for the Mavs. With the exception of leadership and punching women, Devin Harris is better (and obviously a lot younger) than Kidd. And when you throw in Diop, two first rounders, and a raw but talented Mo Ager, the Nets really raped the Mavs. I just don't get it. Kidd isn't that good anymore. The Lakers hit a walk-off grand slam with their trade for Gasol and now everyone in the West wants to make a splash even if it doesn't make sense and cripples the future of their teams. I fully expect Danny Ferry to trade King James to the Nets for Keith Van Horn now.

***If you have an AARP card, Bill Belichick wants you - It appears that the slow and wildly overrated and oft-injured Zach Thomas will be signing with New England soon. Why? What was the main problem that the Pats defense had this past season? Old, slow linebackers. The solution, bring in another one. Why do they think that a guy that the Dolphins didn't want anymore would be a good fit for them? Belichick is just a pompous ass. I hope someone strangles him with a hooded sweatshirt. Oh yeah, where was I, Zach Thomas sucks. He's going to try and piggyback a ring...it won't work, nor should it.

***Aramis Ramirez loves the cock...fighting - I had no idea about this before I was scouring the wire this morning but apparently A-Ram refused to answer any questions about this yesterday at casa de Cubs. Reports suggest that when back in the Dominican Republic, he has partook in a cockfight or two. Good for you! I realize that it isn't illegal down there, but have some common fucking sense, will ya. American businesses don't like to give their money to people that do that kind of shit. I hate the Cubs. I hope we get another 100 years of them being losers. And Ron Santo sucks, too.

***Ryan Perrilloux just doesn't get it - Fresh off LSU's dominating performance against a crappy team in the BCS title game (HA!), the sometimes back-up/sometimes starting QB decided to celebrate in a different fashion than his teammates. He decided to not go to any classes or team meetings! Perrilloux is now suspended indefinitely, which means nothing, because he will surely be the starter come Fall. Football players are fucking idiots, by the way. It almost seems like a daily occurrence that I say that but it still rings true. The only good excuse Perrilloux could have for skipping everything is if he was hanging out with the Tiger fan that Damman has a picture of...now that is something I could approve of. Maybe if you all are nice, I could upload that pic someday.

***Tim Mayerbock is a hell of a guy - By now, we have all heard about the shooting at Northern Illinois last week. Please, read this article on ESPN.com. Good job, Tim.

***A revolution in Columbus - Really quick on this one, but Blue Jackets fans are pissed. This is just one more reason that the NHL doesn't get it. Normally, the CBJ ask their season ticket owners to re-up in late April. This year, March 7th. Why? Because if our TWELFTH place team happens to make the playoffs (they won't), you won't get your seat for the playoff games if you don't re-up for next year. Fucking idiots. You can't treat your fans like this and hold them hostage. I wish that Ken Hitchcock still had his mustache.

***That's a pretty liberal definition of celebrity - Dancing with the Stars has announced their "roster" for this upcoming season. The list includes Priscilla Presley (Naked Gun!), Kristi Yamaguchi, Adam Corolla (this could be pretty funny), Marlee Matlin (she's deaf, but she can read lips and is a decent tennis ball-girl), Shannon Elizabeth (ugh, nice career), Steve Guttenberg (GUTTENBERG!!!), Cristian de la Fuente (who?), and Marissa Jaret Winokur (who?); tennis champion Monica Seles (taking a STAB at dancing, eh), magician Penn Jillette (annoying), R&B singer Mario (who?) and Miami Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor (you are a loser). May God have mercy on us all. Moms everywhere have to be pumped up.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Middle Finger: Hank Steinbrenner



I'm doing this for you all today. I can see the forest through the trees here. Someone just opened up his big fat mouth again. Even though he is my owner, I'm not stupid. I know that he's an idiot. I know that he knows nothing about baseball and is determined to run the Yankees into the ground. But I'm not going to slam him. No. I'm going to let him do it himself. Below are some snippets from some interviews that I will not link to because I'm too lazy. You tell me, is he crazy or stupid?

This week's Middle Finger goes to the finger-pointing Hank Steinbrenner.

"But as far as missing the playoffs - if we miss the playoffs by the end of this year, I don't know how patient I'll be. But it won't be against the players. It won't be a matter of that. It will be a matter of maybe certain people in the organization could have done something else.''--Alright!!! Who doesn't love a boss that openly threatens his employees?

"There's a famous line from the movie 'Patton' where Patton has gotten himself in trouble again by saying something to the press. And he told his aide, his captain, 'The next time I start to do something like that stop me,''' Steinbrenner said. "Then the guy says, 'Well, I'll give you a gentle nudge.' And he says, 'No, you give me a swift kick in the ass.' So I told Brian that one time.''--Brian Cashman has the worst best job in the world...there is no doubt.

"Don't make any mistake about it: Our team in the late 90s beat everybody, and we beat everybody because we were that much better than everybody,'' he said. "And they had just as many players doing stuff - all the teams. I guarantee you go through every team in baseball, and they all have the same basic percentage of players doing stuff. They just weren't as good as us. You think the Red Sox didn't have players doing stuff back then? Give me a ... break. They just weren't as good as us, and neither was anybody else.''--You've got to love that Steinbrenner charm. Other players were doing stuff, too, but it didn't matter because we were too good!!! What a quote! Sweet dig on the Red Sox, too.

"If I didn't get my schoolwork done I'd be in study hall, but I'd be reading Churchill's memoirs or I'd be reading the racing form,'' he said. "You know - sneaking.''--That makes sense, you know, because you aren't very intelligent and all.

"I'm no super scout or super expert, but he's the greatest clutch hitter I've ever seen since we've owned the team, anywhere in baseball,'' Steinbrenner said. "Reggie was more just strictly home runs, though. A lot of strikeouts as well. I'm not so sure seventh game of the World Series, bottom of the ninth, if I wouldn't want Mattingly up there ahead of anybody else. The only other two would be Reggie and Brett, George Brett. But was far as getting any kind of hit necessary, Mattingly would be your guy.''--Look, I love Don Mattingly just as much as the next guy, but don't sit there straight-faced and tell me that he was clutch. You could ask a thousand Yankee fans to describe Donnie Baseball and not one of them would say that he was deadly in the clutch. Hell, every single time he's been with the Yankees they have fallen flat on their faces. Fair, no. True, of course.

"Everybody that knows sports knows football is tailor-made for performance-enhancing drugs. I don't know how they managed to skate by. It irritates me. Don't tell me it's not more prevalent. The number in football is at least twice as many. Look at the speed and size of those players."--This is from yesterday's release where he calls out the NFL for no apparent reason. What a weirdo. When in doubt, blame someone else!

"You've got to win,'' he said. "Otherwise, there's no reason being in it.''--Ah, the old Steinbrenner moxie that we Yankees fans have grown to love and our enemies will always hate.



As you can see, Hank Steinbrenner is insane. And this isn't a large sample size of quotes. This was yesterday's press release and an interview with the AP. The man should not be allowed to be quoted because it always ends in disaster. Enjoy this week's Middle Finger from my readers, Hank. Your actions are soon going to make all of us forget about your father entirely.

OH!!! I can't find the quote but Hank has also said that his favorite actress is Jennifer Love Hewitt. Wow. I finally know of someone that watches Ghost Whisperer. Maybe you don't deserve a Middle Finger after all...maybe a Texas Chili Bowl is more fitting (it involves tabasco sauce, a phone, and an anus).

Monday, February 18, 2008

NASCAR...Still Boring



Nobody knows who this guy is.

I'm trying...trust me. Hell, I'm even doing some NASCAR fantasy leagues this year to see if I'm missing out on something. I watched all of the Daytona 500 yesterday and I'm still left with the same feeling that I've always had about the pseudo-sport.

It sucks. It blows. It simultaneously sucks and blows.

When you have your "Super Bowl" taking place, people shouldn't be falling asleep in the middle of it. And that is exactly what happened in our living room yesterday.

Ryan Newman, that's him on the left but don't worry because you'll likely never hear about him again, won the big race. I've got to think that NASCAR was pissed. You've got to believe that they wanted one of their stars to win, but it was not meant to be. The guy hadn't won anything in over 80 races. At least he is consistent. I'm fairly certain that he has no personality which is why we never hear about him. It's kid of like if the Tampa Bay Bucs would have won the Super Bowl this year. People would have watched but after it's conclusion, no one would remember and would regret wasting 4 hours on that crap. Kind of like Brian Billick's title!

A big screw you goes out to Fox for saying that the race was to start at 2, lying about it, and having what felt like 3 days of pre-race coverage. Yeah, that's exciting, really long segments where morons talk about carburators. And who the hell thought it was a good idea to dig up Chubby Checker??? He was shaking (and lip-synching) more than his twin brother, Muhammad Ali (too soon?). I bet every redneck tailgate was singing along to "Let's Twist Again" out in the parking lot before the race. Way to know your audience, Fox. And that was one sweet Canadian tuxedo that Mr. Checker was wearing as well.

Congratulations to Darrell Waltrip! How a guy who obviously can't read or speak rational words gets on TV is something that you have to applaud. What the bloody fuck does "boogity, boogity, boogity" mean? Someone, anyone? He's an idiot. He spent 4 hours talking in poor, dumb country folk and used about every hillbilly metaphor he could think of. What a dipshit.

I've long made the stand that racing isn't a sport and the drivers sure as hell aren't athletes. I'm right, deal with it. And my point was proven yesterday. In what other sport does one of their top 3 athletes weigh 600 pounds??? Did you see Tony Stewart The Hut? He's a freaking lard-ass! I thought he did the Jared Subway diet! There is no way in Hell that he could climb through the window into his car. I heard they had to call in the Jaws of Life to get him out after the race. But, you know what they say, only real athletes train on bacon grease and deep-friend candy bars. Oh yeah, nice hair, tough guy.

Well, my NASCAR quota has been met for the year and I couldn't be happier. If I want to be bored, I'll watch the NBA. At least it won't put me to sleep. By the way, LeBron James did more damage in New Orleans last night than----I better not make that joke. He's way too good though.

Anyway, in conclusion, congrats to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (or whatever this guy's name was, I kept calling him Randy Newman) for winning the Super Bowl. See you all in Daytona next year for another nap!!!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Settling This Once And For All UPDATED



We had a heated debate here on Wednesday about which iconic 90's show was better: Saved By The Bell or Beverly Hills 90210. Today, I'm giving you all 5 quick and potentially rhetorical questions comparing the shows. Give me your answers in the comments. I'll be dropping the answer key tomorrow. This quiz is brought to you by the still sexy star of both shows, Miss Tiffani Thiessen (I know Tori Spelling was on both, too, but she doesn't count because she sucks). Let's get it on, I'm leaving work today at 1 and need to get some work done...



1. Which is the better restaurant: The Max or The Peach Pit (do NOT include The After Dark in your answer, this is purely on dining experience)?

ANSWER - Have you seen the food that Ed Alonzo and that weirdo James serve the kids from Bayside??? It looks worse than cafeteria food! Nat on the otherhand, prepares the food at his greasy spoon with love and care. The Peach Pit is the answer to almost every question in life.



2. If these shows were on Cinemax, who would you have pulled more ass: Zack Morris or Dylan McKay?

ANSWER - Yeah, it's Dylan and that was an easy one. The character of Dylan fits perfectly into a Cinemax plot.


3. Which of these was the more heartbreaking moment: When Kelly dumped Zack at some sort of costume party dance to be with the overly queer-looking Jeff or when Dylan watched his new wife (played by the lovely Rebecca Gayheart) get murdered by her own father?

ANSWER - This one is tough and the fiancee and I were discussing this last night. Kelly cheated on Zack and broke up with him while he was wearing tights and Jesse and Slater were singing "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You" in the background. Yeah, it sucked for Dylan, but he only started dating her because he wanted to kill her mob boss father. He played with fire, he got burnt. I'm giving this one to Zack for most heartbreaking because Kelly was a slut.


4. What was the most unbelievable musical revelation: The three girls from Bayside as "Hot Sundae" (Jesse breaks down after abusing pep pills!!!) and the odd band "Zack Attack" that apparently was good enough to have Kasey Kasam follow them around or the fact that we were meant to believe that David Silver was some sort of awesome club DJ?
ANSWER - OK, what is more far-fetched? America loving 3 cute girls who sing pop songs, a group of friends hitting it big with songs about being friends and whatnot, or an absolute douchebag becoming a star DJ? Sorry, club music is for fags and Brian Austin Green was not believable in the roll at all.


5. What was the more unintentionally funny moment: When Zack found out that he was part Native American and did a report dressed as an Indian or the great Ray Pruitt pushing Donna down the stairs?

ANSWER - I'm surprised at you people. This one was such a slam dunk yet you all went in the opposite direction. Of course the answer is Ray Pruitt!!! Didn't we all want to push Donna down a flight of stairs? He just had the balls and moxie to pull it off. How do you talk to an angel, bitch.

Tough calls all around. I wish you the best of luck. Before I leave, my heart goes out to the people at Northern Illinois...stay strong, MAC pride. I'll be back tomorrow with the answer grid. Peace.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Dishing Out Awards



Wow, that was one hell of a heated discussion regarding 90210/Saved By The Bell yesterday. Keep a lid on it though today people, we will approach that again tomorrow.

Today, I'm unveiling my favorite and most hated college hoops teams. With a month left before the Madness begins, it's time to recognize and degrade some amatuer athletes. It's what I do best. First up, the good...

The 2007-2008 Chris Lofton All-Stars - a tribute to my favorite player in college hoops

First Team:
G Greg Paulus, Duke - I don't care what everyone says about him, I love him. He's a bulldog that gives his all every minute he's on the floor
G AJ Graves, Butler - Is there anyone else in the country that you would rather have taking a game-winning shot?
G Russell Westbrook, UCLA - the most electric 6th man in the country, he starts on my team
C Luke Harangody, Notre Dame - ugly as sin but he's all heart and made this team last year...he's a shoe-in for Big East player of the year and the Hudda Gerken Look-alike contest
C Kenny George, UNC-Asheville - 7'7" beast that leads the mid-majors in awesomeness



Second Team:
G David Kool, Western Michigan - fantastic name, athletic white combo guard, almost single-handedly beat my RedHawks in double OT on Tuesday with clutch shots
G Robbie Hummel, Purdue - looks like a farmer but has proven to be a stud in a crappy conference
F Jason Thompson, Rider - the best player you haven't heard of...averages 20 and 12 for the Broncs
F David Padgett, Louisville - it's no secret that the Cards (C-A-R-D-S, CARDS!!!) finally began to play well once Padgett returned from injury
C Hasheem Thabeet, UCONN - I love me some blocked shots. Thabeet is the president of the SWAT team this season

The 2007-2008 Tyler Hansbrough Team of Extreme Douchebaggery - yeah, I don't like these guys



First Team:
G Derrick Low, Washington State - a ponytail??? Cut your fucking hair, aging hippie liberal douche
G Jon Scheyer, Duke - I like to think that he was the second gunman on the grassy knoll in the Duke Lacrosse rape case
G Bubba Walther, Ohio - I HATE this guy; he sucks, he's a twig, he does nothing but miss three's, and he plays for my least favorite school ever
F Drew Naymick, Michigan State - if you root for a big white stiff with red hair then I'm sorry, I can not help you...what the hell is he doing in this pic anyway? Gang signs?
C Kosta Koufos, An Ohio State University - go back to Europe (I realize that he's from the thriving Greek metropolis of Canton, OH); 7 footers shouldn't be floating around the perimeter, be a man and get a few rebounds



Second Team:
G Dominic James, Marquette - very overrated player on a very overrated team...Marquette sucks
G Tajuan Porter, Oregon - never met a shot he didn't like...and has missed most of them; I still have no idea what that growth on the side of his face is
F Josh Duncan, Xavier - see my comments on Koufos except add a pussy-ass black guy
F Josh Heytvelt, Gonzaga - you may remember him as the guy that celebrates wins with a fistful of 'shrooms...if you want to do that shit, move to Athens, OH
C Esmir Rizvic, Texas Tech - I always thought that Koufos was the ugliest player in hoops...boy was I wrong. This guy's nose could put an eye out.

Well, there you go. Did I forget someone (not bloody likely)? Let me know in the comments. I'll be back for some more quality discussion tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The Hump Day Hump



Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, the "Original Brokeback Mountain Starred Steve Largent and the New Redskins Coach" Edition.

***When I think about me, I touch myself - I rarely get to talk about myself. I'm doing it now. Fuck it, deal with it. This past Sunday, I executed a practice that I had not done in a long-ass time...day-drinking without eating anything. Not good. Oh it was great to be hammered by 4 pm, but the quasi-blackout and not remembering anything about the Blue Jackets game somewhat worries me. And don't get me started on the hangover. I think I'm finally over it now but nothing beats running to your office bathroom every hour on the hour. I was like an AM radio station traffic report. Yeah, that's not embarrassing at all. It's worse than living on a ranch with Gentleman Jim Zorn. But enough about me, it's not like I'm not going to tie one on again this weekend at a wedding. I'm a man, I'm 27!!!

***And you think that you know boredom - During the Spring and Summer, I umpire high school baseball. I've been doing it for 7 years now. Whatever, you don't care. To keep my license, I have to attend 4 local rules interpretation meetings. Let me tell you, they fucking suck. An hour+ of some guy reading out of a rule book is 8 times worse than it even sounds. But this past meeting, Monday night, we had a special guest. MLB veteran umpire, Tim Timmons, spoke for about 45 minutes and answered questions. I've met a few MLB umps before and they always have great stories. Whether it be crazy ejections or whatever else you can think of, there is always a tale. Anyway, Timmons did a Q/A thing that had a few interesting tidbits. Base coaches are going to be required to wear helmets (which is weird). The QUESTEC systems are going away. Replay is going to be available soon. And when someone asked about Roger Clemens he emphatically said into the mic, "NO COMMENT!!!" It was hilarious.

***I know that I saw this coming - It wouldn't be college basketball season if Kelvin Sampson wasn't being investigated for being a weasal. Ha! Blog commenter, IU fan, and man about town, jessegscott, and I have had arguments about the shadiness of Sampson in the past. Well, jesse, what do you think about your boy now. The papers from the NCAA have been delivered and now the Hoosiers have to wait to go in front of the board to explain these illegal transgressions. Mike Davis wasn't that bad now, was he?

***Coming to Wrestlemania 25... - Wow. Normally, I find steroid talk about as boring as Brad Garrett, but not today. Roger and Mac are in front of Congress this morning and the results are expected to be boner-ific. For one of these guys, the lies end now. It seems like Andy Pettitte is backing Mac and Jose Canseco is defending Clemens. What incredibly odd bed fellows here. You just know that Vince McMahon wants to get these 4 in a ring together. I like to think that Canseco and Clemens, or The Shooters, would be managed by The Mouth of the South, Jimmy Hart. Today is going to be interesting on Capitol Hill.

***Trying to stay positive but history shows that I shouldn't be - I want to think that I like the Jim Zorn hire for the Skins. I really do. I mean, anyone is better than Jim Fassel, right? But, like everything football-related that Dan Snyder touches, I'm sure Zorn will fail. What a circus that hiring process was. And now there are rumors that the Skins want Chad Johnson...ugh. While I do admit that they need a big, play-making WR, is this lockerroom cancer really the answer? And what are the Bengals going to ask for in return? They don't want him anymore so we do have the power here. I think a 3rd and a 7th would be fair considering our bargaining advantage...or Shawn Springs and a 4th rounder. Something like that. Either way, I have a bad feeling that the Skins are going to suck next season. Already being 21 mill over the cap doesn't help.

***Reggie Bush likes white women, taking money - Also being deposed this week is Saints mediocre RB, Reggie Bush. Obviously, if you're reading this, you know that he and his family are accused of taking money from a marketing agency while Bush was at USC. Who really cares though? If Bush got paid, he certainly earned it (at least as a Trojan). How can you blame a teenage kid for accepting money that someone is handing to him? I would...who doesn't take free money? However this mess ends, I'm sure Reggie will live the rest of his life plowing through many different varieties of gigantic white asses.

***Oh yeah, new episodes of 'Til Death are coming - Hey, the writers are back working today!!! Thanks for ruining three+ months of TV, ya jerks. As crappy as the strike was for Joe TV Watcher, I'm glad that things will be back to normal soon. I mean, someone watches Bones and has been longing for new episodes, right? I don't know any of these people however. A big Boo! though to NBC as it looks like Friday Night Lights is done. Fuck that. How am I supposed to go on with my life without the wacky antics of Tim "It's Wednesday, I never go to school on Wednesdays" Riggins? Oh yeah, Brad Garrett isn't funny. Watching him get impaled would be though.

Alright, I'm out. Back tomorrow...hopefully a little less gay.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The Middle Finger: Chris Berman



This topic was a long time coming for me. I mean, who enjoys recycled catchphrases and 1970's song title nicknames? He's been doing the same hack crap for 20+ years now and I was sick of it 10 years ago. For some reason, though, ESPN keep trotting him on screen like the face of the company that he supposedly is. He must have dirt on the ESPN honchos. Either way, this is an easy Middle Finger today. If you stopped by yesterday, or been anywhere throughout the blogosphere in the past week, you've seen the insane videos that are making the rounds. Simply put, he's a jerk.

And that's why this week's Middle Finger goes to the gin-soaked Chris Berman.

Since you all have likely seen his newly surfaced videos, I've come to the realization that Berman is ESPN's real-life version of Ron Burgundy. Think about it, can you not picture him throwing out "Gun Show" jokes and serenading whores with his flute skills.? He walks around Bristol with an erection and blames his pants. Treating women like sexual conquests, talking constantly about his love of scotch, and his ownership of many leather-bound books? I think that the Burgundy/Berman analogy is a pretty fair one, no?

But let's talk for a moment about how out of touch he is. When was the last time that you laughed at one of his clever nicknames? It's been awhile, hasn't it? Whether it be Jim "Two Silhouettes On" DeShaies, Joaquin "The Dog" Andujar, or Rafael "Emerson, Lake, and" Palmiero, they are all way outdated and retarded. Nobody under the age of 20 has any idea what he's talking about. You just know that he prays for Lito Sheppard to have a big game so he can sing some Boz Scaggs on The Blitz that night. Boz Scaggs!!! Man, he sure does get his audience.

And of course, who can forget the iconic legend of "You're With Me, Leather"? If you're unfamiliar with this cautionary tale, give the link a read. You won't be sorry.

Berman is now doing a nightly Sportscenter segment called The Greatest Highlight or something like that. Terrible. Whatever. I hate him.

I'm calling off the dogs early today because I could talk about my hatred for Berman all day if I wanted to. Leave me some love in the comments on your least favorite Berman-ism's if you'd like.



Enjoy your Middle Finger, Christopher, you've earned this one. 20+ years of being shitty...and still going strong.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Hitler Is Having A Bad Month

I told you all that I'm partaking in an all-day quasi-bachelor party/drinking binge on Sunday. I am taking Monday morning off from work and am typing this Saturday evening. So here are a couple great Hitler videos and links for you to devour in my absence.

Hitler pissed that the Cowboys were eliminated (an older video for you die hard bloggers, yet still hilarious)...




Hitler's other team, the Patriots, are bringing down the Nazi's...




Priceless stuff.

One more, Chris Berman is a fucking nutjob.




A few links before I'm out.

A stalker's point of view of the Super Bowl. Great pictures here.

A diehard Giants fan sneaks into the celebration...good read.



I'll be back tomorrow (Tuesday). Out.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Geek, Dweeb, Or Spazz



Do you all remember when Saturday Night Live was funny? I know, I know, it's been years (it directly coorelates to when they tried to stuff the dreadful Seth Meyers down our throats). But you remember the sketch "Geek, Dweeb or Spazz", right? They brought out some weirdo and had 3 contestants judge them based on their hobbies and mannerisms and whatnot. I figured, why the hell can't I do that, too? I'm busting out 5 athletes or people in the sporting world and we can judge them together. So sit back and enjoy the ride because "It's gonna be shweeeeeeet."



Roger Clemens - I used to really like Roger. Now, I just wish he would go away. Go live on some other planet with Mark McGwire and Gary Glitter. Roger collects pictures of unicorns and watches nothing but Monty Python movies.
ROGER CLEMENS IS...A GEEK



Tyler Hansbrough - Contrary to Roger, I have NEVER liked "Psycho T". As I've said before on this very blog, yes, he has a big motor. But he's a terrible shooter with no post game. He runs around like a chicken with it's head cut-off (hillbilly metaphor!!!). Tyler wears suspenders and attends all of his classes.
TYLER HANSBROUGH IS...A SPAZZ



Jeff Gordon - In case you haven't noticed, and judging by your full set of teeth, you haven't, NASCAR starts up again next weekend. So let's take a look at everyone's favorite possibly gay punching bag, The Rainbow Warrior. Personally, I know nothing about racin', but I say I'm a Gordon fan just to see people's reactions. They think that I enjoy the taste of a man's genitals. Jeff wears cut-off t-shirts, drinks Mountain Dew, and teaches remedial math to fellow drivers that dropped out of school in the 3rd grade.
JEFF GORDON IS...A HAYSEED DWEEB



Curt Schilling - I almost lost control of my bodily functions yesterday when I received a text from this blog's recruiting expert, Drew, saying that Schill was retiring. But, unfortunately, news is out that he may not be done after all. Fuck that. Schilling represents two of my least favorite brand names...Red Sox and Republicans (feel that alliteration run through your veins!). Curt stuffs his underwear with a honey baked ham and thinks that "2 tickets to the gun show" jokes are still funny.
CURT SCHILLING IS...A LARDASS GEEK (and a self-righteous, red state, nutjob prick)



Sam Cassell - There aren't many pictures better than this one. I've always liked Sam I Am and even though he's old, I would still love to see him in a Cavs uniform. If you can think of an uglier person than Sam, I will call you a liar. Cassell enjoys intergalactic travel, Star Trek movies, and Miles Davis.
SAM CASSELL IS...AN ALIEN DWEEB

Hey, that was great. Hell, I'm great. I'm not sure what I'm going to do here on Monday. Since we're doing a quasi-bachelor party on Sunday (featuring Buckeye Basketball Drinking Game and some live NHL action) and I took Monday morning off, we'll see what I come up with. Probably just a link dump or something. Either way, peace out, have a good weekend. Go to Hell, Curt Schilling. I'd like to thank Annie Lennox and Al Franken...my mom sitting at home watching this. Good night, New York!!!

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Inside Brian McNamee's Vault



I was going to do a tribute to Ed Werder today. It was going to be glorious. But the fact is, I can't find any good info about the beautifully-mustachioed ESPN NFL reporter. I apologize. And since ESPN will now be cryogenically freezing him until the Draft, we will have to wait until the Cowboys are in their War Room before we see him again. God speed, Ed.



Instead, we were granted a sneak peek into Brian McNamee's vault of goodies that incriminate Roger Clemens. I got a chance to look inside before it was all handed over to investigators. Let's just say that the results are interesting and The Rocket has some explaining to do. Follow me here...

--syringes
--vials
--bloody gauze pads
--a half eaten club sandwich
--a VHS copy of Joe Versus The Volcano
--a giant bottle of pills labeled "THESE AREN'T STEROIDS"
--a Steve Vai guitar pick
--in autographed copy of Burt Reynolds' Autobiography titled "My Life"
--a lock of Roy Oswalt's merkin
--a shrunken head
--nude pictures of Suzyn Waldman
--a note from his mother granting Roger permission to use HGH
--a case of Crystal Pepsi
--a Light-Brite
--a wacky, waving, inflatable, arm-flailing tube man
--a 3 Dog Night 8 Track
--nude pictures of John Kruk
--John Kruk's removed testicle
--a canister of David Wells' brand bacon gravy
--KY warming jelly
--proof that Joe Girardi was, in fact, Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer
--the DVD of "Dorf Goes Lying To Congress" starring Tim Conway
--a signed 8X10 of Fabio
--Jim Abbott's missing hand
--a letter from Mark McGwire that only says, "Keep it up, you're doing great. Call me."
--Natalie Holloway
--Joe Torre's removed prostate
--Hank Steinbrenner's sanity
--Dan Duquette's heart
--an unfinished autobiography titled "Put It In My Butt"
--Sour Patch Kids
--fake dog poop
--a box of Big League Chew

Wow, there may be a case against him after all. That is some pretty damning evidence. I mean anyone that owns a "Dorf On" video should serve some time, right? Did I forget anything? Let me know in the comments.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

The Hump Day Hump



Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, the "Today Begins My 6 Week Journey Into The Realm Of Vegetarianism" Edition. Hopefully, South Park is wrong and I don't start growing little vaginas all over my sexy frame. I'm doing this for Jesus though so it's cool.

***Will Shaq be the new Vince Carter - This is a bit of a headscratcher for me. Why would the Suns dump Shawn Marion to add an aging center who doesn't fit their system at all? It appears that this is a done deal and it is definitely interesting. Will adding Shaq make the Suns better and ready to knock off the Spurs in the West? I don't see it. I guess Marion was expendable considering that he couldn't play the 4 anyway and Amare is not really a center. But Shaq was the best they could have gotten for him??? I'm sure the Cavs would have unloaded Gooden and Larry for The Matrix. Seems like a better deal, at least for Phoenix, to me. But the most interesting thing is whether or not we see a different Shaq than what we have seen the last 2 years. If he comes out and dominates again, that's bullshit. That would be a replica of Vince Carter tanking in Toronto to force a trade. And I hated that. We'll have to wait and see on this, I guess, but I'm just really confused by Steve Kerr's decision here. And I don't want to see Shaq Fu in an orange uniform.

***At least Neil Reed is happy - Time to weigh in on the Bobby Knight saga. Yes, he is a legend and one of the best coaches ever. But he never adapted to the times and I can't respect that. He never figured out that you can't bully people around anymore and that you can't win big with "system" players. His teams were terrible in the tournament over the past 10-15 years. Who was the last player that he coached that went on to the NBA? Calbert Cheaney? I don't know, we'll all miss his wacky antics, but really, who cares? Who thinks about Texas Tech hoops? They still aren't relevant (that will get the comment section going). To me, it's kind of like when Jordan went and played for the Wiz for two years. It's the same guy but it's not the same. The General should have never come back in the first place.

***Now THAT was a great basketball game - Chances are pretty good that none of you watched the Celtics/Cavs game last night. That's cool, I can live with that. But The Q had a real playoff-type buzz running through it and the game did not disappoint. Who doesn't love a good 114-113 game anyway? Crazy people, that's who. And while there was no Garnett, Varejao, Pavlovic, and second half Drew Gooden, the play was sensational. Here comes a prediction for you, there is NO WAY that the Celtics can beat a healthy Cavaliers team in the playoffs. None. LeBron is unstoppable. Z is playing like the All-Star that he should have been this year. Hell, even Larry Hughes is playing great basketball on both ends. Who would have thought that Ira Newble (RedHawk) and Dwayne Jones would contribute to this team? If Danny Ferry can trade for one more shooter, they can win it all. He won't though because he sucks at life.

***Rudy Giuliani eats dick salads - If any of you weirdos still buy baseball cards, you have a 1 in 700 chance to get a special card this year. Topps has a card of Giuliani giving a big fist pump when the Red Sox won the World Series this past year. What the fuck? And you wonder why no one will vote for you, Rudy. I went off on my big soapbox last month about how stupid people root for their rivals because they are in the same league. The same rules apply here, Rudy. I have to cut the cord with you. You can keep preaching about 9/11 until your face turns blue, but all that I see is another dickbag Red Sox fan.

***Introducing the Prank of the Century - To all you non-losers out there, today is National Signing Day. Blah, blah, blah, Terrelle Pryor, blah, blah, blah, gay Elmer Fudd. No, I'm not talking about him again. Here's a story for you though that should make you laugh. Some kid named Kevin Hart from Nevada signed his letter of intent with Cal. The only problem is that Jeff Tedford never offered him a scholarship and never even tried to recruit him. Apparently, someone that this kid knew made this all up as a prank...and it worked BEAUTIFULLY! How does this kid even show his face anywhere? You've got to respect the follow through by the pranker here...job well done. And let me bring in Michael Irvin to finish this paragraph..."Kevin Hart just got JACKED UP!!!"

***Welcome back Dickie V - I'm not the biggest Vitale fan. He's OK but I don't think that you have to be a retard to call a basketball game. Anyway, he's back from his throat issues tonight to call the Duke/Carolina game. That should be a fantastic game. I'm going to pick Duke to win...not sure why, call it a hunch. Ty Lawson's injured ankle doesn't help the Heels either. And have you been watching hoops this week? I'm so glad that ESPN is finally televising weeknight mid-major games. Two of the best games that you will see all year were Monday's Gonzaga/St. Mary's OT thriller and Butler's amazing comeback last night over Valpo. If you don't like watching Tennessee hang 104 points on a team, you don't like basketball. Now is the time of year that you, as a fan, need to get focused as the tournament is right around the corner.

***Super Tuesday is Super Gay - I was laying in bed last night and realized that it was a big political day in America (fuck yeah). So I turned on CNN for a few minutes to see what happened. It looks like John McCain will be running for the Repubic-hairs and the Dems race is still wide open. I'm not going to pretend to know what I'm talking about here as that was the most news coverage I've watched in the last two years combined (and I only watched about 7 minutes). But I will say this, John McCain, really??? He looks terrible. Even if he wins, he might die before his inauguration. But what do I know, I'm just a registered voter. USA!!!

I'm out, catch ya'll peeps tomorrow.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

The Middle Finger: Terrelle Pryor



First things first, people that devote their lives to following college recruiting are losers. I mean seriously, what are the odds that a blue-chipper actually performs to their expectations...10%? 20%? Yet some people insist on treating these 18 year old high school seniors like saviors who will take their programs to new heights. It's a practice of false hopes and likely disappointments. And with National Signing Day for college football coming tomorrow, these dorks are all over mainstream media spewing out random facts and projections. Most kids don't make a major spectacle of the whole thing though. They know where they are going to go to school and make their decision known right away to avoid the media circus of nerds. Except for one kid.

And that is why this week's Middle Finger goes to Terrelle Pryor.

I know what you are thinking, how can you attack an 18 year old kid? Have you not read my stuff before...I do this shit all the time! Everyone is fair game. Especially punk-ass prima donnas who think that they are bigger than the game itself.

Pryor is apparently the #1 high school senior in the country and has had colleges falling all over themselves to talk to him for the past few years. He has known for the past few years who the real players were and where the best situation for him would be. And yet, we wait. He still doesn't know where he wants to play ball. Even with Signing Day tomorrow, he is now "80-90% sure" that he will make up his mind by tomorrow. Fuck you, Terrelle, we aren't naive. You know where you are going. You've already made up your mind. Why keep dragging this shit out?

You know why this is grinding my gears though? Because the last two days, on my way to and from work listening to the local sports talk radio, the Sportscenter updates didn't lead with the Super Bowl or Bobby Knight dying/quitting, they lead with a "Terrelle Pryor Update". THAT is what pisses me off. This kid is getting more attention in central Ohio than the goddamn Super Bowl! He's 18 fucking years old and statistics will show that he has a greater chance of shitting the bed than he does of playing on Sundays. And I know what you're thinking in the pedophiliac mind of yours, "that's the media's fault, it's not Terrelle's." Well, you're wrong. If he would just announce the decision that he made in his head long, long ago, we wouldn't have to deal with this insanity.

According to his website (yeah, he has one), he takes Charlie Batch with him almost everywhere to help him with the recruiting process. Charlie Batch??? How is a guy that played at Eastern Michigan going to help a kid handle the rigors of big-time recruiting? Or maybe Chaz is making a last ditch pitch for the Eagles?

All could be forgiven (for the most part, I still hate me-first athletes) if he just makes his decision tomorrow. But I doubt he will, he wants this to keep escalating until he gets his own ESPN reality show. Or a new car from Tressel's brother or a sack with a dollar sign on it from Richie Rodriguez. And that is the worst part. It's believed to be down to Ohio State and Michigan as his final destinations. So think about this, if he waits until a week or two to pick, the loser in this is fucked. Not just for this year, but for a few years. Especially Michigan. DickRod is putting all of his eggs in Pryor's basket to come in and run his spread offense for the next 4 years. If Pryor comes here (Columbus) but doesn't announce that until March, what does Michigan do? They have NO QB (which would be good because my Redhawks play them this Fall). Same thing with Ohio State but not nearly as obvious. If the best that they have is 40 year old Todd Boeckman, they need him, too. And it's clear that they have no one else. He's holding these programs hostage. And that's bullshit.



So fuck you, Terrelle Pryor, you are an asshole. Just make up your fucking mind already. You are nothing more than a newer, less suicidal version of Terrell Owens. Enjoy this Middle Finger...maybe it will help you think. If it doesn't, I'm sure you can shove it up Charlie Batch's anus. Get your head out of your ass and be a man.

Monday, February 04, 2008

The Worst of The Super Bowl



Well, that was interesting, wasn't it? Before we get going, let's get one thing clear. That was not one of the biggest upsets ever. It was shocking, but I agree with the concussed Steve Young on this. If you look only at the playoffs, the game played out exactly as it should have. I was right when I told you to take the Giants with the points by the way. A couple of things before I start hammering the Patriots:

The Hall of Fame finally got it right. Congrats to Art Monk. He deserves it. And who doesn't like Darrell Green? Saturday was a great day to be a Redskins fan. Two of our best ever are getting into Canton. By the way, besides Anthony Munoz, are there any other Bengals in Canton???

If Giants D-Coordinator, Steve Spagnuolo, isn't the next coach of the Redskins, he has to be the worst interviewee of all time. I WANT this guy. He can coach. Please, Dan Snyder, don't fuck this up. This is our guy.

The Super Bowl commercials sucked. Bud Light is just getting ridiculous. No one likes Carlos Mencia so why are you still shoving him down our throats. My boy, Big Ben, should be embarrassed for that American Idol commercial. I should throw away my retro Ben jersey after that shit.

Say these next few sentences with me and allow them to sink in: Tom Coughlin won a Super Bowl. Eli Manning is Super Bowl MVP. It kind of makes you shudder.

Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers put on the best Super Bowl halftime show I've seen in a long time. They sounded great and didn't squeeze in some new song that no one has heard of. Job well done there.

Joe Buck was suprisingly not piss-poor in the booth. Overall, FOX did a pretty good job with their telecast.

The NFL Draft is a few months away!!!

And now the worst...and trust me, I will not be walking away from the computer before I finish this post like the classless douchebag known as Bill Belichick.

5. Tiki Barber and Jeremy Shockey - I'm not 100% certain, but I don't think that I mind that the Giants are champs. I am sure that I'm overjoyed that Barber and Shockey had NOTHING to do with it. Tiki was at home stroking his ego and Shockey was in a box getting loaded. They had zero to do with that one. I couldn't be happier either. It's easy to say that the Giants added by subtracting these homos. It's even easier to question Tiki and Shockey's sexuality and calling them names. It's easiest to say that their legacies are tarnished forever. I like that one. They weren't needed to win the Super Bowl...that is music to my ears. Go ahead and act like a dick every time you catch a 5 yard pass next year, Shockey, we all now know that you aren't very important.

4. Junior Seau - Boo-fuckin-hoo. Oh, you mean that the football Gods don't like this kind of behavior? Go figure. When you sign a one day contract to retire with the Chargers, you are supposed to go away. Not change your mind two days later, sell out your fans, and try to backdoor a ring. You don't deserve one. You and your weird haircut need to go away. You tried to piggyback a ring and it didn't happen...now get the fuck out of my sight. It's embarrassing to see behavior like this, I'm glad that the football Gods agreed and stuck a railroad spike in your ass for emphasis.

3. Rodney Harrison/Ellis Hobbs - Quick question...when the Giants were in the red zone, why wasn't Asante Samuel covering Plax? Samuel is one of the 5 best corners in the league! Yet poor Ellis Hobbs gets abused and takes the blame. That's poor coaching, you should have your best on their best. And way to go Rodney HGHarrison!!! Not only did you make ZERO plays, you also got outplayed by THEE David Tyree. You know, the same David Tyree that, had it not been for Jared Lorenzen, would have been the worst player on the Giants this year. Go away, Rodney, you asshole. You can't play anymore.

2. Bill Belichick - Like I said earlier, FUCK YOU BILL for walking off the field before the game was over. ESPN pundits hammered Randy Moss when he did the exact same thing a few years back with Minnesota yet nothing is said regarding this cowardly display. You got beat, act like a man. That was horrendous. The NFL should fine him for that. As far as X's and O's go, do you kick the 49 yard field goal or go for it on 4th and 13??? Even an idiot would kick the FG. You lost by 3 points...coincidence? He was outcoached by Tom "Rat Boy" Coughlin TWICE this season. Maybe he isn't as smart as we want to think he is. And nice job being stubborn and not ordering some max protect on offense. Boy, that was a terrible coaching job last night. But it was not as bad as...

1. The Patriots O-Line - They lost the game. It's that simple. The Patriots bearded offensive line cost them the perfect season. They couldn't block anyone. Poor Tom Brady was on his back more than Kim Kardashian at the Source Awards (BAH-zing!). As a former offensive line great myself (my Loan Zone Player of the Week award from the regional semifinals proves it!), it was embarrassing to see them get manhandled like that. I don't blame Brady for anything, he played well for the most part. But when he's getting smacked in the jaw every other play, anyone would be a bit rattled. And it's not like (next Redskins coach) Spagnuolo was sending the house every play. It was all generated from the front four. That should haunt those guys all summer. They couldn't pass protect, they couldn't run block, they couldn't even stop the giant hole in Tedy Bruschi's heart. That was terrible.

Well, there we go...the end of the NFL season. I'm saddened that it's over yet optomistic in the Steve Spagnuolo Era (it's going to happen, dammit!). Last night, while watching, I was trying to figure out who I should root for. Do I go with the Pats for the pursuit of perfection, my hatred toward Mercury Morris and the '72 Dolphins, and also my hate for the Giants? Or do I go with the Giants because Boston fans are getting a little too big for their britches and need to be silenced? Or do I just sit there, try to enjoy the game, and attempt to demolish as many medium Hooters wings as humanly possible? To be honest, I still don't know. All I do know is that we got a decent game with a great finish and that's all you can really ask for.

One thing that I do know is that, after a brief respite, New York is once again going to shit on Boston at everything (except the NBA)...Osi Umenyiora-style!!!