Tuesday, December 16, 2008

From The Desk Of Sam Bradford...

Dear Billy Sims,

Wow. What a weekend! Not in my wildest dreams could I imagine ever being named the best college football player in the nation. Eventhough Tim Tebow deserved it, I'll still take it though because much like Colt McCoy deserving the BCS title game more than me, once again everything is comin' up Bradford. That's TWICE now that I've been granted something that someone else was more qualified than me for! Unbelievable.

I was so nervous the entire week while in New York. So nervous that I tried to give myself a haircut. That would explain me looking like a homeless person, right! LOL!!! I can't believe that I got to meet former greats like Gino Torretta, Andre Ware, and Eric Crouch. That was a real "who's who" of football greats. And don't even get me started on being interviewed by Chris Fowler! He used to host SportsCentury!

But when that one guy who had no idea what decade it was announced to the world that I was the 1998--err, 2008 Heisman Trophy winner, OMG! All of those years of hard work and dedication had finally paid off for little Sammy. Even this year, Coach Visor-Douche let me run up the score on teams with rotten defenses just so I could win the award of best stats as opposed to being the best player. I did it. I DID IT, BILLY!

The clincher for me was walking up to that podium and seeing all of those past winners clapping and acknowledging my accomplishments. And then there was you. You were so excited for me that the only thing you could do is constantly scream, "BOOMER"! I still don't know why but at the the time, I figured you were just having a seizure. Most people will never be able to say that on the night that they were awarded as the best in their field, some crazy old black man kept interrupting him with incessant and unnecessary screaming. BOOMER!

But I get that you are proud of me and all of the past and present Sooners. And because of that, I am going to take your lead and start trying to overshadow others when they are experiencing the crowning achievement in their lives. Because the spotlight needs to be on us at all times. We're Sooners, dammit, and that makes us more important than anyone else. For example, if some friends of mine have a baby and I show up at the hospital, I would say based on your tutelage of always being the center of attention:
For a Girl: Whoa, she's got a pretty mouth on her.
For a Boy: Pffffft, my dick is way bigger than his.

You see, it's always got to be about us even at the expense of others. And that is a lesson that I learned from you, my friend. You taught me that vital lesson. Thank you, Billy. And in the immortal ramblings of Billy Sims...BOOMER!!!


Sam Bradford, Heisman '08


Upstate Underdog said...

Fowler is a douche. he also hosted Scholastic Sports America on ESPN

Tony B. said...

That's for clearing that up- I also thought someone was having a seizure.

Anonymous said...

G$, I completely agree with you. This Heisman was stolen from Tebow. He had the most first place votes, but the Big 12 voting region screwed him! Archie Griffin should just give his second Heisman to Tebow. At the least, Griffin could have tackled Billy Sims when he was screaming "Boomer." I would have awarded Archie a Heisman just for taking out Sims.


Upstate Underdog said...

for anyone interested I set up a college bowl pick'em group over at yahoo.

The group id # is: 6204
password: bowls


J Beanie said...

Billy Sims needs to have his own TV show. Remember that show, I think it was on MTV, I think it was called Boiling Point, where someone tried to annoying someone else but the longer they ignored them the more money they got? Sims could go around to different functions, like weddings, birthday parties, retirement dinners, Christmas mornings with a young family, funerals, etc. and just start yelling BOOMER! That's something I'd watch for sure.

Mr. Ace said...

How does Tebow get the most first place votes and lose? Nice job Colt, you fag. Did everybody else really think Colt was the 2nd best player over Tebow? Because of sympathy voters Tebow got screwed.