Monday, November 24, 2008
I need a moment here to say something. I absolutely have to verbally fellate 50+ dudes before we can even get started (let's call it my Peter King impression). With that being said, the New York Giants are really fucking good. That team has NO weakness. And this pains me to say this considering that I root for them to lose every single week. But it needs to be said and whatever I say still doesn't do it justice. The Giants are BY FAR the best team in the league. I am not being sarcastic either. If I had an MVP vote, which God knowing I should, I would vote for the entire Giants roster other than Eli Retard. How many other teams could lose their two best offensive players, play a division winner on the road, and STILL dominate the entire game? No one. Barring a complete meltdown, you are looking at your Super Bowl champions. They WILL repeat. The only team that could potentially push them in their building is Dallas and they may not even get there. So there. I said it. The New York Giants are absolutely amazing.
But now on with the show. Since 24: Redemption managed to totally make up for the shittiness which was season 6 in a mere 2 hours, here are ten people that deserve to meet Jack Bauer. And not a friendly "you're on my side but you'll probably die" visit. I'm talking about an "OPEN THE DAMN GATE!" visit which almost always results in death. The worst of week 12:
10. Ocho Cinco - Jay Glazer reported that he fell asleep in a meeting twice and then walked out on Marvin Lewis. Is there a worse teammate in the world than this guy? At least Chris Henry would hook you up with some teenage ass. We shouldn't judge him so harshly though, after all, he IS a "Future Hall Of Famer"!
9. Ladell Betts - If you hadn't noticed, the Redskins win ugly. Actually, every game that they play is ugly. But in Zorn and Shaun Alexander's (no carries!) return to Seattle, the Skins had the game in the bag with a minute or so left and the 'Hawks with no timeouts. Until asshole Betts fumbled the ball away. Thank God Shawn Springy The Springfield Springs finally played this season and bailed him out. Fuck Betts, that guy sucks ass. 5 carries for 7 yards and a touchdown...ugh.
8. Frank Gore - I feel bad for Franky. No one deserves to play in Mike Martz's offense. Isn't it odd that Martz always digs up some weirdo white slot WR and makes them a decent fantasy player? Oh yeah, back to Gore. I hope you saved another 30 yard game for when the Skins come out to SF in a few weeks.
7. Trent Green - Marc Bulger is trying to make up for lost time and wants to beat Green for most concussions in St. Louis history. Green launched an astounding 4 picks in yet another loss for the Rams. I find no further reason to discuss the Rams for the rest of the season.
6. The DEEEEtroit Lions - I was getting nervous. When the Lions got up 17-0 at home to a team with a really shitty offense, I thought that it was going to be their week. But then I waited a half an hour and the world was restored as they were losing again. I can't wait for a pissed off Tennessee team to slaughter them on Thursday afternoon.
5. Mike Shanahan (The HERM! Edwards Memorial Spot) - I was starting to get impressed with the Broncos. After some gutty road wins in Cleveland and Atlanta, it started to feel like the AFC West would at least have one team over .500 this year. How do you lose to the Raiders AT HOME by THREE TOUCHDOWNS? The Raiders would finish last in the Pac-10 yet are good enough to beat a team that will be hosting a playoff game this year. What a joke.
4. HERM! Edwards - Poor HERM!. He's about 5 weeks from never getting another head coaching job in the league again and yesterday he watched his team give up a franchise worst 54 points to the Bills. Those same Bills that couldn't even beat the Browns on Monday. The same Bills that have Trent Edwards throwing to the other team on every play.
3. LarDale White - 1 carry for -1 yard? Pathetic. I guess that you shouldn't expect much from someone who rehydrates with ham gravy. Let's talk about the Titans quickly. Yes, it is finally over. They weren't going unbeaten anyway. Many idiots will now come out and talk about how they aren't that good. Don't be naive. That is a damn good football team and physical teams tend to be punish finesse teams in January. I'm not writing them off yet and neither should you.
2. Brady Quinn/Derek Anderson - Absolutely hilarious performances by both of these bags of awful. I picked this upset correctly on Friday if you remember. They combined for 4 picks and NO touchdowns against a rotten Texans team. Well played. Browns fans should have taken a queue from Notre Dame fans and just started throwing snowballs at their own players. But instead of throwing snowballs, they should have shot the team with assault rifles. Braylon Edwards is a horrific sight to be seen. For those of you that only get to see the Browns when they are on primetime, you are really missing quite a show of shit.
1. Donovan McNabb - Back to back weeks in the one spot for Donovan! Congrats! I also watched this one, too. I might as well say it again in case Andy "Mr. Ace" Reid is reading today...DONOVAN MCNABB IS TERRIBLE. He should never see the field again. Period. The Eagles are done. Damn, that sounds good. But don't worry, Kevin Kolb is coming to the rescue! HA! That guy fucking blows, too. I would rather have Ken Dorsey. I would rather Koy Detmer...oh wait.
OK, I'm out. The rest of the week will go as follows: tomorrow I want to rank my favorite Seinfeld episodes because I'm getting into the show again and I've already done the research (and maybe another quick post). Wednesday, we will be revisiting the college football predictions from guest post week to see who did the best and has bragging rights at The Money Shot's Holiday Party (non-existent, but if it was it would just be sharing a 6 pack of Miller High Life in my garage while I brag about how comfortable my sweatpants are). I'm heading to Dayton tonight to watch the RedHawks battle Wright State in hoops. First live game of the year for me...can't wait. Back tomorrow.