Monday, November 17, 2008
Fucking shit. God dammit. Sonofabitch motherfucker tits cunt Dane Cook. I fucking hate losing to the Cowboys. Wade Phillips looking like he actually did something positive. Jerr-ah Jones acting like a fucking asshole. Tony Romo flashing that retard smile of his. I HATE IT. FUCK! Is Jim Zorn even trying to score or does he just like punting on every possession? They don't even TRY to throw the ball downfield. And don't get me started on the defensive front 4. I'm still waiting for them to actually pressure the QB. At this point of the season, I don't see how the Redskins make the playoffs. Zorn has hit a wall and they look beaten up. Fuck this shit. God damn Cowboys. It's a good thing that I did the top ten worst of the week before last night's game or I would just scrap it entirely. Here are the worst fuckers of the week that have nothing to do with the ineptitude of the Redskins.
10. College Football - At the bar that I was at on Saturday night, they have 8 TV's. 6 had the Cavs/Jazz game on (7 in a row! We SICK!), 1 had the Jackets game on, and the other one had the Okie State/Colorado game. That is how fucking terrible college football was this weekend. No upsets worth a shit. No good games. It was abysmal. But it will get better next weekend. No, not because of the Ohio State/Michigan game of nothingness, but because of the Oklahoma/TT game. I will likely be blacked out before the kickoff of that one.
9. Matt Ryan - These games are going to happen to rookie QB's. Sometimes, when you are facing the worst defense in the league, you just can't throw any touchdown passes. It happens. I mean, sure, Brady Quinn had no trouble carving them up, but Matty Ice did. Embarassing for him, great for me who faced Ice in two leagues yesterday.
8. Philip Rivers - I just realized that of the ten previous "worst of" columns that I've written, the Slave Trader had yet to appear. Well, we have to change that. He didn't really play poorly in yesterday's 11-10 suckfest, but I'm putting him on here because I want to. Fuck you, Philly Boy.
7. Darren McFadden - 2 carries for 1 yard. Wow. This is the kind of production that the #4 pick is supposed to get! Seriously, if this is all that the guy can do, just put him on IR and get healthy for next season.
6. Larry Johnson - You know what they say, "people that are assholes in real life, suck on the football field." Well, I say that and I'm copyrighting that shit. 19 carries for 67 yards and 2 fumbles. Yeah, the Chiefs really missed you, jerk. Why don't you spit in your own face.
5. Jim Haslett (The HERM! Edwards memorial Spot) - I am amazed at the way teams can lose. I mean, seriously, coaching a team that gets down 35-3 in the first half to THE NINERS is just awful. I hope that Haslett puts his house on the market soon, because his tenure in St. Louis ends at Christmas. Merry Christmas, kids, Daddy got shitcanned again for being incompetent!!!
4. Willis McGahee - I don't understand how the Ravens are 6-4. Every time that I watch them, they suck ass. Flacco is mediocre. The defense can be thrown on at will. And Willis McGahee blows. 9 carries for 18 yards. Those are Julius Jones numbers! The Ravens suck.
3. David Garrard - I've finally hopped off of the Jags/Garrard bandwagon. I was holding out hope that they would show up and beat the Titans this week, but they sucked as hard as they have all season. Garrard, late in the 4th, had less than 100 yards passing and 9 completions. Nice game, jerk.
2. Every Chicago Bear - What a wonderful performance! Are we sure that Tennessee called Lovie Smith about being the next Vols coach? The Bears "effort" yesterday may be the worst non-Lions or Raiders played game of the season. EVERYONE on that team sucked. No one is excluded...not even the great Kyle Orton Express.
1. Donovan McNabb - I am so sick and tired of media assholes talking about how great of a QB McNabb is. He isn't. In fact, he sucks. He's not average or pretty good...he sucks. And he has for the past 3 seasons. Yesterday's TIE with the BENGALS was just an abomination. He fumbled once and threw three picks (which should have been 6 picks) and completed less than 50 percent of his passes. Against the Bengals. The Cincinnati Bengals. Did you hear his postgame intreview? He said that he had no idea that an NFL game could end in a tie and that he hopes it doesn't happen in the Super Bowl! What a fucking dumbass! The Eagles deserve a better QB than McNabb (head coach, too). Mr. Ace must be beating the shit out of his male sex slave over that horrendous loss (tying the Bengals actually counts as a loss).
The Redskins need to stop playing night games on national TV because all it does is embarrass me, makes me miss a lot of TV, and cause me not to fall asleep. I hate football.