Friday, November 07, 2008

Ken Small Rapes Beagles

It's Friday, it's been a long week, I've been up to late thinking about how great it is to have freedom and a country that cares about me again, and we all know that I'm going to mail-in this post anyway. So instead of talking about tits or the NBA, I want to go back to one of my old faithful topics: ripping on Ohio State football. It's been awhile since the Buckeyes have embarrassed themselves off the field(the Doug Worthington DUI arrest that he was never suspended for comes to mind). But that has changed now. Little used WR and KR, Ray Small, has been suspended for two games due to a violation of team rules. And his pops ain't too happy about that. So, Ken Small (pictured holding his son if they were white people) took a page out of Vince Young's mom's handbook and started yapping to the media.

But Ken Small, Ray's father, said yesterday it (suspension) is for two games, and the reason is because OSU said his son missed a class, which Ken denies. He said the coaching staff is singling out his son unnecessarily."We don't think he's getting a fair shake, and we don't know why," he said. "It seems they're trying to intentionally ruin his career."

I have two issues with this and they are not related at all:
1. Ken, your son pays nothing to go to a school of higher learning. It's free. He has to abide by three rules to keep that intact: go to class, don't get arrested, and play football. That's it. That is all that he has to do. As Mr. Ace will point out when he gets done cleaning himself up, it's not like football players have to do their homework anyway. Someone will always do it for them if they aren't willing to do it themselves (it's worked at Florida State for years!). Just put in the face time in the classroom, and you're good to go. As far as singling out young Roy, IF HE WAS WORTH A FUCK ON THE FIELD, THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN SWEPT UNDER THE RUG! Tressel will forget about DUI's that his starters get. He balances that out by punishing his shit players when they fuck up. He isn't being hard on your son, he's just doing what all coaches do: protecting the guys who help them win. Jesus, between Small and Justin Boren, is Ohio State actually trying to be the gayest bunch of pussies in the nation or what?

2. My biggest pet peeve for when I'm watching a college football game is when the announcer mentions something like "he's only thrown 6 interceptions in his career". You all probably don't even realize it anymore because it's said so often that it is just part of the lexicon of the sport. COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS NOT A CAREER!!! I can't stress this enough and it's a product of lazy journalism. Sports writing is a career. Getting up at noon, going to two classes, eating a 2,000 calorie lunch, practicing for 3 hours, eating a 3,000 calorie dinner, studying a little bit, and ending the night with a BJ is not a career. It should be, but it isn't. Stop it. Stop it now. But I guess you never know in this case. Ken Small says that Tressel is ruining his son's career...and that snake oil salesman has been rumored to pay people off in the past. Nope, I just can't allow it. College football is not a career path. I need a Xanex. I'm too worked up for a Friday.

So I guess I can sum this post up by saying: Ken Small sucks, Roy Small sucks, blogging is a career; not college football, and I hope that Ohio State loses to Northwestern tomorrow. Also, I accidentally purchased an extra copy of Drew Magary's (Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber) book, "Men With Balls". I'm thinking about giving it away (oral preferred over nothing though). Let me know if you're interested. How dumb does a person have to be to accidentally by two identical books. I'm still trying to figure that out.


Anonymous said...

Ken Small is a moron. Small has been in Tressel's dog house all three years he's been here. They have changed his number to try and motivate him, they have benched him to try and motivate him and he is the only player on the team that does not have a biography in the media guide to try and motivate him. Instead he's had three years of being late to and missing classes. The best part is when Ken Small told the media that he was encouraging Ray to fake an injury earlier this year to get a medical red-shirt and then transfer. Now, that's some good solid parenting!

The said part is that if Ray wasn't such a moron he would probably have been a first round draft pick. Coming out of high school Ginn's Dad said that he thought Ray was a better athlete than Teddy. Now, he's probably going to leave OSU without a degree/undrafted and will be trading shifts at Exxon with his Dad.


Mr. Ace said...

Excuse my typing, my keyboard is still sticky.

A first round pick, are you high? Based on what Ginn sr. Said about him and nothing else? Your ranking coming out of high school has absolutely nothing to do with being a pro. If you can't play in college, then you can't make it in the NFL whether you are a 5 star or a 2 star. If he would have been a first round pick that would have been a bigger joke than when Ginn was a top 10 pick, and that was hilarious.

Go Wildcats!

Hey G$, I am looking at the sagarin mens college hoops ratings and your redfucks are ranked 88th. Can they really live up to that rating?

Upstate Underdog said...

G$, why not just return the extra copy of the book?

Dustin said...

Ace- then why do you and other UM fans blow your load to rivals recruiting rankings? I remember you saying: rich rod won with 2 star talent at WVU, imagine what hell do at UM with 4 and 5 star talent! Fuck you!!!

Dustin said...

And Brady Quinn should have been starting from the beginning

GMoney said...

Ace, yes, they should be good. The only guy they lost was Ottawa's own, Tim Pollitz. Now if you don't mind, Keith Triplett is here to empty my garbage can.

UU, I don't know, it seems like it would be too much work. Don't tell me how to live my life.

Dustin, why? To ensure an 0-16 season?

If anyone would like the book, I may even autograph it first eventhough it isn't mine. That should sweeten the pot a bit!

Mr. Ace said...

Dustin, you imcompetent fool, you are completely missing the point. I am saying that a 5 star rating does not mean that you will be a first round pick, referring to what Drew had to say about Ray ray. I am not talking about college. It is obvious that there is a strong, positive correlation between the talent of your recruiting class and how good the football team is. That's why the teams with top 10 recruiting classes every year generally will have a top 10 team. So stop making retarded points about nothing, please.

Go Broncos!

Anonymous said...

Yes, he could have been a first round pick. Nobody on the team has his initial burst. It's the burst that Santonio had. He's just a moron and can't come even close to putting it together.

Go back to your awesome 2-7 season.


Dustin said...

Hey ace, there is also a correlation between success in college and going to the NFL. Its the same damn thing. Blow me.

Mr. Ace said...

Physical talent is only half of the equation, probably less than half, when you are talking about being a profesional football player.

Dut, ur gay. Just because u r a 5 star recruit doesn't mean u r an nfl player. If a college team can get 10 5 star recruits, odds are the majority of them will turn out to be good if not great players. But that still leaves a large percentage of 5 star recruits that don't pan out.

So no, ray ray could not have been a first round pick. Obviously. That's like saying ryan leaf could have been a hall of famer if he wasn't a total douche. Or mike deandrea, or however u spell his name, should have been a first round pick because he had all the physical tools but made katzenmoyer look like scholar. So fuck off, both of you.

Mr. Ace said...

Hahahahahahaha. The redskins signed deangelo hall!!! You guys are really making some progress with your in season pickups.... Sean Alexander and Hall are sure to make your team better.

Two terrible teammates and even worse players. I smell desperation...

GMoney said...

We'll see about Hall. He's got to be better than Smoot. It costs them nothing (just like Alexander) and there's decent upside.

Or he could kill the good chemistry that the team has.