Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away a dream of you
But nothing else could ever take you away
'Cause you'll always be my dream come true
It's a sad day here at The Money Shot. For two of my favorites, Jason Giambi and Carl Pavano, will not be returning to the New York Yankees in 2009. I've been trying to wrap my head around this for the past day and the only way that I can truly express my feelings of remorse and devastation is through the lyrics of Skid Row.
Wait a minute--what the fuck am I saying? Hells-fucking-yes these guys are gone! Maybe now, I don't know, the Yankees will stop wasting money on used tampons? That's all that I ask for: a competitive and responsible organization. But before I officially show Carl and Jason the door, I would like to share with you my fondest memories of these two titans of terrible.
I paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew you were there for me
Time after time you were there for me
Jason Giambi - Your mustache and hairlip truly were an inspiration during your mediocre years in The Bronx. You started out your run with the Bombers with a memorable walk-off, extra innings grand slam against the Twins and it all went downhill from there. Your steroids "apology"? Brilliant. Horrific defense? Outstanding. Inability to hit the ball to the oppostie field? Downright sexy. Weirdo illnesses that normal people don't get? A bit erotic. While you do seem like a great teammate and all-around nice guy, it's time for you to get the fuck out.
We've had our share of hard times
But that's the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you'll never be lonely
Carl Pavano - Oh, what a 4 year stretch this was. I don't know what I will remember more: almost 40 million dollars spent for 145.2 innings, his 9 wins, his 8 losses, or his 75 strikeouts. Maybe I can cling to all of his bizarre injuries like a strained buttocks or breaking his ribs in a car accident and lying about it. At least he plowed Alyssa Milano...so he has that going for him. Carl, I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors (Independent Baseball League?). Good riddance.
It's time to turn the page on shoddy, wasteful spending for the New York Yankees. That these two are finally gone shows that the Yankees are recommitmed to excellence. That is until Hank Steinbrenner does something so unfathomably stupid and shakes my confidence in this team. Let's get the hot stove going. I can't wait.
Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you