Thursday, November 06, 2008

The Debut of the NFL's Heartbreak Kid

Brady Quinn makes his NFL debut as a starting QB tonight. His rabid band of fans are literally bursting their zippers waiting for the Browns to take the field and see what Quinn has got to offer and hopefully save their season. In honor of this historic(?) event, I was able to get my creative juices flowing. In fact, I just rewrote the lyrics of Shawn Michaels entrance music, "Sexy Boy". I really should have been a songwriter. I would be like a straight and talented version of Weird Al.

I think I'm cute.
Crennel knows I'm sexy.
I've got the arms,
That drive the Dawg Pound wild
I endorsed McCain,
killed Conrad Bain.
I send chills up.
Up Grady Sizemore's spine.

I'm a game manager, manager
I'm not your savior, savior
I'm a game manager, manager
I'm not your savior, savior

I make 'em hot.
Making D.A. shiver.
Their pants get tight,
Whenever I'm around.
They see me flex,
drink Myoplex,
I make my fans feel,
Like they're on cloud sixty-nine

I'm a game manager, manager
I'm not your savior, savior
I'm a game manager, manager
I'm not your savior, savior

Eat your heart out fun-boys
Hands off my Subway Fresh Fit Card

I think that that pretty much sums it up. He prefers the company of men. The Browns suck. Quinn isn't going to save shit. His fans are gay. Personally, how awesome would it be if Quinn got the Browns the lead tonight with 2 minutes to play but Jay Cutler went 90 yards to win the game? It would be like those old, glorious days when the Browns fans had their hopes crushed every season. Ah, memories of simpler and better times...


J Beanie said...

How can you not have a crush on a man who looks like that?

Mr. Ace said...

hahahaha, this is your best work yet. I won't say a word about the redskins for two weeks because of this. Gotta love some HBK.

You should copyright this.

GMoney said...

Honestly, my favorite part was the random inclusion of Mr. Drummond from Diff'rent Strokes. Speaking of that, why did they spell "Diff'rent" like that in the title? Did they run out of e's? Likely not since they used two more in the title. I'm guessing that it had something to do with being racist.

Where was I? Oh yeah, can someone get me a myoplex and a latex fist?

Anonymous said...

Really and as I have not guessed earlier

Anonymous said...

Always put your best foot forward. (Capitalize on your strengths).