Kilmer On Koaching

The coaching world, in both the professional and collegiate ranks, has been shaken up over the past few weeks. The incompetent have been replaced by the interims. In fact, this blog can't even keep up with all the firings around the sport. Luckily, I brought in former West Canaan High School coach, Bud Kilmer, in today to discuss the current coaching landscape.

G$: Coach, I want to thank you for joining me today. Which situation would you like to talk about first?
Bud: Listen kid. I can screw up your Brown scholarship, just like that! I have access to your transcript. I can do anything I want to here. You play my game my way, or you're dead for college.

G$: First of all, I graduated from college 5 years ago. Second, you can absolutely not do anything that you want to here, this blog has been Communist for awhile now. But I will play your game. Let's start with Tommy Bowden's departure from Clemson. The guy had a knack for not living up to expectations and not getting the most out of his players. I felt that his "resigning" was justified, you?
Bud: It makes me wonder if you know the difference between a sneeze and a wet fart.

G$: I do, actually, because I just accomplished both. Anyway, let's shift our focus to the NFL and the whole Scott Linehan sucks/gets fired/Haslett hired/Rams win two in a row conundrum. It appears that Linehan was just in way over his head. He tried his best, but he just wasn't ready to be a head coach in the NFL. If you could talk to his children, what would you say to them?
Bud: Your daddy was a no-talent pussy, but at least he listened!

G$: How sweet. It seems as though you are very good with kids. Anyway, did you get a chance to follow the Al Davis/Lane Kiffin saga? That was kind of a wild scene, don't you think?
Bud: When did the damn circus come to town. I didn't see no damn trucks.

G$: Ah, so you did see it. Man, that Al Davis looks horrible. Ain't no way that he won 23 district championships. Besides old age, bad fashion sense, and senility, what has been Al's biggest downfall as an owner?
Bud: Never show weakness, the only pain that matters is the pain you inflict.

G$: Got it. I assume that you want Davis to go on a shooting spree. In other news around the Bay area, the 49ers dumped Mike Nolan on Tuesday. Nolan was criticized constantly for his poor decision-making. To me, his main mistake was bringing in Mike Martz. How would you have done things differently if you were in Nolan's shoes?
Bud: Stick to the basics, stick to the basics, stick to the basics. We're a running team. You only call what I tell you to call.

G$: I hear you. They've got a great RB in Frank Gore but they've fallen in love with passing. But let's head South to your neck of the woods. I get the feeling that we are one loss away from seeing the Wade Phillips Era end in Big D. Is it really Wade's fault though?
Bud: The hard work of so many, sacrificed by the disrespect of few.

G$: How philosophical of you. If you were running the show in Dallas, would you start Tony Romo even with his broken pinkie finger?
Bud: Can he play? Can he play?

G$: That's what I was asking you, coach. Jesus, are you even listening to a word that I'm saying?
Bud: Cry me a river, you fat fucking baby!

G$: Well, that was uncalled for. I guess we should wrap this up since you are behaving like an asshole. Thanks, I guess, for agreeing to do this, Coach Kilmer.
Bud: You got to be the dumbest smart kid I know.
G$: Fuck you, Bud. Long live Moxon. He still doesn't want..................................your life.