Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories, that aren't "full topic worthy", in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.
This week, the "Sometimes it's just fun to revel in someone else's pain" Edition. Allow me to happily explain that.
***It's armageddon in Big D; someone notify Ed Werder, post haste! - As a guy that is eating up the turmoil coming out of Dallas, I am loving this. In the past 36 hours or so, Tony Romo has been ruled out for a month, same with Felix Jones, their really good punter is out for the season, and Jerry Jones completely fucked up by trading for Roy Williams. Now they have two worthless Roy Williams' on the team. Well done. Let's address these separately. I have to admit, when I found out that Romo was going to miss 3 games, I was a bit giddy. Not because I root for guys to get hurt (I really don't, well, except for Papelbon), but because Brad Johnson is completely terrible and Cowboys fans deserve to have to watch him not be able to throw a 10 yard out. Felix's hamstring is a killer, too. They lose their kick returner and change of pace back and the kid made plays all over the field. Every time I watched the Boys, McBriar averaged about 50 yards per punt. Good luck digging up Sean Landeta or Reggie Roby. And of course the overreaction of the trade for a guy that the Lions didn't even want anymore...wow, talk about stupid. The Cowboys have holes on the o-line, secondary, and backfield yet they trade for a crybaby WR and overpay for him as well. The Cowboys are a sinking ship right now. This is NOT a Super Bowl contending team. I would not be surprised if they lost their next 3 games (@STL, TB, @NYG) and miss the playoffs. And I haven't even mentioned...
***You were warned, asshole - Pacman Jones. He's been suspended for at least 4 games for drunk-fighting his security guard. I applaud Roger Goodell for this. He allowed this criminal to return to the game but gave him a zero tolerance policy. And like we all expected, he fucked that up even quicker than I thought he would. Look, Pacman Jones is a loser. He always has been and he always will be. Do I hope that he can turn his life around? Of course, because that is a humane thing to do. But he should be done with the NFL forever. Out. Gone for good. Pac was given a 20th chance and he blew it. It's time to say goodbye. And good for you, Jerry Jones. Maybe stacking your team with horrible character guys and hoping that they've learned their lesson isn't such a good idea? This is a football team, not a fantasy football team. Jerry used to do things the right way (building through the draft and with character guys), now he appears to be turning into some sort of hybrid Steinbrenner. I hope he dies of rectal AIDS. Wait, that's not nice. I hope he dies from two much of his head eaten by a lion (Matt Millen perhaps?).
***Do I really have to root for my fantasy kyptonite now? - Last year, I drafted Shaun Alexander in the first round of my fantasy draft. I had to give every member of my league a rusty trombone just to take him off my hands. Needless to say, I HATE Alexander. But lo and behold, my Redskins signed him yesterday. Sigh. I don't know what to think about this. I can't possibly root for this shithead, can I? Ladizzle Betts is on the shelf for a few weeks and the team is trying to justify this by saying that Zorn knows how to use him, but come on. Well, you know what, I'm starting to see why they did this now. Since the Browns are coming to DC this week for an ass-kicking, they want to rub it in as badly as possible. Not only will the Skins win by two touchdowns, they want to say to "Believeland", not only are we better than you, even Shaun Alexander is better than you. Boy, that will be an awesome slap in the face. One thing is for sure, Shaun Rogers won't be the slowest and fattest guy on the field this Sunday.
***Call me John Kerry because I'm flip-flopping - Last Wednesday, I predicted that the Dodgers and Red Sux would be playing in the World Series. As I write this at 9 pm on Tuesday night, the Rays are up 5-0 in game 4 and the Phillies will win one of the next 3 against Joe Torre. It's time to start realizing that the World Series will be played in Tampa and Philadelphia. What do we think about this? It should be a competitive series but no casual fan will be tuning in. Ryan Howard will be the most known player and that's only because he does Subway commercials. The ratings will be awful. I really think that this is the Phillies title to lose though. They just seem to be firing on all cylinders right now. Even someone as awesome as Matt Stairs is cranking 800 foot home runs. The important thing about this is that the Red Sox are likely going to go home losers this year. And that feels really good. Almost as good as waking up in the morning to find out that Jerry Jones was kidnapped by pirates and was sodomized by The Goonies.
***The only person more deserving to be "fired" is his dad - Tommy Bowden finally did the right thing and stopped coaching at Clemson. I hate it when a guy steps down when everyone knows that he was fired. Just admit that you were fired! Man, I'm sure he's a nice guy and all but that guy just can't put it together. This was supposed to be the year that they challenged for a BCS title yet they fucked that up big time. It's like Mike Scioscia against the Red Sox. No matter what he did, he never could get his team over the hump. Except that with Bowden, his Red Sox was the crappy ACC. So I guess it's not like that at all. If I'm Clemson, I go balls deep to try and get Brian Kelly to leave Cincinnati. The guy is a first class asshole, but he can coach. Or Jim Grobe, either one would be a huge upgrade. I think we might be a few months away from having college football be "Bowden-free". Speaking of which, whatever happened to Terry Bowden? Is he riding around on the Ship of Lost Souls (mandatory Simpsons reference of the day)?
***It's time to tell you why The Office sucks - I've taken a few shots at The Office recently and today I'm laying it all on the line. The Office is a crappy show. If you think differently, I bet that you also watch The Hills because you don't know TV. First of all, Michael Scott is the worst character on TV. He's not funny. He's so over the top that I can't even chuckle at his stupid antics anymore. I work in a big office with a lot of idiots and let me tell you, NO ONE acts like that. The Jim and Pam saga...who gives a fuck? That entire story has run it's course. They've completely turned Dwight into a vile shithead as well. Gone are the days where he was a humorous and anal-rententive office cop; enter the days where he is a secretive douche that is sleeping with his co-worker's fiance. How am I supposed to like someone that pulls crap like that? They don't even let Creed, Stanley, Darrell, or Kevin talk anymore when those 4 are clearly the only funny people in that office. Instead, we are beaten over the head with the return of d-bag Ryan, relationships forming, and the new human resources chick that is just a giant nerd. The show has no direction and is just stuck wading in unfunny territory. It has morphed from a non-stop 30 minute hilarious premise to an often times 60 minutes of uncomfortable relationship humor. Or as I like to call it, Everybody Loves Raymond in an office setting. Get your shit together, people that write for this show. Your act is stale and unfunny (like this blog!). We need 30 Rock back.
Rant over. OK, I have to get something off of my chest before we go for the day. I've come to realize that my "writing" has been overtly negative recently. I don't like it. It's spilling over into my regular life and it feels like I'm constantly pissed off. This blog has been effecting my own demeanor in a negative way and that was the exact opposite of why I started this. Right now, I'm not having much fun. Don't get me wrong, we're not going anywhere and I'm not quitting, but I just need to refocus myself a little bit and get back to having some fun and not always gear toward the ills of society. So, at least for the rest of the week, I'm going to write positive things here. And I'm toiling with the idea of maybe bringing in some new blood. --a hopefully kinder and gentler G$