The Exact Opposite Of The A-Team

Does anyone out there remember The A-Team? It was on in the 80's and featured the delightful acting skills of Mr. T. and George Pappard. The A-Team was a group of, I think, 4 misfit soldiers that took on bad guys once a week, rode around in a black van, and, while always shooting at people, never actually hit anyone. My memory is a little fuzzy on this, but I think I remember the general premise of the decades-old show. And as you can tell, it was awesome. Family Guy actually did a pleasant spoof of The A-Team last season.

Well, this coming Sunday afternoon in Dallas, the anti-A-Team will take center stage in Texas Stadium. While TV's A-Team was a group of do-gooders trying to right the wrongs of society; the NFL's polar opposite has spent their lives as do-badders trying to wrong the rights of society. Allow me to explain by introducing you to four of the NFL's finest who could all be on the field at the same time on Sunday and they will affectionately be known by this blog as, The Anti-A-Team:



Cedric Benson
Expertise - Transportation. The guy can drive just about anything and is even better while intoxicated and/or stoned.



Chris Henry
Expertise - Ladies Man. No one pulls more underage hooch than Henry. And he's got the rap sheet to prove it. Are you 12 years old and would like a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20? Don't be afraid to ask Chris.



Tank Johnson
Expertise - Security. Tank collects assault weaponry like a nerdy teenager collects stamps. I wouldn't be shocked to find out that Johnson has nuclear weapons in his house.



Adam "Pacman" Jones
Expertise - The Bankroll. No one on this planet has more $1 bills than Pac. If you are ever short on cash, Pac is like an ATM.

While the original A-Team fought criminals while rolling in a crappy van, I like to think that the new and much worse version listed above would commit numerous felonies in either a white Ford Bronco or the car that Rae Carruth hid in while trying to evade the law. Makes sense, right?

Collectively, the anti-A-Team has spent more time in the commissioner's office than Roger Goodell himself. If you have any moral compass at all (and reading this site tells me that you probably don't), you should try to avoid the Bengals/Cowboys game this weekend. It's the right thing to do. Ignore these guys. As Paul Anka once sang, "Just Don't Look, Just Don't Look". Maybe these guys will just go away if we stop paying attention to them.

These four jerks in the same building at the same time is not going to be good for anybody. Somebody is going to get hurt. May God have mercy on us all. The football apocalypse is finally upon us.