Monday, September 29, 2008
I told you. I fucking told all of you. You laughed at me on Friday. You think that I'm just some dumb homer that knows nothing about football. I picked the Skins to win by 2 points. And it fucking happened. Let me just say that the Washington Redskins are a REAL threat to win the NFC this season. Jason Campbell looks amazing after that week one showing. Clinton Portis is a beast. And someone reminded Santana Moss that he has all the ability to be a dominant WR in the NFL. I FUCKING LOVE THIS. This is the best birthday (tomorrow) present that I could ever ask for. I hate the Cowboys and listening to Troy Aikman have to heap praise on us was glorious. But, I have a column to write regarding shitty play. So I need to take my focus off of the Redskins and all of their greatness for awhile. Needless to say, we're VERY QB heavy as far as the week's worst goes...
10. Commenter Dustin/Dut - Before we really get going, this tale is almost too good to be true. So Saturday night, we're all out at the Bier Stube on OSU's campus. A white Sebring/Stratus pulls into the parking lot. There are a lot of broads in that ride. It just so happens to be driven by a Mr. Terrelle Pryor! He was looking for directions somewhere or something. Dustin sticks his head into Pryor's driver-side window to get a look at the "talent" that the QB was driving around. Pryor's reply? "Man, get the fuck out of my face!" HILARIOUS! I think I might like Pryor after all.
9. Brian Griese - Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Bucs won an ugly ass game. But, the "3 picks" Griese is much more acceptable than "400 yards passing" Griese. On a serious note, good job, Matt Bryant.
8. Ryan Fitzpatrick/Carson Palmer - Palmer is a pussy. There is a reason why Fitzpatrick is a backup and he proved for 60 minutes why he probably shouldn't be in the league. The Bengals offense is absolutely horrendous no matter who is taking snaps. And it took 3.5 games, but that was more like it, Derek Anderson.
7. Cardinals Defense - 6 touchdown passes allowed to Brett Favre in the rain? Wow. The NFC West is absolutely horrible. 6 TD's to Brett Favre??? Oh, don't worry, these aren't the last Cardinals on the list this week.
6. JT O'Sullivan - Hey, JT, the Saints have one of the worst defenses in the league. Only scoring one TD shows just how awful you are. Bring back, Alex Smith. Wait, he's hurt...bring back...Ken Dorsey? He's not doing anything. Mike Martz blows.
5. Scott Linehan (The HERM! Edwards Memorial Spot) - I hope Linehan enjoyed his reign as a head football coach as it should now be over. God, the Rams are awful. At least Steven Jackson finally got off the schnide. As Happy Gilmore once meant to say, "Marc Bulger? Trent Green? Who gives a shit?"
4. Aaron Rodgers - That's TWO bad performances in a row from Favre Junior. 3 picks and absolutely no rhythm on offense all game. His TD's were kind of flukey, he was just bad yesterday. And Ryan Grant is kinda/sorta not a very good RB.
3. Jay Cutler - Hey, give it up for HERM! And give it down to Cutler and Shanahan. You know how I know that the Broncos aren't for real? Because there is no excuse for losing to the Chiefs...EVER. Cutler just looks retarded anyway. The Chargers are still going to win that division. If you can't beat HERM! Edwards, well, I look forward to watching your collapse this year.
2. Marion Barber - I don't know how this is possible because he is a very good RB, but Barber does NOTHING against the Redskins. NOTHING. 8 carries for 26 yards and I don't even remember a running play in the second half. Yeah, you can run over all the scrubs you want to, but when you face REAL competition, you are a nobody. Get a fucking haircut asshole. You could also add Terence Newman to this list because he couldn't cover me. If embarrassing the Cowboys was a 450 pound woman, I would totally hammer the hell out of it. Wait, what did I just admit to?
1. Kurt Warner - The guy threw for almost 500 yards...bravo. He also turned the ball over SIX times. 3 picks and 3 lost fumbles. But this is what you get from Warner. He's going to do those things. But he still needs to be called out on it when it happens. Just awful. I'm sure that his wife will call into some radio station tomorrow defending him though. So that's nice.
Whew, it's a great feeling to deflate the Cowboys. I would recommend it to anybody. Feel free the congratulate my awesome team in the comments. I'm also booking my Super Bowl travel plans now due to my gigantic Jim Zorn Boner. Let me know if you want to come with me...I'm sure I could round up a hog nose or two for you. Hail to the Redskins...beat Philly.