Friday, September 19, 2008
I took a lot of heat yesterday for my unpopular opinions. That's fine. I can take it. No matter how you feel about my thoughts regarding college football, you are still coming back here again. Needless to say, I win. I figured though, to send you into the weekend with a chuckle, I would talk to you about something near and dear to my heart.
You see, this weekend marks the final games to ever be played in Yankee Stadium. Be prepared to get bludgeoned with this story over the next three days. In my numerous treks from Ohio to New York to catch games in the cathedral, I've had mostly good yet a few bad memories. Ironically, my final rememberance of the stadium will not be when I got to see Mariano Rivera run to the mound while Metallica jams and then strike out the side in the 9th this past summer. Oh no. My last memory of Yankee Stadium is something that I wasn't even there to see.
So my dad calls me yesterday afternoon saying that he's in New York and he's going to the games last night and today (PAVANO!). I wanted to tell him that I stopped paying attention to the Yankees 3 weeks ago but I acted like I cared anyway. That's what good sons do.
I get home and turn on the WGN broadcast because, after all, it's still a few hours before Kitchen Nightmares and It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia come on. I've got to do something. I'm drifting in and out of consciousness until I catch this gem of a conversation between the White Sox announcers:
Hawk Harrelson - You know I'm a big Dora The Explorer fan.
Darrin Jackson - I don't like the way she dresses.
I'm dead serious. This passed as appropriate baseball conversation in the first inning. Anyway, the Sox score 1 in the first and Abreu hits a 2 run jack in the bottom. It's 2-1 in the bottom of the 3rd still when something bizarre happens...
Bobby Abreu goes deep again. As strange as it sounds for that tub of goo to go deep twice in 3 innings, that isn't the strangest part. The WGN cameras zoom in on the ball as it's heading over the fence and---holy shit, THAT'S MY DAD!!!
The ball lands about two rows behind him but dad has always had a sixth sense of embarrassing himself. Somehow he seems to know exactly where the camera is and appears to be looking right into it! All of a sudden, you see him start wildly fist-pumping like he's some sort of cross between Arsenio Hall and Tiger Woods' caddy. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. In real time, it only lasted a moment but it felt like an eternity. In the end, I decided to laugh hysterically. It was just too hilarious.
I immediately pick up the phone, dial him up, and call him a fag on his voicemail. My sister had beaten me to the punch and actually reached him to comment on how retarded he looked. The sis called me to discuss how amazingly awful our family is. It felt like Christmas. And while the camera shot only lasted one second, I have a feeling that it will be discussed at every family function from now until eternity. I can't wait. In ten years, that story will have morphed from a fist pump to "Griffey tried to rob the homer but I ripped his face off and because of this action, I was credited with a home run as well." Man, that was funny though.
As shitty as this season has been, at least I'll have one memory that will always make me laugh. I just wish that I had the knowledge to be able to rip a video of the aforementioned incident. Enjoy the weekend all. Oh, fyi, I'm calling my shot now...the Bengals are going to beat the Giants this week. Mark it down.