Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories, that aren't "full topic worthy", in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.
This week, the "Oh, come on. Just look at the picture and try not to laugh. Fortunately, this blog is overstocked with BORT license plates." Edition.
***Not only is he bad, but he's also quite mad I tells ya - Can someone explain what the Hell is going on with Vince Young? First, rumor has it that he asked not to go back into the game Sunday after throwing his second pick and getting boo'ed. Then he goes missing and Jeff Fisher has to put an APB out on him to make sure he isn't killing Vince Gill or whatever people in Nashville do for fun. I've been reading that VY is having some confidence issues or something. Either way, the guy pretty much sucks as a QB in the NFL. I can't wait until the day comes where he's cruising around Murfreesboro with AK-47's and Grey Goose in his Escalade. The Maurice Clarett approach to life is very much desired. I would do it, but I'm more of a whiskey fan.
***Enough is enough, end the experiment already - I'm done with it. I can't stand it anymore. Tony Kornheiser has got to go from the MNF booth. On the heels of my attack on The Sports Reporters yesterday, I may as well keep my vitriol focused on Bristol. Mr. Tony is terrible. He doesn't know anything about football. He only mentioned Brett Favre about 400 times on Monday even after Tirico and Jaws told him to get over it numerous times. And he even compared Aaron Rodgers to Sarah Palin in what might have been the dumbest comparison ever. Shut the fuck up and go back to DC with Wilbon and Reali. I never thought that there would be a day in which I would say that someone is worse than Dennis Miller, but here we are...and I'm saying that. Don't even get me started about how shitty Mike and Mike and Mike were either. I've seen gay films that did a better job broadcasting football than those 3 (come on, Unnecessary Roughsex is a delightful romp).
***In 2009, The Testicle Strikes Back - Would that make Lance Armstrong the Luke Skywalker of bicycles? The low point in my blogging career happened a few months back when I spent an entire day on Floyd Landis. I hated myself for it and you all hated me even more. Anyway, here comes more cycling talk! One Ball Armstrong is apparently coming back in 2009 to race in the Tour De France again. Yay? My pride in American cycling will once again be restored? Ummm, no. But I can tell you exactly why he's getting back into competitions...he's testing out new undetectable steroids just like he has in the past. Either that or he wants to sell some more weirdo bracelets and bang another Olsen twin. I wouldn't recommend either.
***If he's Screech, the NCAA is Lisa Turtle - I applaud Ben Mauk's tenaciousness when it comes to wanting to keep playing college football, but enough is enough already. How many more times does he need to be told no before he realizes that his lifelong dream of playing a 6th year of college football for the University of Cincinnati (every red-blooded American's dream!) just ain't happ'nin'? Just go away, start your life already. He just looks more and more pathetic with every rejection he receives. He's like Barack Obama trying to get on for a round at Augusta. They don't give a fuck what your title in life is, you ain't teeing off here.
***Charlie Coles likes it when his team gets killed - For those that have been around here long enough, with the exception of the NFL, college basketball is my true passion. I can watch any game at any time. That being said, my RedHawks released their schedule yesterday and, once again, Charlie Coles is going to try and destroy the confidence of his players before the conference season starts up. Allow me to explain: Coaches vs. Cancer tournament against Weber State and, assuming a victory, then UCLA; @ Pitt; @ Xavier; @ Temple; Valpo; @ West Fuckin' Virginia; @ Dayton; and on the road for Bracketbusters game. Wow, what a minefield that is. I don't see many wins there even with our loaded team this year. The most bizarre thing about the schedule though...we play a home and home THIS YEAR with Northwestern St.? That makes about as much sense as Charlie Weis still being employed. Could be a rough start to the season but at least we'll have a good RPI.
***Bravo, Juice...well played, sir - Is there anything better than OJ Simpson? He's the gift that keeps on giving. With his trial coming up for robbing some poor schlub to get his own memorabilia back or something, The Juice's laywers are seeking a racially diverse jury. Do they really think that minorities are just plain retarded? I don't care what color your skin is, if you barge into a hotel room and stick up someone at gun point to get a few autographs back, even the dumbest of Puerto Ricans can figure that one out. And if a Puerto Rican can figure it out, a black guy sure as Hell can. We miss you, Lieutenant Nordberg, please come back to us.
That's enough for today, I suppose. I've got something better than mediocre up my sleeve for tomorrow. Do the words "clown" and "porn" mean anything to you? If they do, than we have the same taste in climax inducers.