Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Giving You What You Want


I'm kind of surprised actually. Out of all of my "daily masterpieces" (thanks, Mr. Ace!), the one that I've gotten the most feedback on is the rant against my co-worker from a few weeks back. Well guess what? I've got a few more blurbs today. By the way, still no power and still no will to live for me. I will once again be sleeping on just a mattress tonight while my comforter builds up a strong collection of mildew. But enough about me, you want to get to know more about the C U Next Tuesday that I work with.

***She's been working here for 8 years, as opposed to my 2 years of service, yet she always asks me questions. I don't know if she is really that stupid or is just hoping to catch me masturbating one of these days, but I can tell you one thing, her pop-in visits are quite unwelcomed. And I'm a beating-off ninja...I will never be defeated.

***She took yesterday morning off because it was her daughter's first day of preschool. Now, all of the kids that I have have long been told to never talk to me and don't come asking for money(I'm like Karl Malone!), so maybe I'm being insensitive here. But if I remember correctly, it takes like 2--3 tops--minutes to drop your kid off at school. Yeah, it's their first day and it's special, but they are getting out of the car, waving goodbye, and then you go. I don't think you're supposed to sit in your van in front of the building for 3 hours. Actually, I know you aren't supposed to do that and I've got the memories of county jail to prove it. Get your ass to work. Which brings me to my next point...

***99% of the schools in central Ohio were closed yesterday. Her phone call/excuse is brilliant...wait for it...wait for it...

***She said that Sunday's wind blew off most of the roof from her house! Look, I never want to go to work either. I never call in sick (I did once but it was just because I wanted to watch 6 episodes of The Wire), but even I wouldn't use an excuse that lame. I was out driving Sunday night and coming into work today and guess what? NO FLYING ROOFS IN THE SKY. The sky was surprisingly roof-free. I couldn't believe it! The wind was pretty brutal but come on! Oh, she took a full day off for this as well. This has to go down as the worst excuse to miss work in the history of the universe, right? And say "most of her roof DID blow roof"...what the fuck is she going to do about it? SHE'S AN IDIOT! Her carpentry skills are about as advanced as Terry Schaivo's.

The good news is, as I said, she was gone yesterday. The bad news is, I did all of her work and she will come in today telling marathon stories that make it sound like she lived in Dorothy's house in The Wizard of Oz. God, she's a bitch. Like she's a victim and only she is effected. Stupid bitch.

UPDATE!!! Dumb snizz didn't show up to work again today. Must be still trying to track down that runaway roof.

It really speaks to my character that I haven't killed her yet. This is definitely going to turn into a sporadically run segment here. Cross your fingers for power for your buddy, Ol' G$...Big Brother finale party at Damman's tonight!!!

7 comments:

Grumpy said...

I had two worries when our power went out Sun. No Steelers-Browns, and they better have it on by Tues. for the Big Brother finale. Until Sun. I had seen every down of Ben's career. Dan has played the best game on Big Brother and deserves the cash but bitches like April don't understand that and take it personally. Enjoy the finale.

Anonymous said...

If you knew your sheets were sitting in a powerless washing machine then why didn't you take them out and dry them the old fashioned way by hang drying them? You could have even done this inside (Shower curtain rod). Just a thought. I guess you can say I am like Martha Stewart, just without the insider trading conviction and a vagina.

Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

I feel bad for you G$. You may want to consider talking to Vince Young's therapist.

BTW- Desean Jackson cost me the game in your leage by dropping the fucking ball at the 1(even though I scored the 2nd most points this week). Oh yeah so did Jon Kitna throwing 2 TDs to Green Bay's defense.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah...still no work!

Dut

Upstate Underdog said...

I dropped my daughter off at pre-school on her first day and it took 5 minutes.

Seriously G$ it sounds like killing her or moving to a different floor of your building might be the only way out.

Mr. Ace said...

I know I said there was no such thing as below the belt here... but a Terry Schaivo zinger? Ouch.

rstiles said...

I don't care what you say, it sounds like you want to fuck this woman badly...

Just do the deed and then you can rest easily...