Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The Middle Finger: Jason Giambi Part Deux

"They" say that all good things eventually come to an end. I'm not sure who "they" are, but they hit the nail right on the head on this sad day. In terms of cheating, baseball, and the avid fans that follow the sport, have a tendency to hold on to lifelong grudges against those who have been pegged as cheaters in the sport. It's a stain that no one can live down. No matter what you do on and off of the field, the PE drug abusers get branded with that scarlet letter forever. But, there was one small thing that one man did earlier this year that helped wipe the slate clean. What turned a former scapegoat into one of the more popular players in the sport (albeit for a short time)? One 70's style bushy mustache. But, alas, after Sunday's game (and a month long slump), the ol' push-broom is no more. And I'm not too happy about it.

This week's Middle Finger goes to Jason Giambi.

This also happens to be the second finger for Jason, although this one is for different reasons. His initial bird was due to his April incompetence. This time it is for his suddenly tough grooming standards. The glorious Giambi mustache is as gone as Morgan Freeman's driver's license. From Jason himself:

"There's no more hits in it," Giambi said as he boarded the team bus for the team's flight to Dallas. "No more hits."

And that's a damn shame. Damn Shame. It makes me wonder though, now that the 'stache has gone to Bolivian (Mike Tyson-ism!), will he go back to wearing his golden thong to break his current slump? Plow through a horde of fat chicks? Actually practice hitting the ball to the opposite field? It's really a crapshoot at this point. But it was a cowardly move in my opinion. I realize that baseball players are retardedly superstitious, but DO NOT blame a mustache for your shortcomings. That is just weak. I fully expect these guys to file a lawsuit against the Giambino. Nobody fucks with the American Mustache Institute.

Although, this could all be water under the bridge if Jason shows up next week rockin' the "Rutherford B. Hayes" look...

So enjoy your Middle Finger this week, Giambino, you are now in elite company. For it is only you and Hammerin' Hank Steinbrenner that have been two time winners of this illustrious award. And while you search for some new trend to help trigger your hitting again, I can't help but think that if I cut out your eyes, you would still be a more solid contributor than Richie Sexson.

And if Joba is hurt for awhile, your shaving could have started armageddon for the rest of the season. That's right, I blame you and your razor if the Yankees miss the playoffs.


Aaron said...

To read the American Mustache Institute's statement on the passing of Giambi's mustache, read here:

J Beanie said...

And just like that, you are back to the Yankees missing the playoffs? Because of Joba? Don't you have confidence in Carl Pavano stepping in and getting the job done?

Giambi shouldn't have shaved it all away. He should have shaved a slight bit away at each end until he had a Hitler-stache.

J Beanie said...

And what do you think of the Yankee employees short changing the signing bonus of Dominican players and then keeping the difference themselves? That's a Steinbrenner-ism if there ever was one.

GMoney said...

I've been a huge proponent of any athlete breaking out the Hitler 'stache. It would be one of the greatest achievements in the history of the world.

As far as the Yankees go, Dominicans must be pretty stupid and illiterate. Fuck 'em.

Matt said...

He said he shaved it and immediately started growing a new one. Besides, don't you think he knows his good luck charms a little better than you? After all, you never suggested that steroids would bring him "luck".