Thursday, August 07, 2008
It doesn't happen too often, but every once in a while, a coach or manager will make all the right moves for a few weeks and everything will come up gold. Take Clint Hurdle last year for example. He could have lit Matt Holliday on fire and the Rockies were still going to win. Sometimes, even the most insane coaches will get bailed out by the superb play of their players.
Anyway, today The Money Shot will take a look at these decision makers...except that we aren't going to applaud them at all. Nope, we're calling them out instead. For these guys were so damn lucky that it makes me want to puke. In my opinion, their championships were nothing more than a joke. And how are we going to rate the coaches, you ask?
Each of our candidates will be rated on a scale of luckiness from 1-10; 1 being the Buffalo Bills/any team from Cleveland and 10 being Rich Beem. If you remember, Beem won the 2002 PGA Championship. He was a terrible golfer before that tournament, pulled it together for one week for his landmark, shocking win, and then fell off the map after the tournament was over. So let's get started, shall we?
Dishonorable mention: Larry Coker (2001 Da U), Doc Rivers (2008 Boston Celtics), Steve Fisher (1989 Michigan Hoops), and Mack Brown (2005 Texas Longhorns) Obviously, all of these guys have/had their mental deficiencies, but somehow they pulled it all together. They suck, but not enough to make the top 5.
5. Tom Coughlin (2008 New York Giants)
If this guy walked into a room and starting talking, how quickly would you stop paying attention to him? 5 seconds? You can just look at him and immediately deduce that he has no credibility. Even though he won the Super Bowl last year, I still have yet to hear anyone say anything good about him as a coach. The defense responded to Steve Spagnuolo and Eli Manning finally realized that throwing the ball to guys on his team was the way to go. And let's not forget that he looks like Fievel from An American Tale either. Remember that NFC title game in Green Bay? By the 4th quarter his face looked like an old catcher's mitt. He looked like Kramer in the Seinfeld episode when he spent too much time around cigarette smoke. Disgusting.
Beem Score: 7/10
4. Jack McKeon (2003 Florida Marlins)
Some people thought it was cool that a guy who dedicated his life to baseball finally won a World Series at the ripe young age of 106. Not me. He walked into a situation where he had some of the best young arms in baseball. His toughest job as manager was to stay awake throughout the entire game and not crap his pants in the process. Trader Jack didn't even mind lighting up a cigar or two while sitting in the dugout. When you can't remember where you parked your car half the time and still refer to minorities as "Coloreds" (probably), you didn't really deserve that ring. But I wish him all the success in the world on the shuffleboard court.
Beem Score: 7.5/10
3. Philip Fulmer (1998 Tennessee Volunteers)
Does this guy look like a champion at all? Can anyone explain to me how he could continue to blow big games with Peyton Manning but go undefeated with the great Tee Martin? It still boggles the mind that this guy won a national championship. JUST LOOK AT HIM. It's hard to fathom that at one point, he was once at the pinnacle of his profession. He looks like a guy who would be more comfortable wearing greasy overalls and no shirt underneath as opposed to holding a whistle and a clipboard. The fact that he still has a job after almost a decade of imcompetence only adds fuel to the fire that that title was a complete fluke.
Beem Score: 8.25/10
2. Bob Brenly (2001 Arizona Diamondbacks)
How easy it must have been to tell Curt Schilling and Randy Johnson to just go out there and throw a complete game? Well, that's what Brenly did in 2001. It really speaks to his ineptness that after being relieved of his job a few years after his World Series win (and destruction of the Yankees dynasty which is still a very sore subject with this blogger), NO ONE wanted him as their coach. But, hey, at least he's a mediocre color commentator for the Cubs now. Ugh, he sucks at everything but maintaining some lovely lip fur.
Beem Score: 9.5/10
1. Brian Billick (2001 Baltimore Ravens)
If you've been coming here long enough, you know that I think of Brian Billick along the same lines as I feel toward the comedy of Ray Romano...I hate him. It still boggles the mind that Billick was considered an offensive genius when he got the job in Bawlmer yet his Raven offenses were hopeless, dickless, and unimaginative each and every year. The fact is, Ray Lewis and Ed Reed (whoops, forget this) and Tony Siragusa won that Super Bowl for him. He didn't do shit. His QB was Trent Dilfer...Trent Dilfer? THAT is who took his vaunted offense to the highest level. If there was EVER any coach that didn't deserve his day in the sun based on his reputation, it's Billick. I just thank God that we don't have to deal with his "molding" of Kyle Boller anymore. Just a ridiculous tenure that gets overshadowed by one season of excellent defense that he had no hand in.
Beem Score: 11.75/10
Congratulations, Brian! You are the luckiest coach in the history of professional/collegiate sports! But don't get too comfortable on that throne. We could be a mere 6 months away from a certain Mr. Wade Phillips dethroning you. I wouldn't bet on it though, his QB is still Tony Simpson-Romo.