Wednesday, August 27, 2008

College Football Preview Week: Day 3

Well, we've heard from an Ohio State fan and a Michigan fan and today...were back to Buckeye fan again. Ugh. But, we should all feel blessed because today we've got one of the biggest homers of all time joining us. Yep, former die-hard commenter, Damman, gives blogging a whirl today. Allow me give you a little background on today's write as I've known Damman for probably about 2 decades. His most noticeable traits are his love of putting ketchup on hot dogs (just plain wrong), his top 5 finishes in global Peyton Manning lookalike contests, and his burning lust for rotund drunken skanks. Without further ado, it's all you, D...

Well, I have finally realized one of my dreams of being a guest poster on The Money Shot. Obviously, I don't set very lofty goals for myself. This low goal setting sometimes shows my in my choice of women that I hit on at bars...well I should probably stop right there.

I guess we are going to talk some college football today. I should preface this by saying that I am a huge Buckeye fan. I will try to be unbiased in my predictions, but I am not making any promises. But, you know what, there is enough Buckeye bashing that goes on here that I may just have to give my beloved Buckeyes some love. So all you Buckeye haters, piss off.

Damman's Top 5:
1. Georgia - Everybody's #1. With all the returning talent (Stafford, Moreno) it's hard to argue with it. The schedule will be a bitch (They play in the almighty SEC, you know) and losing one of their starting tackles for the year will hurt. But they are still loaded.

2. THE Ohio State Buckeyes - Is this the year the Buckeyes get over the hump? Back-to-Back Championship Game losses has the rest of the country praying that the Buckeyes don't make it back. But with 20 returning starters, it's hard to bet against them. In the words of Lou Brown, "Let's see if we can give 'em all a nice big shit burger." The showdown with USC will tell a lot about this team.

3. USC - Everybody's favorite cheaters. They have the best players money can buy, and while it pisses me off that they get away with it, it also makes them very good. Pete Carroll is a homo, but when you've got an open checkbook, you get some pretty good players. (Editor's note: what a jealous prick)

4. Florida - Urban Meyer can flat out coach. With Tebow at the controls to go along with weapons like Percy Harvin, they will be a force offensively. They will go as far as their suspect defense can take them.

5. Missouri - I have developed a man crush on Chase Daniel. I think he is going to have another monster year and Jeremy Maclin is a stud. They will take down Oklahoma this year.

Most Overrated
Clemson. I know they have a lot of talent, but when have they not had a lot of talent? It seems like this team gets hype every year, but never lives up to it. Now this year with maybe more hype than ever, why would it be any different? This team will go 8-4.

Most Underrated
South Carolina. I don't really no why, but I just think this is the year the "Ol' Ball Coach" makes some noise in the SEC.

This year's Kansas
North Carolina. After a couple of solid recruiting classes, Butch Davis and crew have the makings for a big breakout season, especially in the weak ACC. Being a Browns fan, I despise Butch Davis for nearly running a great franchise into the ground (Editor's note, I love Butch Davis for that). But the guy is a great college football coach.

The first coach fired
Kirk Ferentz. After having 3 straight ten win seasons earlier in the decade, one of the highest paid coaches has seen his program take a nose dive. He has lost control of his players on and off the field, and that's ok if you keep winning. Ferentz has not.

Three Bold Predictions
*North Carolina will win the ACC. This conference sucks and as I said earlier, Carolina is a team on the rise.
*Terrelle Pryor will score two touchdowns against USC. Believe the hype. This kid is the real deal.
*Notre Dame will lose to Navy again. I am not sure how likely or bold this is, but the Irish are going to suck again this year and I wouldn't rule it out. It is really sad to see Charlie Weis struggle so much, isn't it?

Heisman Winner
Beanie Wells. Come on, who else could it be? Beanie ran for 1600 yards last year and played about 3/4 of the games due to injury/blowouts. He is big, he is fast, and if he stays healthy there is no telling how big of a season he could have. Chase Daniel will finish 2nd, Tebow 3rd. Tebow's numbers will take a dip this year due to having a better running game (by actual running backs Rainey and Harvin) to take away some of his touchdowns.

BCS Championship
Ohio State over Florida. This is the year the Bucks get the job done. This is the year the SEC curse is lifted. Two years ago, they got caught not being ready to play as evidenced by Troy Smith putting on 15 lbs between the Michigan game and the championship game. Last year, they were not supposed to be there. They were a year away and had to play a really good LSU team in New Orleans, not an easy task. This year there are no excuses. This is why Jenkins, Lauranaitis, and Freeman came back, unfinished business. Even though they say it's not why they came back, they are just being smart about it. (They don't want to pull a Michigan from last year when those dumbasses said they wanted to come back to win a Big Ten title, beat Ohio State, and win a national title. How'd that turn out boys? 0 for 3, huh?)

This is why they came back. They are loaded on offense and loaded on defense. It all starts at USC on Sept. 13th. This will be a statement to the rest of the country that the Buckeyes mean business. There will be some tough tests. At Wisconsin is never easy, at Illinois will be tough, but Penn St. has no chance, and Michigan has no chance (editor again, what about The Ohio's!). When the smoke clears, the Buckeyes will be 12-0 and hoisting the trophy in Miami.

Well, that was pretty fun. I hope you all enjoyed it. I don't apologize for my Buckeye bias. I am sure all the lame insults will come in the comments and I am ready for it. Unfortunately, due to the graphic nature of The Money Shot I am blocked from access it at work so I will not be able to respond until tonight. So I will need my fellow Buckeyes out there to step up for me and defend the honor of the Scarlet and Gray. Editor one more time, don't you dare go crazy again, Li'l Strut.

Hey G$, can I get that picture of Tebow and that smoking hot chick to accompany this post? Editor's awesome note, done and done.

While his opinions suck, his request for this picture more than makes up for that. We're over halfway though "guest post" week and I'm very pleased with the results thus far. I may take blogging vacations more. But enough about my laziness, I've got to start focusing on my TailGREAT in Oxford tomorrow night. Fuck Vanderbilt. Thanks, Damman, we've got The Wig Master going tomorrow and Wobbler on Friday to end the week in style.

***Yet another edit, Jim Tressel is a sack of shit that instills no off-field discipline on his team. I write about it here...go ahead, try and defend your boy on this one.


J Beanie said...

Damman, you are much more fun to talk to about NFL, stare at and think how much you look like Peyton Manning who was just beat up by Eli, and see your undying love for G$ than you are to read. In a strange way, I'm not rooting against OSU this year. I would find it very entertaining, highly amusing, and incredibling satisfying if they went back to the BSC game and lost for the third straight time. How'd that be for an 0-for-3?

Anonymous said...

Ugh....Ohio State vs. Florida. I think if that were to happen, I would have to watch the game from a Gainesville bar with a suicide bomb underneath my clothes in case of another national championship loss to them.

If we were to win, I might still just pull the cord to through that school into even more turmoil.


Anonymous said...

Due to me writing more words in the comments yesterday than the actual blog had in it, I am going to abstain from a well though out comment today and reserve myself for Friday's rankings, which an inside source has told me have a pretty interesting flavor in the top 5.

Good post Damman.

Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

You guys are fucking idiots. Yesterday, you are all up in arms over someone's PREDICTIONS just because they weren't written in scarlet and gray. Today they are, and it's kudos.

Artichokes and Assholes' next album is going to be entirely about their hatred toward Ohio State fans.

Anonymous said...

G$....You are # 6 on this list......


sweetbob said...

I love any post that has Tebow in a picture with that girl who looks like she is going to tip over.

I added a link to yours on my blog...thought that you have a nice site here.

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