Friday, August 22, 2008

5 Rules For Your Draft

Once again, it's Fantasy Football Friday here at Das Money Shot. This is the 4th and final installment of my free advice regarding the aforementioned topic. We've already talked about my top 5, who I like, and who I'm not so sure about. Today, it's more of a general topic. Most of us are pros when it comes to running a successful fantasy war room on draft day, but there are likely a few novices that are going to read this as well. And since I'm a generous fellow, let me help you out. Here's 5 tips to make sure that you are one step closer to the playoffs before the first kickoff even takes place.

My hatred toward all of the other NFC East teams has been well chronicled. Likely, Browns and Bengals fans in the area hate each other as well as the Steelers. But this is fantasy, ya dumbass. Eventhough I despise the bitch, ol' G$ isn't going to pass on Tony Romo if he's available and at a good value. Why? Because he can really help my team! On the flip side, guys that play on your favorite team aren't necessarily good fantasy options. About a month ago, a buddy of mine called me asking for drafting advice as this was his first year doing it. I gave him this exact same advice. Two nights later, I get a text saying that he took Brett Favre in the second round (he's a Packers fan by the way). Don't let your biases cloud your judgment. We all hate the Patriots but you damn sure better be trying to get one of them on your roster. Draft with your head, not with your heart. And if you take someone that you normally hate and he fucks you over, it's all good because you hated him already.

I mentioned this last week, there is no reason to reach during your draft. If you like rookie RB, Kevin Smith, he's still going to be there in round 5 so you can probably avoid the ridicule from picking him in the 3rd. When in doubt, go with the guy with the proven track record. If you're sitting there deciding between Darren MacFadden and Brandon Jacobs, you KNOW what Jacobs is going to do. He's a vulture when it comes to goalline carries. McFadden is obviously a sexy pick, but we really don't know anything about him as a pro yet. As I mentioned last week, don't be the guy that takes Antonio Gates way too early either. Playing it safe isn't always the most desired route, but most of the time you will make the right choice if you just be patient.

Is there anything worse than that guy at your draft who is always asking to look at your research or trying to draft a guy in the 10th round that was picked in the 2nd round or is completely clueless when it comes to the late rounds of your draft. In my fantasy baseball league this year, our league idiot tried to draft a guy that was already drafted...4 rounds earlier by himself. Look, every pick is important and thus you should come prepared. Everytime someone asks me to look at my stuff, they get a very rude "no" from me. We're playing this for money and I've got players earmarked, I don't want you looking at my stuff. Now I'm not saying that you should hole yourself down in Hitler's bunker for a week breaking down offensive red zone tendencies, but at least go buy a magazine that has every player listed. And cross those fuckers off when they get picked. Yeah, buddy, Adrian Peterson is still available in the 5th round...ass. If you play your cards right, Tom Brady may still be there come the 15th round as well.

We all love to brag about how we have Peyton Manning on our squad and pretty much pencil in a playoff appearance. Yep, he's going to get us a steady 32 TD's and now all you need to do is just get some decent filler players. But no so fast, Lee Corso. For the past however many years, Dickhead Dungy has sat your bread-winner during the fantasy playoffs to rest him for the real playoffs. What a prick! How dare he put himself ahead of your team. Knowing that going into your draft, you should probably stock your bench with another decent QB as opposed to saying, fuck it, I'm never going to need my back-up anyway, I'll just take Alex Smith. Also, look at who your best players will be going against in the last few weeks. You don't want to be stuck with a playoff team that has a few guys playing at Buffalo in December during your Super Bowl. Maybe that isn't a draft strategy to plan that far ahead, but you need to always have your head on a swivel. Because you should always consider potential trades that may be proposed down the road.

Boys, this is truly one of the greatest days of the year. A fantasy football draft is almost perfect. There are no nagging women around, plenty of off-color dick jokes to go around, and likely a King's ransom in alcohol if you so choose to partake. Have fun. Don't be the asshole with his face buried in his magazine trying to uncover some 14th round sleeper that isn't going to pan out. Relax and make fun of people. Make fun of your own team. But, there is a fine line. You don't want to be so loose that you look like Homer here. I'm not saying that you shouldn't get drunk, but you also have to keep your eyes on the prize. Last year, by the end of our marathon 5+ hour auction-style draft, commenter stonybrown ended the draft drooling, trying to chug a big glass of straight Blue Curacao because it was the only hard alcohol left in the house, and with about $12 worth of Jaegermeister on his t-shirt. It was funny but at the same time--you know, I was going to say it was sad but it wasn't, it was fucking priceless. To guys, fantasy football drafts are like Christmas morning for kids. Enjoy yourself. If it means that you have to apologize to your significant other the next morning, fuck it. Who cares? The same damn thing is going to happen next year anyway.

Well, there you have it. I hope I helped somewhat. As I said, this is the last post from me (maybe one late next Thursday night when I get back from the Vanderbilt/RedHawks game) until September 2nd. As I've stated all week, the inmates are running the asylum all next week. Expect guest posts from some of my finest commenters in a full week tribute to college football. Monday, we get the week started off right with a diatribe by Drew. See you all after Labor Day...try to stay out of jail.


J Beanie said...

You're right. Fantasy drafts are like Christmas morning. I can't wait to do mine. The only thing that annoys me about them are the guys who know little to nothing about football who partake in them. Now, in one respect I like because it should be an easy W but when the same guy is saying "who's that?" after every pick, something isn't right. And I'm not even talking about rookies or No. 3 receivers. I'm talking about top three round picks. I hate that. The only thing I hate more is when that guy ends up doing well in the league. Stupid bastard.

So sad you are leaving us for a week. I'll play you out..

Ding dong the witch is dead, which old witch... the wicked witch. The wick witch is dead.

J Beanie said...

Anyone see me on TV last night?

G$, I'm coming for you.

GMoney said...

I prefer "TAPS" or "Ric Flair's entrance music".

With my first draft on Sunday, I have, and I'm not kidding, laid in bed wide awake for over an hour each night thinking of draft scenarios.

Little help, I'm picking 8th in a 12 team league, who would you take with the first two picks for me?

Anonymous said...

Its a scenerio pick for you. If everyone takes running backs, go top 2 quarterbacks or wide receivers, and vice versa. Sine i would say by your pick, the running backs will be in the middle of the pack. Hit up T.O. or Moss. It all depends on the points system.


GMoney said...

It is not good at all that I actually am leaning toward Glick's idea.

Anonymous said...

Ive had to pick from that position or worse the past 3 years. Its made me money all three years. You have to hope there is a couple idoits in front of you.


saul hudson said...

G Funk, so I am at the BW3s on Bethel last night and there is a group of young Indian men (like Temple of Doom Indian) sitting at the next table conducting their draft. It is the first pick of the night, and the number one man takes Favre! My thought: 'what would G$ say, and would it be racist?'

GMoney said...

Why yes, my remarks would be quite racist. And are you sure that they weren't ordering Fava beans instead of stupidly drafting old man river #1?

rstiles said...

You are so right...draft day is like Christmas

Mac G said...

Here is some free advice GMoney, I like Jay Cutler and Matt Schaub to bust out big time to a higher fantasy QB level.