The Winners Book Review

An Ohio State University head football coach, Gentleman Jim Tressel, is releasing his third book this month titled, "The Winners Manual". Being central Ohio's best and brightest blogger, I was able to score a pre-release copy of this manifesto. It's a pretty interesting read to be honest. Tressel delves into some pretty dark and untold stories surrounding his career rising through the coaching ranks. He discusses everything from his childhood as a bi-partisan football fan all the way up to his current status as one of college football's best coaches. So today, I'm going to give you a small taste of what the book is about. It's a 13 chapter Mein Kampf and I will give you the title and a brief synapsis of each chapter. So without further ado, "The Winners Manual":

1. Rooting For Everyone
--Tressel has been quoted before as saying that when he was a kid growing up in suburban Cleveland, he rooted for both Michigan and Ohio State. No one believes that because it is absolutely absurd.

2. Building A Powerhouse Program At A Small School
--Hey, these athletes aren't going to pay themselves! No kid voluntarily wants to live in Youngstown without a little something on the side.

3. Finding The Perfect Pair Of Tinted Eyeglass Lenses
--What do you get when you need to see but despise those damn, dirty UV rays? Yes, those stylish tinted spectacles that no one under 90 years old wear anymore!

4. Crafting Your Signature Look
--The key to standing out is to be different. The sweater vest has been a staple of homosexual fraternity houses for years. It's not wonder that anOSU alumni and diehard fans love it.

5. Asking Your Brother To Take The Fall
--The key to success is placing blame on others. When the NCAA starts asking questions, always throw blame on those that will least likely come back to bite you in the end.

6. The Highway Robbery In Tempe
--It is still amazing to think about that career-defining night in Arizona. It is also unfathomable to think about how much money was spent paying off those referees and thus alienating Skip Bayless from the program forever...totally worth it.

7. Maurice Clarett: Was It Worth It?
--Had Mo possessed any credibility at all, he would have brought an SMU-style Death Penalty on this program. But nevertheless, Teflon Jim knows how to dodge bullets, baby!

8. Schedule Like A Champion
--The secret to getting to BCS bowl after BCS bowl is to rarely ever go on the road and by scheduling cream puffs at home for the non-conference schedule. Hey, The Ohio's, Youngstown State, and Troy are all coming to The Shoe this year! Yet we try to justify that garbage because we're going out to Southern Cal!

9. Sodomizing Lloyd Carr Into Early Retirement
--Most of the time, people that pick on retards are likely destined for an eternity in Hell. No exception here, it was almost too easy beating a mental midget like Carr every single season.

10. Saying Absolutely Nothing Interesting
--The key to being a local media darling is to grant interviews to anyone and everyone but to also never really say anything with context. Never has Tressel said anything even remotely controversial or interesting with a microphone in front of him.

11. The Pryor Fiasco
--Let's give the NCAA two years before they set up camp in Columbus investigating recruiting sanctions on Terrelle Pryor after he's seen driving down High Street in a Bentley. I still have no idea why a spread offense QB would choose anOSU when he won't be starting right away. Something doesn't add up here...

12. Being Outclassed By The SEC
--The simplest way to achieve greatness as a football coach is to dominate your own conference and then embarrass yourself against teams from a better conference. It helps when the stage is bigger and the entire world is watching. That is how a coach earns his stripes.

13. Lather, Rinse, Repeat
--Be consistent. You just have to keep grinding (much like Eric Wedge). When in doubt, pay kids and distance yourself from that money, schedule like shit, and get owned by the SEC. Seems to work out OK in Columbus, right?

Then, AND ONLY THEN, will you be a winner. The template for success is available (at a small nominal fee). You can have The Winners Manual. Now it's up to you to win.