Monday, July 28, 2008
A quick rundown of the weekend's best and worst offenders from around the world of sport because I don't have anything better to write about and you haven't found a better blog to read yet:
The New York Yankees - Hey Hey! What a fantastic weekend to be a Yankees fan. Well, besides being smarter and more well-informed than all other fanbases, once again we thump our chests at our greatness. First, Brian Cashman bamboozles the dumbass Pirates for Xavier Nady and Damaso Marte. While I'm not the biggest fan of Nady and think he's playing waaaaay over his head this year, this is a massive upgrade over the light-hitting shitstain named Brett Garnder. And we already saw what Marte can do with his clutch strikeout on Big Papi Saturday afternoon. The fact that the Yankees gave up a dry handjob for these two speaks volumes regarding why the Pirates are a terrible organization. You guys enjoy the Ross Ohlendorf Era...it's not a fun ride. And then, of course, is the series win over the flustered and inferior Boston Red Sox. Now, it would have been nice to get the brooms out on those jackasses, but I really didn't expect Cy Ponson to dominate last night anyway. Does anyone out there still think that Joba Chamberlain isn't an ace in the making??? You should all love him for his propensity to throw 90+ mph fastballs at Kevin Youkilis' head...something that we all wish that we could do. The Yankees are making the playoffs...no doubt about it. Whether they do anything is another story but I am completely confident that baseball will be played in The Bronx in October yet again.
The Philadelphia Soul - Your 2008 Arena League Champions!!! Whatever, this is all the recognition that they will get from me. Wake me up when Ron Jaworski and Bon Jovi get caught 69'ing each other.
Manny Ramirez - What in the hell is wrong with Manny? He's off on another tangent about wanting to be traded and, again, it comes out of leftfield (his position!). I don't get it. He makes 20 million a year, just won a second World Series, has a fanbase of pedophiles that love him (hell, even I like him), and is a media darling yet for some reason he's pissed and thinks that he deserves more respect. I just don't understand what the hell is going on with this nutjob. And quit using the "Manny being Manny" bullshit, the guy is insane. There is a big difference between being charismatic and being bipolar.
Indianapolis Motor Speedway - As I was laying around the house on Sunday nursing a very sizeable hangover, I managed to watch more of the NASCAR race than I would like to admit. But that is a result of being too lazy to change the channel. Anyway, the track was ripping up everyone's tires so NASCAR was imposing yellow flag cautions every ten laps to deter this. First of all, why do they keep going back to Indy if the track sucks? And why do they keep using Goodyear if their tires are pussies? And why is Brad Daugherty still an analyst! To me, this is why auto racing will never be considered a sport. Something as basic and retarded as sturdy tires and asphalt had a HUGE impact on the outcome of a race and due to all of the cautions, there were no g'damn accidents! Fuck this. Can you imagine if there was a basketball court that was breaking the soles off of every player's shoes? Or a football field that made Tony Romo less gay? Madness!
The Ugly (Why a picture of HERM!? Because there is nothing uglier than Herm coaching and this picture always makes me smile):
Dwyane Wade - I've said it before and I'll say it again, the only part of the Olympics worth watching is basketball. We are taking back our honor this year. But I may have to root against us after seeing Wade's new look. Most black guys look good with a shaved head...Dwyane is not one of them. What do I know though, Star Jones could have eaten all of his hair when he was sleeping after a night of hot bread-buttering.
Delonte West - Delonte falls under any "ugly" category. Yahoo! is reporting that he is seriously considering playing in Russia next year as opposed to YOUR Cleveland Cavaliers. Please don't do it, Delonte. We have no other option at PG and I will go on a murderous rampage if I see Eric Snow back on the floor at The Q ever again.
I'm out because I'm on 2 hours of sleep. I just couldn't fall asleep last night knowing that ESPN was going to reveal the winner of the TITLETOWN label today. Best of luck, Valdosta, Georgia!