Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Thumbs Up: Carson Palmer

I am aware that this space is usually reserved for The Middle Finger. But not this week, my friends. No, I'm not too angry right now and I'm actually feeling a tad satisfied. It could be because I just took off my shoes and socks in my cubicle, but mostly, it's because we get to talk about Ohio State fans again.

First things first, I am absolutely 100% not a fan of today's instigator. I think he's the most overrated quarterback in the league. He's great to have on a fantasy football team but has yet to prove that you want him as the QB on your real team. He's won exactly as many playoff games since coming into the NFL as I have. We have also finished the same amount of postseason offensive possessions. It's easy for fans to excuse his mediocre play by blaming the defense, which is partly true, but Peyton has led his team to the playoffs for what feels like the past decade with a crappy defense. It can be done. So that being said, you will never see me apologize for the former #1 pick and Heisman Trophy winner. It's time for him to put up or shut up. But don't shut up just yet. Your recent quotes are more delicious than a John Morrell hot dog.

This week's inaugural recipient of the Mike Utley Thumbs Up Award goes to Carson Palmer.

Let's get right to it; Palmer (pictured doing what he does best: deepthroating a sausage) was on some radio station in SoCal recently and kinda/sorta went off on Ohio's most popular team (besides the RedHawks obviously):

"I cannot stand the Buckeyes. It's amazing to hear what those guys think about that university and what they think about that football program and Tressel and all the crap I gotta put up with being back there. I just can't wait for two years from now when SC comes to the 'Shoe and hopefully we'll have a home game that weekend and I can go up there and watch us pound on them in their own turf. I'm really getting sick of it and I just can't wait for this game to get here so they can come out to the Coliseum and experience LA and get an old-fashioned Pac-10 butt-whoopin' and go back to the Big Ten."

Well...that's not pulling any punches or sugar-coating anything. Clearly, Palmer is in the same boat as the rest of us Americans that feature IQ's over 14. But I, as well as the rest of the world, am curious as to why these things were said. I mean, I'm allowed to say that because I'm Joe Cubicle who posts under a moniker. I'm not an extremely public figure in a state filled with people that are/were his fans but now detest him (at least for the time being). It doesn't make sense. Well, almost...

Carson finally reached his boiling point. Buckeye fans are so grating and annoying that he finally snapped. They are like herpes. it doesn't matter what you do or what medicine you take, those sumbitches are going to keep popping up at the wrong times and suck the life out of you.

It's kind of like Christmas time when you were growing up. Every year, you asked your grandma to give you some ankle socks (talking about anything but OSU) but for ten straight holiday seasons, it was nothing but plain white tube socks (talking about them). You always reminded her that you didn't that style, but she kept buying them for you anyway. But you grow up and you forget about it. Then all of a sudden, 15 years later, your underage Thai prostitute (SoCal radio show) knocks on your hotel room door wearing thigh-high's and it triggers your memory. You hated those fucking tube socks. You never wanted to see another pair again yet your hooker reminds you of all those wasted Christmas presents. And you take your rage out on the poor whore even before defiling her/him. I'm trying to figure out if this analogy actually works...fuck it, I'm sticking with it. Buckeye fans are like tube socks on Christmas morning...you never want them around but they keep showing up anyway.

To sum things up, I hope that the Bengals, Buckeyes, and Browns win a combined ten games this season. This blog has always supported people going off on other groups of people for no apparent reason. And Carson Palmer just gained a lot of points with me today. Not enough for me to overlook how average he is as a winning QB, but Carson the man gets a big Thumbs Up from myself, The Fonz, and Mike Utley. Job well done, Carson.


Anonymous said...

Palmer is a coward. He already back tracked. If that's how you feel then stick up for what you said...don't be a little girl and try to change your words.

"I'm a Trojan all the way, and I was talking to a Trojan audience in California," he said, in a statement issued by a Bengals spokesman. "I guess I got a little fired up, as all good fans will do.

"But I really do respect the Buckeyes, and I know their fans are passionate, too. I hope they all understand I'm just looking forward to a big game for my school against a very tough opponent, and that it's all in the good fun of a rivalry. You don't have a real rivalry unless both sides are great teams."

-- Drew

J Beanie said...

I love CP. He can take an amazing amount of shots, do killer keg stands and throw mean parties. On top of all that he hates OSU. Good for him. He just moved up in my book. And I hope the Browns, Bengals and Buckeyes win a total of 10 games too and they are all for the Browns.

GMoney said...

Beanie, I could live with that...10 wins wasn't enough for the Browns last year anyway.

Drew, now I wish that I could go back in time and give him The Finger as opposed to the Mike Utley. Fucking prick.

Matt said...

I hope Carson finds his way to the Coliseum for the butt kicking the Sweater Vests are going to deliver in September.

Tony B. said...

The funny thing is that every team in the Pac-10 hates USC as much G$ hates OSU. At least OSU didn't lose to Stanford football last year or have a QB named after asses and pirates' treasure.

Anonymous said...

CP must not be confident in his former team this year. He doesn't mention anything about OSU going out there. A win on the road @ USC will mean more than one at home. What a douche...stick by your shit-talking if you are going to do it. GMoney, you should give yourself a "Middle Finger" for even supporting the shit he was spewing.


Anonymous said...

I am always for people being able to have their own views on things and being able to express them, but Carson Palmer must be a dumbass. Him expressing his views on Ohio State in the manner he did showed an extreme lack of foresight on his part. Did he not think this would get back to Ohio and the Buckeye fans? The same Buckeye fans who fill the seats of his home stadium and have contributed to his fat NFL salary for years now? If I were the Bengals PR Department I would have ripped him a new one and made him issue a statement with his tail in between his legs, because I would know full well that any professional football team plays second fiddle to Ohio State Football in Ohio. I just wonder if this will have any backlash in the stands at the Bengals first home game.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

To be fair, many Bengals fans are from Kentucky and don't care about Big Ten Football at all. I wouldn't say that it's half and half, but it isn't like Cleveland which is a huge Buckeye town.

Mac G said...

Mike Greenberg and Trey Wingo were talking about this on ESPN radio this morning and it was pretty awesome. Screw the Suckeyes. All they do is ruin the rep of the Big 10 by being the SEC's bitch. Carson lit up the my Hawkeyes in the Orange Bowl so he cares less about the Big 10.

I love the Mike Utley reference. GMoney does have a soft spot, eh?

-Mike said...

There is no way I could convince people that not all OSU fans are the same way. One or two of us are not too bad. But is the hate at OSU just b/c who it is, or what? Like it was said here, and as a buckeye out in Cali, heart of PAC10 country, they really do hate USC here like others back home hate OSU. Let's also remember that the people bashing the Buckeyes' fans for being pricks are the fans who love the SEC and talk how every team in the country would go 6-6 in the sec and get beat by Ole Miss and Vandy.

Anonymous said...

Love the topic today, OSU fans are like Yankee fans. Huge assholes.

Go Blue

Anonymous said...

Isn't Carson Pamer that guy from USC who's sexual orientation is the equivelant to every other glamour "boy" from the Granola State, the Land Of Fruits and Nuts?

Carson's a good QB, but his mental capacity leaves a great deal to be desired. What was his major at USC, Mens G-String quartet?