Thursday, July 10, 2008

So That Was Not Your Final Answer?

How about that, a late 90's Regis reference in the title! Look, I know that I have a tendency to come off thinking as though I know everything. For the record, it is not a persona, it's the way that I am. And while I may not be the expert in some fields that I claim to be, one thing that I do know is the NFL. I would guess that during the Fall, of my football attention span, I spend 90% of that on the pro game and only 10% on college. For instance, this past season, I nearly missed an entire Sunday due to driving back from Nashville and I was edgy all damn week. It's in my blood. But enough about me, let's talk about Brett Favre for a minute. And hell, if you pay attention close enough, you may learn something from a genius such as myself. After all, I just fucking told you how much Favre's sport means to me.

We all remember it. Weeks after the Super Bowl, rumors are swirling that Mr. Fake Retirement himself, The Gunslinger, would be saying goodbye. He held that press conference. He said that he had nothing left to give. He cried. John Madden cried. Frank Caliendo cried knowing that half of his act was over. Peter King also cried. I did not cry because I'm a grown man who realized that there will be another Brett Favre someday. I didn't cry, although I was closer than I'd like to admit, when Sean Taylor passed away so why would Favre make me tear up? It's insanity!

Time passed. The Packers moved on. The organization and the fans began to think about life post-Favre once they awoke from their cheese and bratwurst comas. It was time to begin the Aaron Rodgers Era in 'Sconnie. They also drafted Brian Brohm. OK, it's really over. They now had two young QB's who would be vying to lead the Packers back to the Super Bowl like Brett once did. Hell, maybe these two kids could, you know, not end their seasons with crippling interceptions. The uncertainty around what could be is exciting.

Then last week we hear that Favre is bored in Mississippi (no shit). He called front office people in Green Bay and Coach Humpty Dumpty and put out feelers about a potential comeback. GM Ted Thompson (who does not really get along with Favre anyway) refused to answer his text messages. The Packer brass let it leak that they did not want Brett to come back. It was time for both sides to move on in their eyes. So, it appears that Favre won't be back in Green Bay. They aren't going to release him because he could sign with a rival like Chicago or Minnesota. And they aren't going to trade him because Thompson doesn't want to be branded as "the guy that traded Brett Favre". So where do we go from here? What are your opinions, G-Funk?

Brett Favre had been holding the Packers hostage for the past few years with his "will I or won't I play" schtick. We all think highly of him for calling it quits early in the offseason so the team can prepare without him. EVERY retired athlete gets the fucking itch to come back that first year. I find it pathetic that a once proud warrior like Favre is basically crawling on his knees and begging the team to let him come back. He made the decision to walk away. He said that he had nothing left to give. I guess I'm confused here. Did he find something left in the tank this Spring?

Football is a business...a big-ass business. The Packers don't owe Favre shit. Hell, he only won one damn ring (tied with Trent Dilfer) in all of his seasons there anyway. He said he was done, fine, they accepted that and have moved on. The Packers weren't going to fold just because Brett retired. I don't think that I could possibly respect Green Bay any more than I do now.

It's kind of like if you (Packers) dated this incredibly smoking hot chick (Favre) for awhile and all of your friends envy the shit out of you. Then, after threatening time after time, she finally dumps you to start fucking some asshole out in Hollywood. After a few months, that phone rings, and she's crying after shooting her 4th porno (plowing some acres of farmland) of the day. She realizes the error in her ways and wants to come back home and give it another try with you. Except instead of welcoming her back with open arms and a giant boner, you hang up on her because you are in the middle of a threesome with two young Asian broads (Rodgers and Brohm). It's not the same, but this new venture is much more exciting and you'd like to see how far you can take it. You've moved on.

Brett, just go away...for good. Nobody likes making the Walk Of Shame.


Anonymous said...

Sean "I'm so smart I think a machete can beat a gun" Taylor?

J Beanie said...

I'll never think of Rodgers and Brohm the same way again. That kind of turned me on. Is that weird?

GMoney said...

Anon, please tell me who you are. The only crime 21 committed was hiring fucksticks to mow his lawn.

I'm with you, Beanie. Erotic.

Anonymous said...

I'm Sean Taylor's him, I didn't make it to heaven.

Please tell me who you are acting like he was a classy guy. DUI's, spitting in other player's faces and his armed assault arrest.

21 stands for piece of shit everybody outside this G$ character.

GMoney said...

I've never said that he was a classy guy. He was a great teammate and a warrior on the field. His past had NOTHING to do with his murder. Why you can't see that is beyond me.

I think at some point in all of our lives, we've all wanted to spit in Michael Pittman's face.

Tony B. said...

Wow, I never thought a paragraph would help me give a shred more respect for the Packers (I still hate them) but your end metaphor is fantastic. I hate Favre (this comment is completely canceled out if he goes to play with the Bears.)

@ anonymous - you're by far more offensive than anything G$ has ever written. You're writing actual hurtful stuff while hiding behind your nameless tag. G$ has strong opinions and is over the top (like Sly Stallone) for comedic purposes. You can even make up an internet character of your own unless you're too much of pussy to state who you are (which you are).

Sorry, G$. I know you don't need me to defend you, but it pisses me off.

Anonymous said...

"Writing actual hurtful stuff". You are a pussy Tony.

Anonymous said...

Dear Aaron Rodgers,

On August 1st please put the following under the hood of my grill:

$ 3,000 cash

$ 5,000 BP Gift Certificates (must be redeemable for both gas and beer)

$ 1,000 Subway Gift Card

1 autographed A.J. Hawk football (nothing mentioning the Packers...only Buckeye related message)

3 lbs of top notch Wisconsin pepper jack cheese

2 lbs of Wisconsin jerky

1 picture of your wife/girlfriend or both naked (I'm sure she's hot and I also can use this as collateral in case you turn me in.)

6 tickets to the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards

In exchange I will murder the cocksucker that is Brett Favre. I will most likely find a way where I knock him out and put about 40 Oxycotin's in him to make people believe he OD'd on pain killers. Nothing will be traceable and I will probably get more satisfaction than you out of it. In fact, it will be hard for me to even keep myself from skull fucking his dead ass.

Give into my demands and there will be no more Brett Favre.

Let's make it happen.


GMoney said...

Drew just wants to Favre to become a Lion.

Anonymous said...

The only good thing that would come from Favre becoming a Lion would be that I finally would find the reason to completely give up on them. If he became a Lion, I would never ever root for them again and that would be great.


GMoney said...

If you think positively, Favre becoming a Lion would guarantee that he sucked and would tarnish his career. So you would have that going for you.

rstiles said...

Only The Money Shot can put this Favre saga into perspective by using a hot chick, porno, and a threesome analogy...

Now I fully understand!