The Hump Day Hump

Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories, that aren't "full topic worthy", in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, the "Sex Cauldron? I thought that they closed that place down" Edition.

***Drunk chicks of N'Awlins beware - Jeremy Shockey (I loved it when he broke his leg last year) is heading to the Saints. I guess the Giants finally realized that they didn't need him anyway and actually got better by getting rid of his overrated ass. But, that being said, that is a really nice addition for the Saints. The WR's were suspect last year and they had no one to throw to down the middle (bring back Ernie Conwell!)...problem solved. Personally, I'm more excited about this because drunk Shockey pictures always surfaced when he was in NY, can you imagine the kind of pics that we will see of him on Bourbon Street? I would not be surprised to see him passed out on a sidewalk with a she-males cock in his mouth. I would call that funny. Shockey calls that Tuesday.

***Bad news for the Yankees and Ginger Yankee Fans - Eventhough he sucked all season and is a poster child for all GM's to not give major years to an old man, Jorge Posada was still a big part of the Yankees. Now rumors are swirling that his throwing shoulder is so fucked up that he may go the route of season-ending surgery. When you couple that with Matsui possibly not coming back either and sprinkle in the rotten offensive production of replacements, Jose Molina and Brett Gardner, it's amazing that this team is even over .500. But not all of the news out of The Bronx is bad...Yankee Stadium officials are once again allowing fans to bring sunscreen into the park! But only in bottles 3 ounces or less! Fuck you, dangerous UV rays. I guess too many people complained about the intense sunburns that they weren't allow to prevent inside the park. Normal people would tell these Yankees fans to go fuck themselves. I applaud them. I've gone weeks without seeing the sun. Now granted, I was chained up in that priest's basement, but I think it's all relative.

***Kirk Ferentz has always been an avid supporter of sexual abuse - This probably isn't going to help with Ferentz's squeaky clean image. Apparently, two former Hawkeye football players raped a girl a few years back. The girl addressed her concerns to anyone that would listen and she was asked to keep the incident on the down low. She even lived a few doors down from one of the attackers and was constantly called a whore by her dorm neighbors. Ouch. Man, that is some sick shit. This is something I would expect out of a Lou Holtz coached team, not from Ferentz. How can anyone try to cover up for a rapist? Winning games is important, but it isn't that importat. Rape is only funny/acceptable when it happens to bloggers and wild animals.



***I guarantee that you would see the girly flopping go away - I just read this and actually think it's a pretty awesome idea. An Italian soccer club was almost purchased this week but, at the last second, the police came in and broke it off. Why? Because the buyers were a Mafia family. You want Americans to pay attention to your sport? Bring in Tony Soprano and Paulie Walnuts to threaten the players if they don't win. Soccer could use some sexy scandal though. The NBA doesn't want rogue refs or point shaving, I think that the risk of a game being dirty would only help the MLS. But, I'm sure there would be some unfortunate occurrences...like when your goalie gives up a game-winner in overtime and is never heard from again. We don't need that. Well, I hate soccer, so if it takes the Mob to whack them all and rid the world of this awful sport, then I say bring it on. Hey, David Beckham, get outcha fuckin' shinebox.

***You just know that the fans will use Thunderstix - The team formerly known as the Seattle Sonics will now be known as the Oklahoma City Thunder. First of all, that is an awful name. Secondly, all teams should have their names end with an "s". Third, did I mention that that name is fucking retarded. What is their mascot/logo going to be? A sound? The word "BANG"? Angels bowling? There were plenty other acceptable, and still tasteful, options for the team's name. Personally, I liked the OKC 89ers. Anytime you can put a number in a team's nickname, it sounds cool. Or incorporate Jim Ross somehow. Or be called the Executors and have a picture of a dead Timothy McVeigh as their logo. I don't care. I'm pretty flexible on this.



***She may be a worse driver, but I think she might be hotter - By now we all have seen footage of the Danica Patrick/Milka Duno towel-throwing catfight this past weekend in OHIO(!). It's stupid. Chicks aren't tough and they should never act like they are. And they all suck at driving. The real superstar of this skirmish was the hotness of Duno. She's got kind of a Sofia Vergara thing going on and this blog likes that. I had never heard of her before but she's pretty hot for someone in her mid-30's. Not only would she kick Danica's ass in a cat fight, she also threw my catcher's mitt in her face! Take that, bitch. Enjoy the DNA! What were we talking about that wasn't totally disgusting again? Oh yeah, Milka needs to pose nude in like Cherry or Hustler or something with an amputee.

***Thank you for being a friend - Sad, sad news today as former Golden Girl, Estelle Getty, has passed away at the ripe old age of 84. That's somewhat bizarre considering that she looked 84 when that show was on the air. I was always told that although she played the oldest on the show, that she was actually younger than the other menopausers. That isn't true though, the saucy whore known as Rue McClanahan holds that honor. Rest In Peace, though, Estelle, we will never forget your Oscar snub in "Stop or My Mom Will Shoot"!

And with that, I'm done today. It's high time that I scour the interwebs for pictures of Bea Arthur bending over and taking it from Betty White.