Monday, July 07, 2008

The Fans Are Idiots

The All-Star rosters were revealed yesterday (as well as C.C. Sabathia's arteries crying due to the forthcoming steady diet of sausage and heavy cheeses). For the millionth year in a row, the fans have proven that they are dumbasses. Why would anyone vote for Soriano, Ichiro, and Fukudome this year when there are so many better and more deserving players out there to start in this event. We are supposed to be watching the best, right? This game still counts, correct?

Before I unveil my All-Star team (I forgot to mention that that is the basis of today's post), let me drop 3 ways to fix this so that this "exhibition game" that "means something" gives the fans the most deserving players.
1. No online voting. Fuck the Japanese and their ballot-stuffing ways.
2. The fans votes only help with the selection process. These people know nothing and shouldn't determine who starts.
3. Not every team gets a representative. You try telling me that the Mariners or Nationals deserve a rep this year. Good luck...I'm still waiting.

Here we go (Editor's note, Baseball Jesus just crushed a home run...I have a boner!):



American League Starters
C - Joe Mauer 4/37/.325 - easy, all the other catchers kind of blow
1B - Justin Morneau 12/65/.310 - not a great season, but better than everyone else
2B - Ian Kinsler 14/53/.328 - MVP-type season
SS - Derek Jeter 4/36/.282 - probably shouldn't start, but it's Yankee Stadium
3B - Alex "Baseball Jesus" Rodriguez 17/49/.320 - best player in baseball
OF - Josh Hamilton 19/83/.307 - must have some dynamite cocaine in the Dallas area
OF - Grady Sizemore 22/50/.266 - leading the AL in dingers and is one of the few bright spots on this awful team
OF - Milton Bradley 17/54/.320 - putting the crazy behind him
DH - Carlos Quentin 19/61/.273 - I don't buy these numbers at all but they can't be ignored

American League Reserves
C - A.J. Pierzynski 7/32/.299 - douche bag
1B - Jason Giambi's Mustache 18/53/.259 - not many people saw these power numbers coming
2B - Dustin Pedroia is gay 9/39/.313 - ugh
SS - Michael Young 7/46/.282 - if you want to start in the AL at SS, you should have better numbers than this
3B - Evan Longoria 15/50/.281 - ROY???
OF - Jermaine Dye 19/52/.308 - biggest snub, nice job Francona
OF - J.D. Drew 16/51/.304 - finally earning that money
OF - Carl Crawford 8/46/.285 - not his best season, but he's the best player on the best team
OF - Ichiro Suzuki 34 steals/.304 - weak season for him but he sneaks in as a reserve
OF - B.J. Upton 6/42/26 steals/.275 - turning into a superstar this year
OF - Manny Ramirez 16/53/.279 - these aren't Manny Ramirez numbers though



American League Pitchers
SP - Cliff Lee 11 wins, 2.26 - He still sucks
SP - Roy Halladay 10 wins, 2.88 - All the guy does is dominate year after year.
SP - Justin Duchscherer 9 wins, 1.96 - Who?
SP - Joe Saunders 12 wins, 3.04 - Should be the starter
SP - Ervin Santana 9 wins, 3.28 - Good to see that this young guy learned how to pitch
SP - Mike Mussina 11 wins, 3.64 - Deserves one last all-star appearance
RP - Mariano Rivera 23 saves, 1.17 - getting better every year
RP - Joe Nathan 24 saves, 1.26 - extremely consistent
RP - Joakim Soria 23 saves, 1.22 - you can't ignore those numbers
RP - Francisco Rodriguez 34 saves, 1.93 - Move over, Bobby Thigpen, your record is going down



National League Starters
C - Brian McCann 15/48/.298 - just barely better numbers than his backup on this team
1B - Lance Berkman 22/69/.350 - Tony Stewart lookalike is raking
2B - Chase Utley 24/67/.296 - MVP?
SS - Hanley Ramirez 21/43/.302 - flat out stud
3B - Chipper Jones 17/48/.385 - .400 is out of reach but it's still amazing
OF - Matt Holliday 13/49/.302 - last year was not a fluke
OF - Nate McLouth 15/53/.278 - got to give props to the Pirate
OF - Carlos Lee 19/66/.293 - way to overlook this season, Clint Hurdle
DH - Dan Uggla 23/58/.289 - these power numbers came out of nowhere

National League Reserves
C - Geovany Soto 14/51/.291 - you've got to respect what the rookie is doing
1B - Adrian Gonzalez 22/70/.284 - it's too bad that he's the only decent player on that team
1B - Derrek Lee 15/52/.302 - all he does is mash
1B - Albert Pujols 18/48/.351 - the most feared hitter in the game
2B - Brandon Phillips 14/56/.289 - good call on keeping Ramon Vazquez over him, Mark Shapiro
SS - Jose Reyes 29 steals/.294 - this guy is an asshole but whatever
3B - David Wright 16/66/.288 - RBI machine
OF - Ryan Braun 20/58/.279 - another guy proving that last year was no fluke
OF - Ryan Ludwick 16/57/.291 - NO ONE saw this kind of season coming from this guy
OF - Jason Bay 16/44/.285 - most likely to be the guy that doesn't get to play
OF - Corey Hart 14/53/.294 - I wear my sunglasses at night



National League Pitchers
SP - Tim Lincecum 10 wins, 2.49 - pictured, and looking fabulous!
SP - Dan Haren 8 wins, 2.83 - doesn't matter which league he pitches in, he owns it
SP - Cole Hamels 9 wins, 3.22 - bonafide ace
SP - Edinson Volquez 10 wins, 2.24 - great young arm but fix that hat!
SP - Brandon Webb 12 wins, 3.43 - ERA is a little high, but he's going to win 20
SP - Ben Sheets 10 wins, 2.77 - look what he does when he's healthy
RP - Kerry Wood 22 saves, 2.91 - see: Sheets, Ben
RP - Brad Lidge 19 saves, 0.77 - who reminded him that he has great stuff?
RP - Francisco Cordero 17 saves, 2.50 - stabilized the Reds 'pen
RP - Billy Wagner 19 saves, 1.85 - I really don't like him here but the NL has no good closers

What do you think? This should spark some debate. FYI, the last 4 that made the teams were Manny, Mussina, Wagner, and Jason Bay. I should let you know though, this blog is always right and you are always wrong. It's not a restaurant. No matter what you think, at least I wasn't dumb enough to take a catcher hitting under .220 (fuck you, Terry Francona).

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like how you say the fans are idiots, than you start Jeter because the game is in Yankee Statdium. What are you....Jeter's My Wish coordinator?

--Drew

jessegscott said...

I see you gave love for D.Lee I would have too but a tough position in the NL

You say No Soriano? Why? his numbers are still better than Matt Holidays and he's missed a lot of games. and Matt plays in inflated numbers Colorado. I see your point on Fukudome but sure not Soriano

again I will say it.. I know you have Soto in. But he is the Best Catcher in the NL

As for NL Pitchers.. Zambrano or Dempster. one or both deserve to be there, as much as any of the others.

You gave no love to Aramis! he was the right pick. having a very good year as usual.

J Beanie said...

I was going to make fun of you for the Jeter choice but I see Drew already said it as well as you can. Jeter's not an All-Star this year. Not in New York, not in Los Angeles, not in El Paso, not anywhere.

I'm surprised you give Grady credit. Your A-Rod boner must have carried over to the good looks of Grady.

Anonymous said...

If one goes by the name of "Baseball Jesus", he probably shouldn't be scared of what the home run derby does to his swing.

GMoney said...

Look, Irish, McCann has better numbers than Soto. It's close, but they are better. They take 12 pitchers, I only took 10...deal with it. Soriano has missed 6+ weeks at least, he shouldn't be there. I only took two players per position, Ramirez had no chance at third.

Drew and Beanie, then tell me, besides Michael Young, name one other SS having even a decent season??? Jeter's numbers aren't that bad compared to the other SS in the AL.

anonymous A-Rod hater, you can probably just go away and never come back. You must be Cynthia Rodriguez, your opinion doesn't matter. Go slob on Lenny Kravitz.

After I called out Sizemore a few weeks back, he really turned it around. You could consider that post to be like the Rachel Phelps cut-out from Major League. He's just peeling a section after each home run.

Tony B. said...

Even after your reply, I agree with jesse. G$, I know you the Cubs and their fans, but Soto should star at catcher and Dempster and Zambrano are clearly All-Stars based on the numbers. The one thing I do think you got right is that while I love Aramis, I'd take D. Lee over him if I was picking the team.

Where the hell did you get that pic of Lincecum? It looks like Sally Struthers is going to come out of the side of the screen and ask for us to donate 15 cents a day so he can eat.

GMoney said...

LOOK, McCann has better numbers than Soto...I LISTED THEM FOR YOU! I only took 10 pitchers, they take 12 for the real game.

J Beanie said...

SS in the AL suck. That's for sure. They are so bad, you could even make a case for Jhonny Peralta. Leads all SS in HR with 13. Has more RBI than Jeter (38 to 37) , more doubles (21 to 16), more total bases (141, 126) and better slugging (.446 to .385). Now, there's no way JP is an all star, I'm just saying the shortstops suck so bad Jeter's numbers aren't good enough to make it and Peralta has a case he should. Remember when SS in the AL was the strongest position?

Mac G said...

Where is your Washington National rep? Someone has to make it off their dump squad.

Anonymous said...

Why don't we just put the entire Cubs roster on damn team. The Cubs and their fans are insufferable. Have fun tanking either at the end of the season or in the playoffs. Go Brewers. I hope C.C. eats Fukudome.

-Damman