Thursday, June 05, 2008
In case you are new here, I'm quite the pessimist. "I hate more than I love" for you idiots out there that don't understand big words. Anyway, we're going to be doing a sporadic mini-series here where I list the people that I hate. Novel idea, huh? Well, fuck you, start your own blog that rules.
This is going to be an awful lot like Schindler's List except that it won't be nearly as funny and have much more gratuitous dick shots. We already went through my list of dispiccable baseball players. Today, I run off my list of basketball players that I loathe (Disclaimer, my Cavaliers bias is going to show here, deal with it. It's not like I'm watching them in the Finals this year so let me have my fun). It's a pretty extensive list even after I trimmed away the guys that I just dislike. Yes, I hate this many (48--just like the number of minutes in a regulation NBA game!) NBA players. I'm reserving myself to only one sentence per player to describe why I hate them. Because honestly, I could write a book on why I despise these guys. Let's get this started (in no particular order)...
Drew Gooden - I hated him even as a Cav, the dumbest player in the league.
James Posey - Hey dick, get a single-colored mouthpiece and quit playing dirty.
Paul Davis - I just hated this guy when he was at Sparty, he looks like a penis.
Paul Pierce - THE GUY FAKED AN INJURY LAST NIGHT TO COME OFF AS A HERO!
The Collins Twins - These sacks of twin shit make about 8 million a year and do nothing.
Josh Childress - Get a haircut, jerk, The White Shadow last aired over 25 years ago.
Dwyane Wade - He needed a wheelchair for a separated shoulder which still ranks #1 on the list of my all-time favorite NBA injuries!!!
Matt Carroll - White guy from Notre Dame...he isn't the last one on this list.
Ricky Davis - Mr. "Triple Double" might be the biggest loser in NBA history.
Jason Williams - If he was black like he thinks he is, he would be the worst black player in league history.
Larry Hughes - This marksman has never made a shot...I don't want to get started with my Larry hate.
Charlie Villanueva - They are called eyebrows, look into them.
Vince Carter - If you purposely suck to force a trade, you're kind of a teabagger.
Aaron Gray - What a stiff, he sucked at Pitt and he's going to suck at bagging groceries at Giant Eagle in 5 years, too.
Mark Madsen - How in the hell has this guy stayed in the league so long???
Tyrus Thomas - He's just a thug, he is going to be the new Rasheed of the league before too long.
Antoine Walker - Mr. Shoulder Shimmy will always be in the top 5 of least favorite people ever.
Andres Nocioni - Pussy ass bitch that doesn't get the credit he deserves for being a giant flopping machine.
Richard Jefferson - If I was black, I would call this douche an Uncle Tom (I'm white and I still call him that anyway).
Jerry Stackhouse - I don't know why, I guess I just hate his weird shaped head and deep knee bend on free throws.
Josh Boone - If there was one guy that looks like he should be in WNBA, it's this dyke.
Eduardo Najera - A Mexican with parted hair...fuck him.
Nate Robinson - Way too temperamental, I watched the Knicks at The Q a few years back and Nate took the first 9 shots of the game for NY...it was crazy.
Rasheed Wallace - Just your classic ball juggler who has not found a coach yet that he wouldn't quit on.
Troy Murphy - Just a faggot, in college I found his AOL screen name (TrainsND3) and would always IM him with "You suck" or a "You're gay" and he would RESPOND...I'm very mature.
Rip Hamilton - Hey jerk, you haven't broken your nose in like 5 years, take the fucking mask off already.
Hedo Turkoglu - I don't care how good his season was, this ugly fuck is not good.
Lindsey Hunter - I've shit out better talent than Hunter.
Pat Garrity - How is this dork still playing when he has no redeeming basketball skills at all?
Austin Croshere - If you're white and you like to show your prominent bald spot, you make this list anyday.
JJ Redick - This is based on his Duke days since he never even dresses anymore.
Steve Francis - Good job wasting all that talent with a piss-poor attitude, nut gobbler.
Eric Piatkowski - I used to be a big Clippers fan (seriously) back in the day and there was no one that I hated more than this former South Dakota Celebrity of the Year...I HATE Piatkowski.
Jeff Foster - What a tool...and he's a freaking starter in the league, GO PACERS!
Josh McRoberts/Shavlik Randolph - A Duke big white stiff special...where's Eric Meek to complete the trifecta?
Mikki Moore - Maybe he should have decapitated Sasha Pavlovic in the playoffs last year when he had the chance...
Carlos Boozer - Not only does he lie and rob blind guys, he also likes to devour babies.
Brent Barry - Just quit already, you lanky fuckstick.
Bruce Bowen - Maybe if he played dirty against people on this list I would enjoy his work a bit more.
Donyell Marshall - Even though I have his cell phone number and have left him drunk voicemails before, he can blow me.
Tony Parker - Get a jersey that fits, ya baguette-eating nancy boy.
Rasho Nesterovic - This inanimate carbon rod made around 7-8 million this year...and here I am as an unpaid blogger watching my ass get fatter.
Manu Ginobili - Come on, do I need to even say anything about Manu?
Matt Harpring - He looks like a guy that would try to block your shot during shoot arounds.
Fabricio Oberto - Oh, so you're an enforcer now...not buying it with that hair ring that you sport.
Brendan Haywood - 7 feet of pure goat shit.
Gilbert Arenas - I don't care if everyone else loves him and he's an entertaining blogger, the guy is as selfish as it gets and is overrated.
DeShawn Stevenson - Poor DeShawn...I'm going to enjoy watching him serve me a hangover breakfast at Denny's in a few short years.
Whew, as you can see, I hate white guys and foreigners. I'm a reverse racist. I'm fine with that. Poop smells.