Friday, June 20, 2008

Ending This Quasi-Week Off In Style



A couple of topics I'd like to hit on before I leave work early to head back to Napoleon for RibFest/River Bandits alumni game this weekend...

So the Yankees have re-signed Sir Sindey Ponson again...ugh. You know, I was all excited about the team now that they are on a winning streak and playing really well but this...this just sucks. I realize that he was actually pitching pretty well this season and the Rangers only released him because he was an asshole, but come on, Cashman! This is not what the team needs now. Ponson's first trip in the Bronx was just awful and he was cut after something like 3 starts. The pitching staff isn't that bad where Sid would be considered an upgrade, is it? This should also tell Indians fans that the Yanks trading for CC probably isn't going to happen. Cashman would rather keep digging in the scrap heap of crappy arms before trading prospects. I still think that Freddy Garcia would be a decent stopgap if he's healthy. And how the hell did Sidney Ponson get knighted anyway? What does it take to get knighted by whichever country owns Aruba anyway? Could a sexy blogger like me get knighted? I think that my blog is much more of an accomplishment than Ponson's MLB career. Ah, but I lack the cut-off black t-shirts that must have pushed Ponson over the top. Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, the Yankees are awesome and you know damn well that they are going to make the playoffs. Look at me, I went that entire rant without saying "we" or "us" while discussing my boys. I'm a terrific writer. Just for that, I'm going to get obliterated this weekend Northwest Ohio-style (that means you get drunk and run naked backwards through one of our many area cornfields).



I've been saying this to anyone that would listen to me over the past week: that could have easily been LeBron and the Cavaliers celebrating on Tuesday night. Damn. There are two teams that should feel jilted and angered about what happened in the NBA Finals, the Spurs and the Cavs. Had Ginobili been healthy, they run through the Lakers and the Celtics. Had the Cavs caught a break or two in Boston, there is no doubt in my mind that they beat the Pistons and Lakers. No doubt. No matter what you tell me, there is no doubt in my mind that the Cavs win the title. But that's all wishful thinking and me playing "coulda shoulda woulda". Back to the clincher, I am proud to say that I have not seen one piece of footage of the Celtics celebrating or any interview or a parade or anything. Obviously, I hate the city of Boston more than terrorism and low-fat mayo but something happened Tuesday night that angered up my blood like a Springfield sasparilla. Did you all see Paul fucking Pierce dump a mini jug of Gatorade on Doc Rivers? What the fuck was that? First of all, there was still 30 seconds left in the game. Secondly, this isn't football. Third, YOU DON'T PLAY ON GRASS, you fucking pin cushion for cutlery (get it, people like to place their knives inside of him!). I admit that as soon Red and I saw that I walked out of the bar before seeing the celebration. How long did it take to clean that mess up anyway? There was red Gatorade everywhere. Why would any man with any semblance of common sense do that? That is such a Boston thing to do when it comes down to it. You know, you do it not caring about the consequences or the effect that it might have on others, you just do something because you want to. Fuck you, Paul Pierce, I hope you were watching Tiger Woods this past weekend. That is how a grown man deals with an injury. Fuck it, Pierce is getting an impromptu Middle Finger this week. I hate him so much. I hope you blow out your knee in preseason next year...for real this time.

OK, I feel better. Much better than I will tomorrow when I have to step into a batter's box for the first time in 8 years. Wish me luck, my goal is to not strike out or get a sun burn. At least I know that I won't have to face another former Bandit alum, Chad Billingsley, he'll be too busy punching out Jhonny Peralta. See you all on Monday, I've actually brainstormed some pretty good future topics during my semi week off. And wish me luck for being stuck in a car with former commenter and present sperm dumpster, Damman, as well.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bachman, you really need to watch the post-game interview with Kevin Garnett and Michelle Tafoya. It is hilarious and he embarrassed himeself many times over. He's "certified" man.

-GSaul

J Beanie said...

Damman, do me a favor just fart the whole car ride please.

G$ - didn't you say just yesterday that you like the Ponson signing because the last time he was on the team they made the playoffs?

GMoney said...

Whoa, I never said that I liked the signing. But facts are facts, Ponson = playoffs.

Matt said...

Love me some low fat mayo.

Tony B. said...

Didn't realize Billingsley was from Defiance- no wonder you've been picking him to win Cy Young Awards every year.

Anonymous said...

It has to make your day to see that Curt Schilling might be done for good.

Drink some "beers" (there is no real beer in Ohio) for me.

-Burgei

rstiles said...

I agree that the Yanks should take a shot on Garcia

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