Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Hump Day Hump

Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories, that aren't "full topic worthy", in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, the "eventhough this picture is awesome and they left the MAC a while ago, my hatred for Marshall will always remain strong" Edition.

***Can't we just carve him up and eat him already - I'm still waiting to meet anyone that does not enjoy a discussion about horse injuries. I've been scouring the globe for years...still haven't found one. Triple Crown hopeful, Big Brown, is having some hoof issues apparently and everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting to see how this one plays out. I'm as compassionate toward animals as the next carnivore, but I don't want them taking over my sports coverage. I wish Big Brown the best of luck regarding his Triple Crown bid and all, but after the Belmont, I couldn't care less if he ends up in a soup at some orphanage. Hell, throw his jockey through the grinder with him, I don't care.

***Maybe heckling Phil will keep me interested - The PGA is coming to town this weekend and, much like last year, this blogger will be in attendance on Saturday. I have to admit, The Memorial is a damn fine time. It sucks that Tiger isn't coming but at least we got great news that Ernie Els was making a last minute dash to central Ohio. What? Oh, that isn't cool and isn't even close to equaling the awesomeness of watching Tiger play? Thought so. I don't know how I'm going to get escorted off of the premises this year like I was last year, but I'll think of something. Whatever I do will likely involve physical harm toward Phil The Phony...that you can count on. Maybe I could sucker-punch Jack, too...my life is an open book.

***He doesn't look like a pothead at all and his profession discourages that practice - It was only a matter of time. We all knew it was coming. Joakim "Jo-No" Noah was arrested with pot this past weekend. Now he joins the list of 15,000+ pro basketball players that were caught with drugs. But it's not his fault. He was toking as a tribute to all of America's fine soldiers from over the years. You know, for Memorial Day. Oh wait, Noah has pretty much expressed his contempt for this country in the past. So I guess he's just a stoner that may or may not play hacky-sack. Oh yeah, good luck, Bulls! Having a team featuring potheads worked out so well for the late 90's Trailblazers. Now it appears that Michael Beasley just may be the better pick based solely on need. Because Randall Pink Floyd here is going to get his ass suspended.

***I guess that NOW is the time to make that change - I didn't get this from the start. The Reds started the season with Corey Patterson as their CF while their best prospect was sent to AAA. I guess after Patterson was hitting in the negatives while the young, verile stud was hitting over 1.000 in Louisville, the Jay Bruce Era begins in Cincy. It's about fucking time. Now if they can just kill off the Adam Dunn and Kenneth Griffey Era's, they might start to resemble a major league team again. The Reds are just a terrible organization when it comes down to it. The kid was ready to play LAST YEAR yet near the end of Spring Training, Dut Baker brings in his old buddy, C-Patt, for 3 million. It's no wonder that Wayne Krivsky got fired. He allowed Ol' Dutbox to influence him. At least Cincinnati still has the Bengals!!! FYI, this Bruce kid is going to mash.

***When you think about it, no one really would have minded - The genius of Mr. Wonderlic himself, Vince Young, was on display again this week. In some interview with some magazine that promotes things that black people like and white people fear, VY admitted that he was close to retiring after his rookie season in the NFL. His reasoning was that it was too complex and that he wasn't having fun anymore. Ummm, Vince, try sitting in a fucking cube for over 40 hours a week...that ain't fucking fun either. You're making millions of dollars to play football and I'll be choking on my student loan payments for years, get over it. But then again, my career completion percentage of zero is only a few points away from VY's so maybe we should switch places. There, I'm saying it, I will give up my blog for Vince Young's job. And it would make a lot of sense because Vince's QB play has often been compared to my blogging skills. We put in our effort, pretty much half-ass it, and at the end of the day, we rip off our employer.

***This is no surprise to me, they once employed Steve Phillips - The awful story du jour this week is the Mets trials and tribulations with manager Willie Randolph. We have Gary Carter campaigning to be the manager, and Willie talking about how race is an issue and Keith Hernandez throwing in his two cents...blah, blah, blah. Cut out all the outside, bullshit jargon about the Mets. Willie Randolph needs to be fired immediately. They are something like 4 games under .500 over the past year. Race doesn't play a part in that. He fucking sucks at his job, yet still has one. What is going on New York and their recent black coaches anyway? Isiah, HERM!, Willie...all should have been gone one game into their tenures. Just hire Mr. Met already and keep playing mediocre baseball. At least the Mets organization is still paying tribute to Mike Utley.

***George Lucas is a butt-fucking sonofabitch - I'm not going to ruin anything about the new Indiana Jones. Don't worry, George Lucas will do that for me. That movie sucked. Thanks for shoving Shia LeBouf down our throats, ass. I half expected to see fucking Jar Jar Binks pop his head into a scene near the end. God, I hate George Lucas. How can someone who was so awesome in the 70's and 80's, responsible for some of the greatest movies ever, be a complete fucktard now? You should still see the movie, don't get me wrong, because there are some good parts, but don't get your hopes up. If you only see one movie this summer, I wouldn't recommend it. That title would go to Prince Caspian. That film was fucking great. I don't care how big of a tool it makes me to say it, it was fucking good. Enough about movies, I've got to head out for a perfect airport pick-up (remember, it's Tuesday night when I type this and you still don't care).

See you tomorrow...I have no idea what I'm going to write about. Maybe Kobe will rape someone again, that would help me out a lot. Or I could drop a deuce in my cube's trash can and wait for the Mexicans to come empty it and then write about their reaction. Too many choices...


Anonymous said...

Have fun at the Memorial. It doesn't appear that I will get ot make it this year. I have gone like the last 10 years in a row or so. I thought I heard Ernie is not going to play now? You might want to check.

Better take it easy on Phil!

All I know if the weather is hot, The chicks will be out in full force. And that means G-Money will probably cream himself about 12 times throught the day. LoL!

Have fun on Saturday.

GMoney said...

Big Ern initially said no then hopped on a plane yesterday to come and play this week.

It better not be hot because this blogger doesn't tan. I love my whiteness.

J Beanie said...

For the Memorial, just yell at Fred Couples, when he hits a bad drive, "it's OK Freddie, you should get another one!" It got me a mean remark from FC and during tournament time, I'm sure it can be worse. Either that or run up and give Phil a plate full of hot dogs. You know he'll be hungry.

Matt said...

I don't think I care about horse injuries - I certainly didn't care about Barbaro and barely know about any others - but maybe my commenting means otherwise.

I think the question that will come up here is whether it is cruel to race a potentially injured horse, knowing further injury could mean immense suffering (not death - he's too much of a stud to euthanize) when it's really to the owner and trainer's advantage for him to have a shot at winning. The callous response to that it's their investment and their risk if they take the chance.

Anonymous said...

Last year the guys I was with followed Vijay around. After every hole we waited outside the ropes where he would walk by and just started yelling, "Way to go Frank! Nice putt Frank!" right at him. By the fourth or fifth hole Vijay looked like eh was sure that we thought his name was Frank. Good times....


Anonymous said...

G$- Here is another picture to go along with your "Coke Head"...


Looks like Damman wrote in pretty late last night...I thought for sure he would rip on me for the catsup hotdog..what's with him taking my side?? It's not football season yet!

I have no arguments today.


Tony B. said...

If the Bulls don't take Rose I'm going to be pissed.

Noah smoking weed is about as much of a surprise as Richard Simmons being gay.

rstiles said...

Gmoney...you sound very angry today...maybe you need to take a good bowel movement like Zach?

Grumpy said...

Man, thanks again for the laughs. Hilarious stuff.

Anonymous said...

Good Reds post. I knew when they signed Corey Patterson this season was going to be disaster. I tried to be positive like dumbass fan that I am.

Jay Bruce should have started the season there. I know he is not going to go 3-3 all year but it would be better than the 200 k that is playing leftfield and the
.240 avg. with no pop playing right.