Wednesday, May 14, 2008
In case you are new here, I'm quite the pessimist. I hate more than I love for you idiots out there that don't understand big words. Anyway, we're going to be doing a sporadic mini-series here where I list the people that I hate. Novel idea, huh? Well, fuck you, start your own blog that rules.
This is going to be an awful lot like Schindler's List except that it won't be nearly as funny and have much more gratuitous dick shots. Today, I run off my list of baseball players that I loathe (Disclaimer, my Yankee bias is going to show here, deal with it. It's not like I'm going to be watching them in October this year so let me have my fun). It's a pretty extensive list even after I trimmed away the guys that I just dislike. Yes, I hate this many baseball players. I'm reserving myself to only one sentence per player to describe why I hate them. Because honestly, I could write a book on why I despise these guys. Let's get this started (in no particular order)...
Cal Ripken - He's just a great big phony who hurt his team by being selfish and was not deserving to be an almost unanimous hall of famer (go ahead and try to argue this with me).
Kenny Rogers - The Gambler acts like a moron on and off the field and has resulted to cheating.
The Giles Brothers - They've both sucked since Bud Selig took the juice out of baseball...coincidence???
Kevin Millar - My least favorite player ever; coined the dumbass phrase "Cowboy Up".
Justin Verlander - White Trash and proving this year that he's not an ace.
Omar Vizquel - I just laugh when people say that he's a hall of famer...no, he isn't and he always made routine plays look more difficult than they were.
Eric Byrnes - Look at me, I'm a punk-rocking baseball player; I listen to Avril Lavigne!!!
Gary Sheffield - The ultimate clubhouse cancer who enjoys running his mouth about his former teammates/coaches.
Arthur Rhodes - I didn't even know he was still in the league but my hatred still burns strong.
Curt Schilling - When you paint your sock red, you know that you suck balls...I'm sure that he'll show up today and comment again but I'll be quick to chase him away (he's also the worst blogger ever).
Luis Gonzalez - Game 7 of the 2001 World Series...nice rip.
Adam Kennedy - This guy, along with David Eckstein, looks like a dork who always tags along with bigger groups eventhough no one asked them to join.
Jason Varitek - The "Captain" has never been anything more than average and to give him that "C" is a fucking joke.
Darin Erstad - He looks like a shithead and he used to punt at Nebraska...easily hateable.
Eric Hinske - How this guy is still in the league with absolutely no skill at all is beyond me.
Dustin Pedroia - The face for the young wave of giant douche Red Sox players; I call him Goat Fucker.
Torii Hunter - I've always felt that he's the most overrated player in baseball; Web Gems don't make players great.
Frank Catalanotto - How is this scrub still in baseball, he looks like a gay pilot (I don't know what that means but I'm sticking with it).
Kevin Youkilis - Pushing Millar as my least favorite today, I find it funny that he thinks he's a tough guy (how tough are you on Yom Kippur, asshole).
Derek Lowe - You don't need to put an entire can of grease on your hair every time you pitch.
Gregg Zaun - Just one of those guys that's hung around the league for years that you know will write a tell-all book once he retires.
AJ Pierzynski - Do I even need to go into this? He's on everyone's list...including his parents'.
Andruw Jones - To me, this guy has always sucked and plays as if he doesn't really care.
John McDonald - A true grinder but looks like a guy that would size up his teammates in the shower.
Carlos Zambrano - The most immature player in baseball...it's called "bad breaks" and they are going to happen, deal with them.
Craig Counsell - He just looks like a giant penis; how is he still being paid to play at age 37 when he has never been decent?
Ronnie Belliard - If he can play, I know I can play; we have the same range in the field.
Jason Giambi - I've got 23+ million reasons why I hate this guy.
Paul Byrd - Byrd eats his and other people's boogers and has not admitted to taking HGH for professional gain...be a man, no one is buying the medical bullshit.
Pedro Martinez - I just don't know how anyone can like this guy; he's made a living out of head-hunting and hanging out with midgets.
Jhonny Peralta - Mr. Cheap Hit has hit about 3 balls hard in the last 2 seasons.
Jason Michaels - He looks more like a crappy professional wrestler than a baseball player; he will be night manager of a Denny's soon.
Grady Sizemore - Currently, an incredibly overrated "star" but in Ohio, no one will admit it. Guys named Grady should be running junkyards and not playing CF.
David Wright - Fucking pretty boy bitch.
Whew, that was long but I do feel better about myself. And in the end, that is the main goal of this blog...my self-esteem to rise to astronomical levels. Stay tuned in the coming weeks as I will be unleashing my anger at the football, basketball, and other sports players of the world. Did I leave anyone out or do you have someone that can go fuck themselves, let's talk in the comments.