Thursday, May 22, 2008
So I'm flipping through the channels the other night and stopped on STO's broadcast of another Indians loss, when I saw something that made me cringe more than a geriatric porno. In between innings, a commercial aired that shook me to the very core. Because, you know, there are many things that kids should fear these days with all the pedophiles running around trying to get into their tighty whities and whatnot. One thing that shouldn't be a concern for them is football. Well, you can forget about that. If you know a kid between the ages of 7 and 14 who plans on spending July 18-20 in North Olmsted, Ohio, you should immediately alert the authorities. Why, you ask?
The Old Spice Kellen Winslow Football Camp
You've got to be an extremely awful parent to send your son to this. Why not just take your son to a tattoo parlor and enlist him into our current President's military system while you're at it? It's not nearly as bad as wanting your kid to look up to "the soldier", it's much safer, and will result in a lot less crying.
Fortunately for us, I located a copy of day one's itinerary straight from the desk of Kellen Winslow, Jr.
9:30-9:45 - Stretching
9:45-10:00 - Instruction from camp instructors on how to scream at people
10:15-10:30 - More media relations, more focus on apologizing
10:30-11:00 - Selecting an agent and the art of holding out
11:00-11:30 - Motorcycle tricks
11:30-noon - Learn how to cheap shot an opponent when his back is turned
Noon-12:15 - A listing of good surgeons and rehab facilities
12:15-12:29 - Autographs and more wheelies
12:30 - Get these little fuckers out of my sight
Wow. I didn't think that Browns fans could get any dumber but you know damn well that that camp will be sold out. I feel for these kids, I really do. They have no idea what they're gettinginto and K2 will likely crush their little hopes and dreams of ever wanting to play football again. May God have mercy on the souls of these youngsters.
I'm out until Tuesday, enjoy the long ass weekend. UPDATE...fellow blogger and current assbutt, J-Beanie, hit a hole-in-one yesterday. Click here to read all about it.