Wednesday, April 30, 2008

An Ode To Buzz

In case you've been living under the proverbial blogging rock, Mainstream Media is back at it again. This time, Friday Night Lights author, Buzz Bissinger, made an ass out of himself on CostasNow Tuesday night. In what was supposed to be an open, civilized discussion with Deadspin creator, Will Leitch, about the impact of blogs, Bissinger instead just spewed cowardly stereotypes and displayed a massive ignorance on the topic. To see the video, check out Awful Announcing. To read Will's response to the verbal attack, check this out. Needless to say, it's still crystal clear that older journalists have no idea what the future of the media is and are terrified that they are being phased out.

So today, The Money Shot is honoring the man with a tribute to Buzz (if that IS your real name). If you want immature and slanderous, you came to the right place. You asked for it, Buzz.

"You see this guy right here? He's 45 minutes away from having his salad tossed. I know it. He knows it. But I'm still going to slide my thumb down the crack of his sweet ass anyway. You know, because I'm a firm believer in foreplay."

"Tony, I know that you've had twelve bottles of scotch already. But if I were you, I'm driving home tonight. And if I fall asleep behind the wheel then so be it. I've sucked my way out of a DUI before and I'll do it again."

"Someone get this dumb broad out of here, please. I was in the middle of explaining to this guy how blogs are the root of all evil. It is ruining newspapers! Fans shouldn't be allowed to express their opinions, dammit! That's the job of crotchety old sports writers who don't own any shirts without nacho cheese stains on them. How do you like my Chuck Klosterman-esque glasses by the way?"

"I swear to God, Billy Bob Thornton's cock was that thick. Seriously, he damn near broke my jaw. THAT THICK! You just don't see that kind of girth everyday...well, at least I don't. And I've been hunting for another cock like that for years now."

"I'm sick and tired of finishing second place in 'Old Woody Harrelson' lookalike contests. I'm going to win it this year. I don't care if I have to wear hemp pants and shit on millions of sports fans that enjoy publishing their opinions, I'm winning this year."

"Who is that? Is that Big Daddy Drew? Big Daddy Drew can suck my Big Daddy Balls. In fact, I think you're full of shit, BDD. I bet that you don't even own a podium. You couldn't carry my jock when it comes to writing. And I know that you couldn't carry Rick Reilly's jock...because I've been sniffing it for years. I will bare-knuckle slap fight you to keep it. Now watch me deep throat this microphone."

"Since this is the Arkansas Literary Festival, I'm going to read you all one of my favorite stories. It's a tale of good vs. evil and is much more objective and much less malicious than those smarmy blogs out there. Today, I'm going to read Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume. I only wish that I had Judy Blume-level talent."

"Look, dick, I signed your fucking book already. Now you have to live up to your end of the deal. So get your skinny ass under the table, put on this ball gag, and get ready for the toothiest blow job that you've ever received. And I know what you're thinking, 'aren't you a pro by now, why all the teeth?'. Well, that is simple, I'm addicted to blood and semen. Well, that and baby elephant feces."

Why these credited and world-reknowned journalists continue to fight the war that they can't win is beyond me. Hell, all you have to do is say one nice thing about bloggers and we will love you forever. When you don't, you are public enemy #1. For sitting on your ethical high horse and claiming that your writing is superior, you really do come off like an idiot when you try and pick fights with the fans. My opinions matter just as much as yours. My educational background has nothing to do with my desire to Jason Giambi castrated. This is America, you don't have to read my opinions and after Tuesday night's performance, I sure as hell am not going to read yours. Oh yeah, go fuck yourself, Buzz Bissinger.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Hump Day Hump

Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, the "I just watched a video on YouTube that featured a topless John Daly...and for once, I'm repulsed" Edition.

***There's an opening for a night manager at Kahoots now - Well, the worst employee that any company could ever hire (besides myself), Larry Brown, has been given another job. This time it is with the Bobcats and their clueless management team. Do they really think that he's going to be there for more than a year or two? I mean, it sounds good and all because the guy can coach, but let's face it, he's really old. Not Beano Cook old, but at his last gig he took time off due to hip problems. When Brown left the Knicks, I figured he was done. He had finally settled into his life of running crappy, non-nude "strip" clubs in Columbus (for those of you who are confused, we attended said establishment for a bachelor party a few years back and the big dog looked exactly like the coaching mercenary). I guess I was wrong. Hell of a steak that place makes though. Oh, and if you can't tell from the pic, Larry Brown thinks that Slayer rules.

***Be afraid, be very afraid, Dakota Fanning - I figured now would be a good time to talk about Roger Clemens' latest exploits. Honestly, there is almost nothing that could come out about this guy that would surprise me anymore. I mean, he's working a pretty impressive triple crown right now: Drug Abuse, Perjury, and Pedophilia. How do you top that? I'll tell you exactly how this story gets better...Brian McNamee is murdered but Clemens semen is on the body. Back to the 15 year old thing though, dear God, what the fuck is the matter with you, Rog? He had two kids with his wife at this point in his life yet he's out diddling the freshman. You just have to shake your head and laugh. Not even a good lawyer could get him off now which means that Rusty Hardin has absolutely no chance at all. Enjoy prison, Rocket.

***Even if they don't make the postseason, at least no one banged a minor - I know that it's early, but I'm starting to get the feeling that it's just not going to happen for the Yankees this season. The injuries are mounting up, the young kids are pitching like 8 year old girls, and our owner is one glass of scotch away from killing the general manager. They are at .500 now but they're doing it all with smoke and mirrors. The lineup tonight featured FOUR guys hitting .160 or less. Now Posada is out for awhile and who knows what's going on inside A-Rod's leg. The bullpen has been asked to do waaaaaay too much already. I'm not going to wave the white towel yet but I'm just saying, it doesn't look promising. Please don't give me your white trash Tigers rhetoric after one freaking game, please. Save if for Friday after we get swept.

***Hey, from down there does it look like I'm talking into a bunch of robot penises? - David Stern is completely confusing the shit out of me this year. Last year, we all remember how he fucked over the Suns/Spurs series by suspending two Suns for walking onto the court during a brouhaha. Now, apparently you can do that and more! Let me get this straight: when Zaza Pachulia made KG look like a total bitch the other night (that was the non-Cavs highlight of the playoffs for me), and Kedrick Perkins and Marvin Williams stepped onto the court, that was OK? But it wasn't last season? Jason Kidd grabs Jannero Pargo by the neck and slams him to the ground, Brendan Haywood bodychecks the King, and DeShawn Stevenson closed fists Bron yet none of that warrants a suspension? Fuck you, David Stern. For a lawyer, you should be better than that.

***Speaking of lawyers, West Virginia doesn't have any that read - I found this really odd and at the same time troubling. We all know that DickieRod is fighting Dub-V over the buyout money that he doesn't want to pay back to the school. Now yesterday I heard that former WV and current Michigan hoops coach, John Bielein, is trying the same thing. Do these idiots know what the word "buyout" even means??? It protects schools financially from coaches leaving whenever they want to. Man, I always knew that they bred and raised morons in that state, I just didn't realize how stupid they were.

***You're drinking Homer-hol, I'll have a swig - I know that you all come here because of the in-depth auto racing coverage and I aim to please. This story gave me a solid chuckle. Kevin Harvick Inc. Racing is now instituting random drug testing to everyone associated with the team. Sounds like a good idea, right? Of course it does, who wants a meth-head changing their tire? This decision comes on the heels of Harvick driver, Aaron Fike, testing positive for heroin. HAHAHAHA!!! Classic. Let this be a lesson, kids, beer and keys are OK. But needles and an ignition is a huge no-no. Can anyone help me on this, normally heroin is used by rockers and not athletes. Is this the first heroin/athlete (and I use that lightly) case in American sport???

***This has Bad Idea Jeans written all over it - I don't watch any late night talk shows anymore. I don't know why exactly, I just have no desire I guess. But in college, I was a huge Conan O'Brien fan. Triumph, In The Year 2000, Preparation H Raymond, The Masturbating was all hilarious. We all know that Conan is taking over for Leno next year and it looks as if NBC is going to be filling Conan's old slot with...Jimmy Fallon??? That's just fucking terrible. Half the show is going to be him laughing at his own unfunny jokes. I don't think that Jimmy Fallon has ever made me laugh--wait--after the Red Sox won the Series in 2004 and I noticed him on the field celebrating, that was funny. That show is destined to bomb with him as host.

Alright, all, the boss is out for the rest of the week so you know that means...NO PANTS THURSDAY AND FRIDAY!!!

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Middle Finger: Washington Wizards

You know, there are certain things in life that you just don't do. You don't dare OJ Simpson to kill your wife. You don't bet Mike Tyson that he won't eat your kids. You don't introduce your 15 year old daughter to Roger Clemens. You never start up a reality show and expect Barry Williams not to show up on the set. And you never talk smack about LeBron James. Especially when he doesn't even acknowledge you as a formidable competitor and your playoff track record is about as successful as the last century of baseball for the Chicago Cubs. But enough is enough. This was already getting old and now it's just pathetic. What's wrong with just being a professional? Why the need to be a massive douche that the public will surely hate? How can a person be so dumb? This one was easy.

This week's Middle Finger goes to the thug squad known as the Washington Wizards.

OK, we all know that I'm a big fan of the Cavaliers. But I'm going to try to set that aside today just to focus on how big of a joke the Wiz are. If you haven't been able to tell, Eddie Jordan has no control over the team. Why there hasn't been a team-wide gag order enforced is something that I want to know. Because every single time there is a microphone in front of their faces, they embarrass themselves, the team, the league, and the sport.

I'm not going to talk about the rap analogies, either. We've all heard about it. Hell, Mike Tirico even explained the comparisons on Sunday (which was great because he asked Hubie Brown for his thoughts and his remark was about how he loved jazz music). To sum things up though: LeBron James is Jay-Z, DeShawn Stevenson is Soulja Boy, and I would guess that Brendan Haywood would be Skee-Lo. You know, because he wishes that he was a baller. He wishes that he had a girl who looked good, he would call her.

But let's just go down my list for reasons as to why the Wizards are an ungodly hateable team. It isn't hard, but let's look anyway. Seriously, outside of DC, there is no way that anyone could root for this team. They have almost no redeemable qualities. This truly is a Who's Who of human crap. Shall we...

Gilbert Arenas - He enjoys giving himself nicknames which is about the most pathetic thing a man can do other than watching a Hugh Grant movie. He thinks he's a superstar (just ask him) even though he repeatedly chokes in big spots.

Caron Butler - His nickname is "Tough Juice". I don't even know what that could possibly mean. It may have something to do with his 15 arrests before he turned 15 years old. I don't know though, afterall, I've never been arrested even once. It hasn't been that hard, Caron.

Antonio Daniels - Played his college ball at Bowling Green and we all hate them...especially Dut.

Brendan Haywood - Apparently, someone has been giving him some horrible advice. For some unknown reason, he has turned into a dirty scumbag this postseason. My evidence is the ejection in game 2 and his screaming shit everytime he scores. And then there is the great quote from yesterday:
"Awww," Haywood said, in a whiny, high-pitched voice to mock James. "They are trying to hurt me. I mean come on man, this is the playoffs," Haywood said following Monday's practice. "He wears 23, he wants to be Michael Jordan, I can respect that, he's a great player. You saw what Mike went through. Mike got fouled way worse than this. No one is trying to hurt him, everybody is trying to play basketball, trying to play tough. Play basketball and leave it alone."
Are you fucking serious, Brendan? YOU are calling the best player in basketball a baby? Have you not learned anything from the first 4 games? When you run your mouth about LeBron James, he has a tendency to stick those words up your ass. It's funny that he's calling The King a bitch considering that he (Haywood) is one of the worst players in basketball and the only good thing that the announcers say about him is that he's improved his free-throw shooting. This just in, you ARE trying to hurt him. YOU personally tried to hurt him in game 2 with that double forearm shiver into the cameramen. We've all seen it, you fuck! You aren't playing basketball, Brendan Haywood, you are trying to be the next Rick Mahorn. The problem is, Rick Mahorn was actually useful.

DeShawn Stevenson - Ah yes, Soulja Boy. He has moved into the #1 slot on my least favorite athlete list (and it's a long list so you know he's doing something right). It's cute when he does that "I can't feel my face" schtick...well, it was cute...5 years ago when John Cena was doing it. You're ripping off a pro wrestler, you dick. And what the hell does "I can't feel my face" mean? I'm not up to speed on the current trendy lingo, is that phrase popular? Anyway, you can see it in his eyes that he wants to hurt somebody and that shit is dangerous. His "attempt" at the ball in game 4 when he ended up hitting Bron in the face was a fucking joke. I even read in a pro-Wizards blog yesterday that even if game 5 is going the Cavs way, that the Wiz are secretly afraid that Stevenson will do something dangerous to LeBron to "even the score". The NBA: Where Shitty Players Intentionally Try To Harm The League Happens. I'm sure David Stern would love to deal with that situation if it were to unfold like that; the face of the league being injured by a guy that should be in prison sharing a cell with The Duke from Major League.

How can you not hate these guys. They are nothing more than thugs. I really do think that they would rather hurt someone on the Cavaliers than win this series. The only players that show any emotion and desire about actually playing team basketball are Butler and Jamison. It's just too bad that the other egos on the team are rotting them from the inside. It is humorous that they are trying to start a rivalry though. The problem with that is that one team has to actually win to make a rivalry.

So enjoy your Middle Finger, Washington Wizards, and enjoy your last game of the season tomorrow. I will be happy to see you guys go away. It's one thing to be physical. It's a completely different story to try and become a reincarnation of the Bad Boys. You know, because the Bad Boys actually got out of the first round.

Go home, assbutts, your playoff stay was not short enough.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Winners and Losers From The Draft

Oh, it's been way too long since The Money Shot has blogged about the NFL. That streak ends today. I've watched about 95% of the Draft coverage over the last two days (I had to ump and missed the first 7 picks and also squeezed in a shower along the way) so I think I'm more than qualified to break it down. Much like every year, we had winners and we had losers. Some of the usual losers surprised everyone with their brilliant draftmanship (pictured below) while some of the consistent winners struggled. Here they are, my list of winners and losers:

Winner - HERM!
It almost hurts to type that but the Chiefs were fucking phenomenal with their selections. Their first 3 picks are immediate starters. Dorsey, Albert, and Flowers are all potential pro bowlers. Well, until you remember who their coach is. But for now, I say kudos to HERM! for a wonderful draft. And I can't wait for the day that he retires/no one will hire him and we can get him on the Coors Light commercials. I'll see you at the top, buddy!

Loser - Tennessee
When will the Titans' brass realize that they keep surrounding Vince Young with a buffet of shit sandwiches? They have no good WR's and everyone knows it but they pull a fast one on all of us and take a 3rd string RB. Job well done, Mustache Fisher. Kevin Dyson ain't walking through that door. Frank Wycheck ain't walking through that door either. Get him some help so we know if VY can be a winning QB.

Winner - Cleveland
Look at their first 3 picks: Brady Quinn, Corey Williams, and Big Baby Shaun Rogers...that's a pretty good haul. It's probably better that they didn't have any high picks with the crappy track record that they have. Now if their backup QB would stop flexing over 80's rockers whilst shoving his boner into said rocker's ribs and start focusing on being the franchise player that he is supposed to be, the Browns would be much better off.

Loser - Cincinnati
They were lucky that Keith Rivers fell to them so I don't give them any credit for that pick. They passed on Kelly, DeSean Jackson, AND Limas Sweed to draft some weirdo from Coastal Carolina. Nice scouting there. Yep, the Bengals proved that they still are the most poorly run franchise in the NFL.

Winner - Washington
My Redskins had a shockingly awesome draft this year. The offense should be incredibly dynamic for many years to come now that Devin Thomas, Fred Davis, and Malcolm Kelly are all in the fold (all second rounders by the way, how about THAT for value!). When you can get the two most talented WR's in the draft outside of the first round, you made some good moves. I give Gentleman Jim Zorn an A for his first draft (although he probably should have gotten more depth on the D-Line). J-Camp and/or The Golden Arm Of Todd Collins are going to enjoy this offense. But you know who is the biggest benefactor of the Redskins' fantastic draft? This blogger, who is already planning his trip to follow his team to the Super Bowl this year.

Loser - Detroit
Matt Millen just doesn't get it. Now, I just discussed this very topic with known commenter and Lions honk, Drew, and he said that he's happy with the Lions picks. I say that the Lions have broken his spirit and he just doesn't have any common sense anymore. His standards are completely shot. He's just happy that the players drafted are still alive. Gosder Cherilus sucks and they passed on Jeff Otah for that reach pick. Who the hell drafts a right tackle in the first round anyway???

Winner - Pittsburgh
They probably could have used their picks to beef up their lines but you can't hate their decisions. In fact, you have to love how they drafted. Rashard Mendenhall and Willie Parker are a scary 1-2 punch out of the backfield. Limas Sweed fills the role (finally) that Plax Burress left as the big red zone target for Large Benjamin. The Steelers ain't going anywhere. Talk all you want to, Browns fans, about a changing of the guard atop the AFC North, but I'll believe it when I see it. The Stillers are still the class of the division.

Loser - Baltimore
I don't get this. The ESPN wonks all love their draft but I absolutely hate it. No one was going to take Joe Flacco in the first round yet they trade up to 18 for him? They could have had him at 32 and saved a few picks. And Ray Rice? I'm sorry but I don't like running backs that had 8,000 carries in college to have much of a shelf-life in the League. I guess they aren't too big of losers though, they did fire Brian Billick.

Winner - Dallas
I hate it. They draft well every single fucking year. Felix Jones and Mike Jenkins are immediate impact players. But they didn't address their most glaring need...someone to remove the hands around their QB's neck in a playoff game. It was funny to peek in on the Cowboys war room and see Wade Phillips wearing a suit. Best laugh of the weekend. Wade!

Loser - Houston
They reached for that tackle from Va Tech when he wasn't even close to being a first round pick. Some people thought they were on the cusp of the playoffs...they were wrong. But at least they still get to pound their chests about Mario Williams being a great pick, right?

Winner - Mel Kiper, Jr.
He's still the man. He eats pumpkin pie every morning, too. True story.

Loser - Everyone else on the ESPN set
Chris Berman referred to the guy as Jerrod "Hold The" Mayo. Fucking terrible. I didn't hear any Hall and Oates references though.
Chris Mortensen kept talking when he wasn't supposed to.
Keyshawn had on a horrific pink tie.
Steve Young is still a moron and is football's version of Steve Phillips.
Herbstreit seemed out of place and added nothing.
Jaws was still breaking down tape or as I like to call it, things that no fan cares about. Wow, he beat the safety in 2 Deep coverage??? Amazing! Jaws also kept harping about how every QB can be a superstar in this league. Guess what, all of these QB's are terrible.
Cris Carter said that Harry Douglas was better than Wes Welker. Seriously???
The Bristol set on Day 2 with Tony Reali was about as pointless as DeShawn Stevenson trying to stop Lebron James. This just in, WOMEN KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL. Get the chick in the light blue shirt the fuck out of there. And tell Stat Boy that he sucks at life.
Trey Wingo looks like a rapist.

ESPN really sucked this year as far as their coverage went. If I had the NFL Network, I would have watched that instead. We missed about 5 picks because they were at commercial and that is fucking inexcusable. Get your shit together, you know, because the NFL Draft is kind of a big deal. I'm out...I hope I dream about Kiper's Todd McShay Death Stare tonight.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Bored With Boren

Wow, that picture/autograph says it all.

In case you don't live in Ohio or Michigan and don't care about this regional rivalry, recently, the Wolverines starting center from this past season, Justin Boren, left the program. His reasoning was a dumbfounding "erosion of family values" in Ann Arbor. First of all, what the hell does that mean? Second, if you are a so-called "hog molly", shouldn't you be a bit tougher than that? College football is a business first, idiot, and you should not forget that. If you can't handle the pressures of success, then maybe the chess club is looking for a new 300 pounder.

Anyway, Boren enrolled at Ohio State this week which makes him the first starter ever to transfer from the rival up north to the rival down south (may not be true but I think it is). He has to sit out this year due to transfer rules but it should be interesting when he suits up next season. You know, because he won't even see the field for Tressel and will realize that he made a massive mistake.

This kid is a pussy. There, I said it. Clearly, he can't handle change and will never realize his athletic potential because he is a coddled little bitch between the ears. You aren't entitled to anything, Justin. Things don't always go your way. But it's the successful, like me with this blog, that adjust and persevere. I just don't get it. You're a starter on one of the best programs in the world that is known for producing NFL offensive lineman, yet you walk away because your father figure former coach leaves and you feel unappreciated. He's like the kid that blames himself for his parent's divorce.

I don't think Buckeye fans are pounding their chests about this though (which is surprising). Sure, they are happy about Michigan losing their center, but they don't really care. The Buckeyes don't need/want Michigan's trash...but they'll take him. And the few of you OSU fans that are jacked about this, just remember that you all called Mitch Mustain a pussy (which he is) last year around this time. This is no different. Mustain and Boren are the same type of athletes. They are spoiled brats that were used to getting their way, were approached with somewhat of a challenge, couldn't handle it, cried to their parents, and then walked away. Which is pretty much the motto for America these days...

Good riddance...they both fucking suck. Have a nice weekend ya'll. Enjoy the Draft, NBA playoffs, Yanks/Tribe, car racin', and 24 hour CNN coverage of the homicidal blogger.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Defending The Flop

I was listening to Mike and Mike on my way to work Tuesday morning and Greenberg went on a rather large tangent about flopping. Apparently, a "flop" by Andrei Kirilenko in the closing minutes of game two helped Utah steal another win in Houston and got the Jazz up 2-0. Mr. Duel was livid about the flailing and that the NBA should step in and do something about it. His proposal: to whistle the play dead once the flop has occurred and assess the flopper with a technical foul. Mike Greenberg, you are an idiot. And anyone that agrees with his idea is also an idiot. Allow me to explain...

Look, I don't like it when people do it either. When you see Manu Ginobili go from single-handedly dominating his opponent for large stretches of games to him getting breathed on and flying into the fourth row, it's embarrassing. A great basketball player shouldn't be doing those things because they lose all credibility. We shouldn't be talking about how he overacts to sell fouls. We should be talking about how he's unstoppable off the dribble. He's only doing what it takes, within the rules of the league, to try and win games. I will agree, it sucks and it should piss you off, but it's legal and any attempt to make it illegal on the court would be injust.

Now, if the NBA decides to start cracking down on the acting, the first thing that we need is a clear definition of the rule for the rule book. I ask you, how do you define a "flop"? Put it into words for me that are clear, concise, and definitive. You can't just hand me a "Best of Varejao" videotape. You have to explain it. The problem is, you can't. A flop can not be defined. Because the eyes can deceive, you can't tell within a split second, a player's intent. It's impossible.

If you haven't noticed, most of the great floppers in the NBA are foreign guys. I don't think I'm being racist here, maybe I am, I don't give a shit though because it's true. Look at the role models they had when they were growing players. You may not have heard of this sport since you live in America, but futbol players make Hedo Turkoglu look like John Wayne. So it's not their fault, it's the environment that they grew up in (ending pro-flopper sentiment).

But back to hoops. Yes, they tend to act like they were shot when they were just barely nudged, but most of the time, there is some sort of a push-off. And the great players understand that sometimes you need to sell the call. I think the problem that most of us have with flopping is not the actual dive that they take, but the over-sell that the flopper conveys. Right? If these guys didn't wildly throw their arms in the air and yell "AHHHHH", would it be that big of a deal? If people would just stop doing that, it basically boils down to guys trying to draw a charge. Yet some feel that a T should be given for that...

Back to Greenberg's suggestion though, he wants referees to start making judgment decisions on the fly based on whether or not he/she thinks that a player should not have fallen down and screamed? What if the guy trying to take a charge loses his balance in a game 7? What if he trips over someone's foot? What if, in the heat of the moment, misremembers how to properly fall and it looks awkward? You want a technical foul assessed for that? That's bullshit. Referees have enough to worry about, you know, with the 10 athletic freaks of nature running up and down the court banging for 48 minutes. Judging the "real" intentions of a guy falling on his back shouldn't be added to the equation.

I honestly feel that they've gotten better at not rewarding flopping recently. Hell, Anderson Varejao's "charge" total was quite low this season (I know that he held out and was hurt, it was still low). So let's not get all crazy here. Referees aren't stupid. Yes, they may call charges on a few blatant flops here and there, but it's not like it happens every other possession. And most of these floppers have reputations around the league now and they aren't getting as many calls. So, Mike Greenberg, focus more on keeping your DSL's moist for when you get the chance to blow Chad Pennington and leave NBA rule changes alone. There are many more injustices that need corrected before that. Case in point...

The "Hack-A-Shaq". How is this remotely fair? The last two games, in the 4th quarter, the Suns are walking the ball up the court with Shaq lumbering along and right when he crosses center court, Brent Barry is there to grab him and get a foul called. WTF??? If Shaq isn't in the paint or doesn't have the ball, yet the Spurs wrap him up for a foul, how is that not an intentional foul!!! They aren't making a play on the ball or defending an entry pass or anything! They're just raping him 40 feet from the basket. It's disgusting really and a total bush league move from the champs and Coach PitFace. Every time that they do that, they should get a Flagrant 1 foul for being little bitches. If you're going to be the champs, you should at least act like it. You shouldn't have to resort to rule book loopholes to defend your title.

Now THAT is a rule that needs to be changed to preserve the sanctity of the sport. Because it is a fucking embarrassment that teams can get away with that. Basically, what today's discussion boils down to is that the art of flopping takes all the heat as a true evil in the sport of basketball. In all actuality, it's not that bad and there are bigger issues to fix first.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Hump Day Hump

Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, the "He thinks he's the Pope of Chili-Town" Edition.

***Reason #5,896 why Dan Snyder is a terrible owner - I admit it, he sucked me in. I was of the belief than Dan Snyder had changed his ways and was on the path to becoming a responsible owner in the NFL. I was wrong. But who do I have to thank for rejecting him? The Cincinnati Bengals AKA one of the two organizations dumber than the Redskins. Everyone knows that the Redskins need a WR, but really, Chad Johnson??? I'd rather exhume the corpse of Herman Moore than add that clubhouse cancer. Now, on the surface, if the Skins were going to use the 21st pick to take a WR, then I would be all for trading it for a proven, top flight WR. But once you figure in the performance-based chance that you would also include another first rounder next year? That's way too much to give up for a shithead. I mean Dallas is only offering a 6th rounder for a CB shithead, why would you give up 2 first rounders for the king of all dicks who thinks he's much better than he really is. I guess it worked out OK but I don't like hearing things like this coming out of the supposed new regime in DC. I may as well mention it again, fuck Chad Johnson. Good for Marvin Lewis, too. No, not for being a horrible football coach, but telling 85 to be a man of his word and sit out if he wants to. I like it. By the way, this is like the 5th week in a row that I've mentioned how much I hate the "Future Hall of Famer". He's starting to rival Derek Anderson as the focus of my football-related hate. For as much as I despise Snyder, though, at the end of the day I can still sit back and say "at least he's not Hank Steinbrenner".

***Well, the OCP Mock Draft got at least one pick right - One of my biggest pet peeves with the NFL Draft, actually it might be the only one, is when the team with the first pick announces that they've signed their choice before they are even on the clock. It's happened again. The Dolphins have apparently agreed in terms with Mount Jake Long to anchor their O-Line for the next decade. (HOLY SHIT! JASON GIAMBI JUST HOMERED!) This is probably the safest pick for the massively rebuilding fish. You have to think that Big Tuna wanted to go defense but the chance at bust was much greater there than with Jake Long. Kudos to you, Mr. Long, you decided to stay at UM for your Senior year so you could beat Ohio State, win a national title, and spend your career blocking for John Beck. Dreams really do come true!

***Why don't you just stay in your office and play Solitaire - Great story coming from the always hilarious Knicks organization: Isiah Thomas, still employed for some unknown reason, has been told not to speak to any of the players anymore. New GM Donnie Walsh doesn't want Zeke to influence/corrupt the guys any longer. Ummm, OK, if you look at the Knicks record the last two years, the one thing the team hasn't had an issue with is ignoring their coach. Basically, the Knicks are Initech, Walsh is Bill Lumberg, and Isiah is Milton. The only problem is that Zeke already blew up the company but he's still showing up to work. Clearly, Walsh needs to "fix the glitch". But this would all go away if they would just give Zeke back his stapler.

***I will shit on an entire city but not suspend a dirty thug - Complete bullshit. David Stern took time out of his busy day of dropping Taco Bell diarrhea on the entire city of Seattle to ignore Brendan Haywood's attempt on Our King's life and failed to suspend him for it. Hmmmm, it was obvious that he wasn't go for the ball and shoved a defenseless player into the cameramen. THAT doesn't warrant a one game suspension but Amare and Boris Diaw taking 3 steps on the court does??? Yeah, the NBA is fair. So I'm asking for Diggity Duane Jones to check himself in during the first quarter tomorrow and go all Last Boy Scout on Antawn Jamison. You know, run down the court, pull out a gun, and shoot him in the face. Worse comes to worse, he gets a flagrant two foul and sits for a game. Eye for an eye, bitch, eye for a fucking eye. Seriously though, if you can't see how much the Cavs and Wizards absolutely HATE each other, than obviously you don't read this blog enough because you have no idea what true hate really is.

***His batting average exchange rate was just not very good - It's time to weigh in on The Big Hurt fiasco. I actually side on behalf of the Blue Jays on this and wish that more teams would do this. If you suck, we're not going to keep sending you up to bat because of the money you make. Just go away and don't let the door hit you on the way out. Other teams should take this model of general managemanship; the Yankees should cut Giambi, the Tigers with Sheff, the Mets with Delgado, the Mariners with Sexson, etc. Just pay them and get them the hell out. You know what, I miss Barry. I would take him over Giambi anyday. We need Barry back in our lives. Baseball was more interesting with him around.

***So that must be Florida State's offseason workout program - I made light earlier as far as reasons why Dan Snyder is a moron, we can also say that this is reason #10,432 as to why Bobby Bowden needs to retire. WR Preston Parker was arrested this weekend for drugs and guns. This has to be the 50th arrest for a Seminoles player this offseason alone. Does Bobby Bowden even know who his players are anymore? Does he have any team rules? Does he wear Oops, I Crapped My Pants? These are the things we need to know. Because it's becoming painfully obvious that when you sign your letter of intent with the 'Noles, you're handed an 8 Ball and .45 and told to have a good time. And if you want to, stop by a practice, but that isn't your first priority as a Florida State football player, committing felonies is.

***Hill-Rod vs. Barry-O with special guest referee, Johnny Mac - Yes, I watched Monday Night Raw the other night just to see if the rumors were true. And yes, they were. Hill-Dog, Barack, and McCain all showed up for taped interviews to appeal to the vast voting demographic of pro-wrestling fans and the results were hysterical. Hillary said she would drop "The People's Elbow" if necessary, Barack chimed in with an "If you smell what Barack is cookin'" which was actually quite funny, and Old Man River stumbled his way through an "and that's the bottom line because John McCain said so". It was so bad, it was good. I had no idea that the Pennsylvania primary was SO important that these candidates would need to degrade themselves on a staged TV show that was live from South Carolina (not Pa.)...what do I know though, desperate times call for figure four leg locks.

And with that I'm out. I think that this Hump was a bit more joke-y than usual. Back tomorrow with some full frontal blogger nudity.

Monday, April 21, 2008

The Middle Finger: Hank Steinbrenner Part Deux


If you had "20 Games" in your When Will Boy Wonder Start Shooting Off At The Mouth Pool, you win! Take it away, Stable Boy:

I want him as a starter and so does everyone else, including him, and that is what we are working toward and we need him there now. There is no question about it, you don't have a guy with a 100-mile-per-hour fastball and keep him as a setup guy. You just don't do that. You have to be an idiot to do that. The starting rotation is not what I would have chosen at the beginning of the year, but that is not a big news flash to anyone.

Ladies and Gentleman, our first two-time "winner" of the Middle Finger, Mr. Hank Steinbrenner!!!

Ah yes, even though everyone is already banged up, they haven't had an off day since Vietnam (before yesterday), and IT'S STILL EARLY, Hammerin' Hank is pissed. He's had it up to his bulldog cheeks with this team. It's time for change, dammit. Who cares if it means that our best pitcher would have to go to the minors for a month? Who cares if it leaves a glaring, gigantic, Paris Hilton vagina-sized hole in the bullpen? Who gives a fuck if it ensures more late-inning losses than a relief staff anchored by Eric Gagne and Joe Borowski with a little playoff-version of Brad Lidge sprinkled in? For fuck's sake, we need a change!

I officially hate Hank Steinbrenner. I initially thought that it would be quite amusing to see him run the Yankees. Yeah, I was wrong...more like BEmusing (I'm hilarious!). This former stable jockey now clearly believes that he should have all the power and should be making all personnel decisions. And where are these thoughts coming from, really? Does he really believe that he's the smartest guy in any room that he walks into? You know, for a guy who has gone on record stating that his favorite actress is Jennifer Love Hewitt, I'm surprised that he's still allowed to cross the street without holding an adult's hand. And I'm pretty sure that he knows nothing about talent evaluation, but maybe I'm selling Boy Wonder short.

Now let's examine his claim as far as the on-field implications go. Joba Chamberlain is arguably the best set-up man in baseball. He's the only pitcher that I trust to get the ball to Mariano. Eventually, he will be a front of the rotation starter. But not now. Not this year. Once Brian Cashman and Unfrozen Caveman Manager made the choice to keep him in the bullpen this year, that's it, it's done. He's got to stay there all season. There can be no hindsight in this circumstance. No what if's. No we should have's. None of that shit. It doesn't help anything.

Because, you see, here is the problem. You can't just take a set-up man, sit him for a few days, and then say, "Hey, Joba, you're starting today and we're counting on 7 innings or 100 pitches...good luck." You can't do that. Not even terrible manager hall of famers Eric Wedge and Bob Brenly would do that. You can't do that especially to a young kid that you want to be dominant for the next decade. Thus, to make that move work, he has to go to Scranton to stretch out his arm. He's in the minors for at least 5 starts. That is a full freaking month with your most dominating pitcher striking out International League hitters. It's not plausible.

In the situation that the Yankees are in now, Joba can help them win every other day...maybe 4 times a week. Handjob Hank would prefer it if Joba could help the team win every fifth day. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Personally, I'm fine with making Joba a starter...just not this year. The bullpen dynamic is fantastic right now the way it is. You've got Bruney and Traber in the 6th/7th, Joba in the 7th/8th, Mariano in the 9th, and Kyle Farnsworth somehow successfully dodging sniper fire as he crouches behind the monuments. The starting pitching hasn't been very good thus far, but it's early. I would rather be worrying about Hughes and Kennedy growing into back-end of the rotation than the Indians with Sabathia or the Tigers with White Trashlander wondering if their aces have lost it.

Who is The Hammer calling an idiot by the way? Now THAT is an intriguing question. Cashman? Unfrozen Caveman Manager? Those responsible for The Bronx Is Burning? I'm not really sure there either. I like to think that he didn't know what he was saying. So, in essence, he was referring to himself as an idiot. When you think of it that way, it starts making sense. Hank is the type of guy who would call himself out to the media for being an idiot.

And I love the dig that Hummer Hank threw in at the end about how he wanted to dump the kid's for Santana. You know what, Johan is 1-2 in a terrible league right now. You would have given him 200 million. Did you forget about that, assbutt? The more that you hear and read come out of New York, the more you have to respect the job that Brian Cashman has done. It can't be easy dealing with the Steinbrenner Asylum yet he always sticks to his guns regarding how the team should be run.

Ahhhhhh!!! Hank Steinbrenner drives me crazy with his random tirades. I wish he would just go out and buy Seasons 1 and 2 of The Ghost Whisperer on DVD and let the season play out a bit before he starts sending goons to threaten the players if they go 0-4 one night. It won't happen though and by the 4th of July, Unfrozen Caveman Manager will have been fired and replaced by Isiah Thomas. I can see it unfolding already.

So enjoy your second bird, Hank. You have certainly earned the mothafucka.

PS - If you want to point fingers and do what needs to be done to help the team, see what the Blue Jays did with Frank Thomas and apply it to a certain greasy first baseman hitting .109. I'm not saying, I'm just saying...

Close Runner-Ups this week: Brendan Haywood for his bush-league cheap shots on Our King and the scorebard-reading challenged DeShawn Stevenson. I CAN SEE YOU, BITCH, and you lost by 30!!!

Sunday, April 20, 2008


We've got a few things that we need to tackle today so we're just going to get it all out of the way. Let's get started.

Go ahead and pound your chests today, female racing fans of the world, Danica Patrick is now 1 for 50 in races!!! You either like Danica or you hate her, I'm in the liking her camp. I find her to be hot, I don't care what people say. But enough about the driver, I want to talk about the car. OK, she won the Japan Nintendo Piston Honda Atomic Bomb Pokemon Tom Selleck 500 or whatever it was called...but how did they get her car over there? Did they ship it piece by piece and assemble it in Japan? Was it flown over in a cargo plane? Was it shipped by boat? I want answers and I want them now. If you can't give them to me though, it's OK, I'll just keep pouring through bikini pics of Danica while she straddles the hood of a car like Tawny Kitaen. And much like Tawny, I would bet that Danica has also beaten up Chuck Finley with a shoe. Now that she has broken through into the win column, we can all stop talking about it. So at least something good came out of this.

Steve Phillips just picked Andy Pettitte as his pitcher pick of the day...expect a loss out Mr. HGH now. And an update, big time crusher Jason Giambi is up to a robust .116 coming into today. My God, he sucks.

Alright, let's get on with my NBA playoff predictions!!! I know, I know, I'm a day late on these but to be honest, what happened yesterday does not change anything for me at all. So get over it, I'm a little bit late to the party. People would still rather see me than you anyway.

First Round:
Celtics over Hawks in 5 - I'm giving the Hawks one game...I don't know why. Dare to be different, I guess.
Pistons over 76ers in 6 - BEWARE!!! The 76ers are pesky and will hang in there for the entire series.
Magic over Raptors in 7 - Yawn, this is a horribly boring matchup. When in doubt, pick the team coached by a Ron Jeremy lookalike.
Cavs over Wizards in 5 - Never EVER talk smack about the best player on the planet, Agent Zero and shitty shooting guard who I can't even remember his name. Honestly, the Wiz are better without Arenas. He is a ball hog and he wants to make it all about him. They could beat the Cavs with Butler and Jamison running the show, not with Gilbert trying to do everything himself.

Lakers over Nuggets in 6 - The Nuggets will score, but they don't play any defense and Kobe will rape them. That joke will never tire.
Hornets over Mavericks in 5 - Jason Kidd will be thoroughly embarrassed in this series. CP3 showed his awesomeness last night (if you can't tell, I'm writing this at about 1 on Sunday).
Spurs over Suns in 7 - I hate the Spurs. There is nothing about them that I like. They all whine, they hit way too many big shots in games that they were supposed to lose, and their point guard is French. Fuck them. But they're damn good. Shaq played really well yesterday, but they blew that game and they needed it. It ain't happ'nin' now.
Jazz over Rockets in 6 - Snoozer, you don't even need to watch this, I'll tell you what's going to happen. T-Mac will suck, Boozer will dominate, and since the Jazz already won a game on the road, the rest of the games will be won by the home teams.

Second Round:
Celtics over Cavs in 7 - I hate saying this because of my general disdain for the city of Boston and my love of all things Cavaliers, but they aren't going to beat the Celtics. But, I think that this series will open the eyes of people everywhere and I will get into that a bit later.
Pistons over Magic in 5 - This one won't be a good series. The Pistons are just so much better than the Magic in almost every facet of the game.

Lakers over Jazz in 7 - The Jazz will be scrappy in this one and are the best home team in the West (may not be true but feels like it might). I think that both teams hold serve at home and this series goes the distance. Expect the Lakers to get the bulk of the calls as David Stern wants to have the Lakers in the Finals to put an exclamation point on this already terrific NBA season.
Hornets over Spurs in 6 - The Spurs go when Tony Parker goes. One of the few people on the planet that can make him look like the French bitch that he is is CP3. West and Chandler can hang with Duncan. Bruce Bowen has no one to guard other than Peja and he doesn't move inside the 3 point arch. It's a bad matchup for the Spurs. They are just too old to deal with the young legs of Byron Scott's mustache.

Conference Finals:
Pistons over Celtics in 6 - Remember in 2005 when the Cavs took the Pistons to 7 games in the second round and exposed all of their flaws and exhausted them? The same thing will happen this year. LeBron and the "genius" of Mike Brown will expose the Celtics and even a moron like Flip Saunders will catch on. You can thank the Cavs, Pistons fans, because of our will you will be heading back to the Finals.

Lakers over Hornets in 7 - Kobe can smell's like the vaginal secretions of a young, white girl, he knows what he needs to do and he will not be stopped. The Lakers match up with the Hornets quite well with the bonus of the Hornets having no one that can guard The Rapist. So it looks like we're heading back to 2004...hop in the time machine. Or the DeLorean...whichever you prefer.

NBA Finals:
Lakers over Pistons in 5 - The Lakers are better than Detroit at every position other than center. They both have excellent benches that will come into play and make the 2nd quarters of games actually watchable. The difference in the series...Sasha Vujacic. He'll be a pest all series long. Even if Andrew Bynum doesn't play, it won't matter, Jerry Buss's toupee is getting another ring. The NBA Finals: Where Rewarding A Rapist Happens!!!

There you go, my picks for the Finals. I'm sure that they will be incredibly wrong. Game 2 for the Cavs tonight...expect another Gilbert Arenas bitch-slapping.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

The 2008 OCP NFL Mock Draft

So over the past two+ weeks, me and the guys over at OCP have been cranking out our Mock Draft. Let's be honest, these things are everywhere now...but only here will you find the best and most accurate. Suck my dick, Todd McShay. How we did this is pretty simple; 8 of us were given random (plus our favorite) teams and we were supposed to step in that war room and make the pick based on what we think they would do. So with that being said, let's meet the players:

The Sackman - this blogger's other online ego...he's even sexier than the beloved GMoney
Irishman - frequent commenter here under his real name and Chris Henry's personal bail bondsman
Paddio - the creator of OCP and proud owner of a Cory Snyder poster over his bed
goblue - not known for being unbiased and also believes that Terrelle Pryor will still end up at Michigan
stonybrown - definitely the most homoerotic of the GM's participating, but I respect the guy for damn near dying of alcohol poisoning at the GFL Draft last year
Bling Bling - prominent Union figurehead and excellent high school track coach...possible pedophile
bigkatt - proud owner of a Michael Vick jersey and one hell of a softball player
TFull - sexy man about town and future your cards right and it's free oxycontin for life

But enough about the players, TFull Parcells is on the clock...

1. Miami Dolphins (TFULL) - OT Jake Long, Michigan
A can't miss prospect at Left Tackle. A guy very similar to Joe Thomas of the Browns, and look what he did for them. An absolute beast at the combine. We already have a good RB and we drafted a QB in the 2nd round last year and Matt Ryan is not a franchise quarterback. So we look to the best 2 lineman available Jake and Chris Long.

2 .St Louis Rams (Irishman) - DE Chris Long, Virginia
We feel Chris is the best D-lineman in the draft. One of the top prospects in the draft. We are looking for That next great Pass Rusher, someone that will take over opposing teams Offensive lines. We feel Chris is a future pro bowler and a can't miss guy.

3. Atlanta Falcons (bigkatt) - DT Glenn Dorsey, LSU
His speed and athletisism and quickness off the ball will give offensive linemaen trouble. With Atlanta in a rebuiling process and new head coach Mike Smith looking to start in the trenches and Jake Long off the board, this one is a no brainer (as long as his medical records check out ok).

4. Oakland Raiders (The Sackman) - RB Darren McFadden, Arkansas
Let's face it, the Raiders need playmakers. Why not take the best one in the draft? Between Fargas and McFadden, we feel that we have a very lethal one-two duo that can ease some pressure off of JaMarcus Russell.

5. Kansas City Chiefs (Irishman) - QB Matt Ryan, Boston College
The best QB in the draft. Reminds me of a young Tom Brady. He has all the tools and can make any throw. and BRODIE CROYLE SUCKS and will pan out to be nothing more then a back up qb in this league.

6. NY Jets (paddio) - DE Vernon Gholston, Ohio State
The Jets need playmakers on defense and they get a big one in Vernon Gholston. The Jets consider Gholston the best defensive player in the draft and are thrilled with this selection.

7. New England (bigkatt) - CB Leodis McKelvin, Troy
With the departures of 3 cbs via free agency the need to take one here is inevitable. Hes a true playmaker adn is a threat to score when he gets his hands on the ball. Also a valuable return man.

8. Baltimore (Bling Bling) - OT Ryan Clady, Boise State
Thrilled that this big fella slipped to them in the 8th position, the Ravens address every team's need, a possible franchise left tackle. Knowing that they can wait a round or two before selecting a quarterback, they take advantage of some senseless drafting ahead of them and get Jonathan Ogden's replacement. Clady will add stability to an offense that still is missing a lot, but now has one less thing to worry about for the foreseeable future.

9. Cincinnati (Irishman) - DT Sedrick Ellis, USC
They need defense and can't get enough of it. They lost J.Smith and replacing him will be hard to do. But this is a start. Sedrick will be a great fit for Coach Lewis and the Bengals. We feel we got one of the best Defensive lineman in the draft. Very happy!

10. New Orleans (The Sackman) - OLB Keith Rivers, USC
The offense was not the issue in New Orleans last season. The fact that we couldn't stop anyone was. Most think that CB is our most pressing need but with the newly signed Randall Gay, OLB turned into our most pressing need. Rivers fits that bill perfectly. With Jonathan Vilma patrolling the middle of the field, we feel that Rivers is perfect for protecting the outside and speed rushing off the end.

11. Buffalo (paddio) - CB Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, Tennessee St.
The Bills search to replace Nate Clements should be over with this outstanding athlete with great cover skills.

12. Denver (bigkatt) - OT Chris Williams, Vanderbilt
Denver is in need of a franchise tackle and are happy to select Chris and his athletic skills for their zone blocking.

13. Carolina (goblue) - OT Jeff Otah, Pittsburgh
The Panthers need to upgrade there offensive line and this move will be a big step in the right direction

14. Chicago (TFULL) - RB Rashard Mendenhall, Illinois
We made a huge mistake letting Thomas Jones go and turning the offense over to Ced benson. We're not going to make the same mistake two years in a row. Benson will still be the starter, but if he stumbles we are handing it over to this kid. Great power and speed (refernce the Rose Bowl) and could be our back of the future.

15. Detroit (stonybrown) - CB Aqib Talib, Kansas
Matt Millen ate himself into a sugar induced coma after the Bears took the guy he coveted - Rashard Mendenhall. Millen continued his bender by heading to the nearest bar and telling everyone in there "I'm Matt Millen - take out your years of Lions frustration on me!" He is still being beaten and ravaged at this hour. Talib provides solid help in the defensive backfield. Neither Merling or Harvey were a strong fit for the 3-4 Tampa 2 D, so the Lions went BPA.

16. Arizona (Bling Bling) - CB Mike Jenkins, South Florida
This pick comes with a couple of ties to it. Falling short of having a Neil Lomax rebirth in a Cardinals uni, the Cardinals are hoping this will be Matt Leinart's break out year. The weapons are in place, so the need is on defense. CB is the most pressing of those needs, and knowing that GM Bling Bling received his master's degree from USF, it was the only logical pick. Jenkins is the type of corner that can be put out on an island and handle some of the league's top weapons. Cornerbacks are hard to come by, so the Cardinals aren't going to waste any time in snatching one of the best this draft has to offer.

17. Minnesota (TFULL) - DE Philip Merling, Clemson
I know we have invested first rounders in Erasmus James and Kunechi Udeze or whatever his name is, but these guys haven't produced liek we would have hoped. We added Bernard Berrian and there is no QB here that we want. We need to be better up front defensively, so we went with Merling.

18. Houston (paddio) - RB Felix Jones, Arkansas
The Texans are looking to add another playmaker to there offense and someone to work in tandem with Ahman Green. Jones is the perfect fit.

19. Philadelphia (The Sackman) - OG Brandon Albert, Virginia
The Eagles don't feel like they are that far away from being a contender again and adding a top notch guard to the O-Line will help the entire offense. Albert has been shooting up draft boards and is even ranked as Mel Kiper's #5 player on his current board. We feel like we've gotten a steal here who will be the anchor of our interior line for the next decade.

20. Tampa Bay (Irishman) - WR DeSean Jackson, Cal
They need a number 1 guy and this guy has all the weapons and tools to be a great one. He's the best reciever in the draft.

21. Washington (The Sackman) - DE Derrick Harvey, Florida
What a steal here at #21. The Skins are looking for another solid pass rusher to go with the rejuvenated Andre Carter and we feel that we found him in Harvey. Many people thought that we might go WR here, but with a shocking 9 picks in the draft, we feel that we can add to that in the 2nd or 3rd round.

22. Dallas (Bling Bling) - WR Limas Sweed, Texas
This is the future TO of the NFL. And since TO can't go on forever, we need to start looking for his replacement. Sweed will stretch the field opposite of TO for a few more season, and then replace him as the most feared WR in the game.

23. Pittsburgh (TFULL) - OT Gosder Cherilus, Boston College
I never really heard of this guy until watching the combine. He is a monster at a little over 6'6". He projects to be a right tackle and the Steelers need a lot of help on the offensive line.

24. Tennessee (paddio) - DE Calais Campbell, Miami
The Titans defense has lost Travis LaBoy and Antwan Odom this offseason. The pick of Calais Campbell will help as he will see the field early and often.

25. Seattle (goblue) - WR Early Doucet, LSU
The Seahawks decide to get Matt Hasselbeck another weapon and add a wr with a great size/speed combo in Early Doucet.

26. Jacksonville (bigkatt) - DE Quienten Groves, Auburn
The guy they wanted didnt slip so they took the next best available DE in groves who looks to help the defensive line from day one.

27. San Diego (stonybrown) - CB Brandon Flowers, Virginia
The Chargers have needs on the Oline, but with Cherilus now off the board, he was the last value talent at this point in the draft. WR is a need - Sweed would have been a steal here, but Bling reached. CB would be the next position of need. I think Flowers could be slotted into a very young and talented D backfield and get time at least at nickel.

28. Dallas (Bling Bling) - RB Jonathon Stewart, Oregon
This guy has the speed to replace Julius Jones, and be a nice fill-in for when MBIII needs a break. Stewart will be seen as the future of the backfield, but Barber is young, so that future will not be any time soon. With the Cowboys being serious contenders right now, they do not need that immediate impact player like many teams would need at this position.

29. San Francisco (Bling Bling) - WR James Hardy, Indiana
Hardy has the size, speed, and athletisism that this offense has been lacking. Hardy will be an immediate fan favorite for his amazing acrobatic catches, and his ability to create after the catch.

30. Green Bay (stonybrown) - S Kenny Phillips, Miami
Green Bay probably needs a CB more than a S, but the value is gone at this point for CBs. Phillips is the top S on my board. Plus...the Pack could use a little of the thug life up in da 'Sconsin! I believe he will be required to grow some really long dreads - as that is a Packer DB requirement.

31. NE forfeited

32. NY Giants (The Sackman) - MLB Jerod Mayo, Tennessee
It was really a toss-up here between Mayo and Dan Conner from Penn State but we decided to go with the guy who has been shooting up our board. Obviously, our biggest weakness is at MLB with the departure of Kawika Mitchell and we are happy to get a stud to replace him.

Well, there you go. Talk about it in the comments. Rank who did the best jobs. Back on Monday.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Reviewing Some Horrendous Predictions

The NBA regular season is finally over. Now that the also-rans are done, we can focus on the high intensity playoffs season that, at least on the surface, should be as solid as it's ever been as far as quality of play is concerned. But, we're going to take a look back today. A look back at my preseason predictions for how I thought that the NBA would play out this season. Follow along here as my prognostications were truly catastrophic. We'll start out with the varsity league, the Western Conference:

1. Lakers
My pick: Suns
--This isn't truly terrible until you realize that I didn't pick the Lakers to make the playoffs. Of course, I also didn't count on Memphis giving them their best player for what amounted to a rusty trombone.

2. Hornets
My pick: Spurs
--Again, I don't feel too bad about this one. The Spurs are more than capable of winning the West again if Balki Bartokomous is healthy. Don't forget about the deadly shooting of Cousin Larry either.

3. Spurs
My pick: Mavericks
--Dallas was burned this year with injuries and inconsistent play. That being said, they have no chance to win the West with Jason Kidd at the point. He can't freaking play anymore. That's right, I'm writing him off.

4. Rockets
My pick: Jazz
--Although they did surprise everyone with that gigantic 22 game winning streak this year, does anyone really believe that T-Mac is actually going to win a playoff series? I don't, I look forward to the choke and the subsequent press conference crocodile tears.

5. Jazz
My pick: Nuggets
--Team White Guy really blew it last night with their chance to secure home court advantage. I still expect them to pimp-slap T-Mac though. Denver is easily the most fun team to watch in the playoffs what with their ability to score 130 every night and also give up 150. Sprinkle in a little Melo DUI action to match Kobe the Rapist and I'm definitley intrigued by that series.

6. Suns
My pick: Rockets
--This is probably Shaq's last ride since apparently now he cares again and his body just can't take that kind of punishment. Opening the playoffs against the hated Spurs will definitely draw my interest.

7. Mavericks
My pick: Hornets
--I had a good feeling that they would break the playoff threshold this season but I didn't think that they would completely dominate the league. Good for them. CP3 is a force who will absolutely destroy Jason Kidd/Terry in the first round.

8. Nuggets
My pick: Warriors
--Ah, my lone miss out West. Damn you, Don Nelson, you were so awesome last year and decided to blow it down the stretch this year. Now go comb the crumbs out of Baron Davis's beard and come back ready to go next year.

Back East we go...

1. Celtics
My pick: Bulls
--You can go ahead and load up that tennis ball machine with boiled potatoes and start firing them into my ass any time now. What a God awful pick this was. The Bulls just quit this year...and not during the season either, they quit before the season even began. Nice call, ass. Luol Deng and Ben Gordon suck something fierce.

2. Pistons
My pick: Pistons
--Bitch betta have my money! I finally got one right. Whew, Team Ugly gets me up to the .100 level, or as I like to call it, .018 worse than Jason Giambi!!!

3. Magic
My pick: Cavaliers
--The Cavs finish in the 4 hole so I wasn't far off. I didn't have the Magic in the playoffs at all which tells me that I vastly underestimated Hedo Turkoglu's Ugly Efficiency. Never count out a team coached by a Ron Jeremy lookalike either. That was my biggest predicting downfall right there.

4. Cavaliers
My pick: wait for it...wait for it...the fucking Knicks
--This is what I said in October...
This is my big surprise team this year. Zeke is a front office train wreck but the guy can coach. Look at that front line!!! Curry, Randolph, D.Lee, Balkman…intimidating.
I don't think I could have possibly been more wrong. Someone shoot me. Who the fuck says things like that? I seriously hate myself today. I had faith in Isiah...and I have to live with that.

5. Wizards
My pick: Wizards
--I still can't believe I had the Knicks in the playoffs, and a home court advantage team to boot. Now that everyone is back healthy in DC, it's becoming a trendy pick for them to upset the Cavs. I don't think so, not the way DeShawn Stevenson has been running his mouth about Our King being overrated. And who the fuck is Stevenson to be saying this anyway? Bearded fuck better keep his mouf shut.

6. Raptors
My pick: Celtics
--I didn't have the Raptors in and I severely short-changed the C's. My preseason thoughts on Boston...
I just don’t see it. Between chemistry issues and Pierce and Allen’s injury bugs, I don’t see the Celts being THAT great.
Could've been worse though, I could have predicted them to finish behind the Knicks in their division. Hello, is this the Suicide Hotline? I also underestimated the sheer awesomeness of Scot Pollard.

7. 76ers
My pick: Heat
--Yep, my pick for the 7 seed ended up being one of the worst teams of all time. Let's go back again and read my genius thoughts...
I kind of like the Ricky Davis trade since I’ve always felt that Antoine Walker was the worst player in the league.
Whenever you think that any move bringing in Ricky Davis is a good move, you should just start watching the WNBA because you clearly know nothing about the men's game. Never, ever try to talk yourself into liking a Ricky Davis-led team.

8. Hawks
My pick: Nets
--The Nets should have been better than that. But since Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson are a couple of male gay's, they sit at home. Props to the Hawks for being the Celtics first round sacrificial lamb!

MVP - will go to Kobe, it should go to Chris Paul. I picked Our King who is a better player than both but disappeared too much down the stretch to win.
Coach - will go to Doc Rivers, should go to Byron Scott. I picked Scott Skiles who is currently emptying out the trash can at my cubicle.
Executive - will go to anyone not named Danny Ferry. My pick was that the award will go to anyone but Danny Ferry.
Rookie of the Year - will go to Kevin Durant, should go to Durant, and my pick was Durant.

As you can see, I know nothing about this sport. I guess you could say that I'm just like Ric Bucher except without the massive ego and queer soul patch. Ugh, the Knicks...this is going to haunt me for years. Oh well, life goes on (for now), I'll have my playoff predictions come Monday. Tomorrow, the OCP NFL Mock Draft!!!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Hump Day Hump

Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, the "Luckily for me, I got my taxes done this year about the same time as Ned Flanders did" Edition.

***You get five chances to watch Derek Anderson shit his pants on national TV - Obviously, the big story today is that the NFL released the schedule. Once again, NBC gets all the good games on Sunday nights while Monday Night Football is left with the 49ers, Texans, Bears, and Browns. Seriously, is der Fuhrer Goodell really trying to murder MNF? It sure looks like. We are also blessed with 5 games a piece on Sunday night, MNF, or Thursday's with the Browns and Bears. Yeah, that's right, two teams that didn't make the playoffs are being stuffed down our throats this year. Who knows, maybe it will work out and they will both be playoff caliber teams. But when those teams are led by Sex Cannon Grossman and Horse Balls Anderson, don't count on it. As far as the Skins go, we get 3 national TV games: the opening Thursday nighter at the Giants, a Monday nighter at home against the Stillers, and a Sunday nighter at home against Team Mexico. I like it, 3 solid games. What I don't like is how they are on the road against all of our divisional rivals in the first 6 weeks of the year. Either way, the Draft is next weekend and I will be posting the OCP Mock Draft on Friday. Get ready...

***I, too, am an awful putter...maybe I just need some surgery - Breaking news coming out of wherever Tiger Woods is at; Tiger had arthroscopic knee surgery yesterday and will be sidelined for a month. If I'm PGA head cheese, Tim Finchem, I'm praying that Tiger's back for the US Open. Because we all know that if Tiger ain't playing, ain't nobody watching. But you really have to feel for Eldrick here. Not only did he piss away the green jacket and have his knee cut up, he has the horrible misfortune of sitting at home watching his Swedish model wife walk around in incredibly short shorts and a tank top. Life must be tough...

***The number one cause of drunk driving arrests is being a Pirates fan - Huh, so that's what a Pirates fan looks like. Anyway, Carmelo Anthony represented his Baltimore roots well this week by racking up a DUI. Bravo, way to kill that "NBA thug" stereotype. A couple of funny things: his girlfriend refused to pick him up from jail, the cops gave him a ride home eventhough normal people have to sit in the drunk tank, and instead of putting his ride in the impound lot, they put it in a monitored parking garage. So not only does the Denver police allow you to grow weed in your home (it's true), they apparently also pretty much give you a happy ending per DUI arrest. Good to know.

***I, too, enjoy Dunkin' Donuts coffee but I wouldn't move there because of it - Well, that was quick. After resurrecting the basketball program at Drake, Keno Davis has decided to move on to the Big East and man the sidelines at Providence. I really don't get this as far as job status and security. Providence is always going to blow. Davis could keep his job in Des Moines for the next decade based on last season alone while if the results aren't up to par in the Big East, he's out on his ass in 3 years. I mean, I understand why he left; money really fucking talks and hell, I would move to a Tijuana crackhouse for a million dollars, but still. Oh well, good for him. I've always like the nickname "Friars" though.

***Did he also drive Richard Pryor's car from Chicago to Boise - Yeah, that's right, I went with a "Moving" reference for this subtitle. Suck it, it's one of the greatest movies ever made. Anyway, Herschel Walker recently wrote a book. I know what you're thinking, "that has to be just awful". And normally, I would agree. But when a Heisman winner talks about his multiple personality disorders and how he almost killed himself over it, it's just a bit more interesting, no? Really though, what kind of a name is Herschel? Is he a black Jew Heisman winner? If so, kudos to you, sir.

***He's been placed on the disabled list for being terrible - I just find this hilarious and thankful that he does not pitch on my team. The Indians have placed Joe Borowski and his 453,456.50 ERA on the DL with a "strained triceps". I didn't get the memo that we changed the meaning of "strained triceps" to "Dear God, someone please murder this guy". I actually witnessed the last two epic blown saves by Joe-Bo and they were exquisite. I mean, truly remarkable. This guy is done. It's probably best to release him into witness protection because there is no way that he can step foot in Northeast Ohio for at least a month. He's pretty much the Indians' version of Larry Hughes.

***So...he's a commissioner AND a gypsy now? - Most of you who read this probably believe that I have the blackest heart around since Monty Burns. Not so, I poke fun of a lot of topics that aren't really funny (AIDS) but one thing I won't joke about is cancer. It's been an issue in my family in the past and, you know, I don't find it funny. Senator Arlen Specter announced that his cancer is back. Sad stuff. But I also wonder, isn't it somewhat ironic that Specter picked a public fight with Roger Goodell and Bill Belichick and then a month later he's diagnosed with cancer again? Hmmm...something fishy is going on here. (Note to self, always praise Goodell and Hooded Sweatshirt otherwise go get innoculated with the antidote for the Bubonic Plague.)

Back tomorrow with some topic that I haven't really decided on yet. Enjoy the Sawx/Yanks on ESPN tonight!!! It's Wang! It's Buchholtz! It's NEXT!

Monday, April 14, 2008

The Middle Finger: Jason Giambi

As I write this, the Yankees are on their way to getting back to .500. I'm actually looking forward to this season for some reason. Maybe it's because the expectations aren't that high and they are doing what they should have been doing for the past 8 years...going with youth. Either way, it's been a weird start to the year. Derek Jeter pulled a quad and just returned tonight. Johnny Damon still sucks. Wilson Betemit apparently can't see straight. Mike Mussina is pitching well while the young guys are struggling (although Kennedy is pitching well tonight). Baseball Jesus has not played to his MVP form yet. Kyle Farnsworth still hasn't been brutally murdered. Our catchers are banged up and we are starting a guy now that was cut by the Reds. The dumbass buried jersey has been unearthed. You know, business as usual in the Bronx. But there is one constant that I don't see changing all season. Yes, I fully expect one guy to be as shitty at the end of the season as he is now. He seems like a pretty likeable guy and all but when it comes down to it, he's just a waste of a uniform.

This week's Middle Finger goes straight to the fragile ego and juiced-up carcass of Jason Giambi.

Jason took steroids. He pretty much (but not really) admitted to that. He cashed in on his steroid abuse by signing a gigantic contract with the Yankees. He never lived up to the expectations. After a few years of being booed everywhere the Yankees went, everyone has pretty much forgotten about him. And why has his scandal been forgotten? Because now that he's clean, you can pencil him in for an 0-3, 1 BB game every single freaking night. He fucking sucks.

The Giambino came into camp this Spring in the best shape of his life and things were supposed to change. The results so far are quite impressive. He's hitting a mean .107 with 2 homers and 4 RBI. Now, when you take away the two at-bats off of Mike Timlin (2 AB, 2 HR), Giambi is rocking a solid 1 for 26 season. For you math wizards, that is a .038 batting average or as I like to call it, a performance that your average homeless vagabond could duplicate. And at least you would only have to pay the vagrant off with a ham sandwich and a bottle Admiral Nelson's diarrhea-based rum.

Is Jason Giambi the worst player in baseball though? That is a very good question. When you factor in his 2008 salary (which thankfully comes off the books after this year), I think it's pretty fair to say that he is. He is pretty much the definition of a ZERO tool player. He doesn't hit for average or power, has no speed, can't play defense, and has no arm. He's pretty much the same player as Felix Fermin. The only other zero tool player that I can think of is Shannon Stewart and Giambi is waaaaay worse than he is. Maybe if he cut down on the teenage Asian hooker orgies, he could actually drive the ball once again. But don't bet on that, those Asian teenagers are a crafty bunch. Giambi sucks so much that I bet he couldn't even hit a game-winning home run off of Joe Borowski...and everybody does that.

The funny thing about this is that opposing defenses just give him the left side of the infield yet he has no idea what to do with that. It's like he sees the shift coming and thinks "8 guys on the right side of the infield, eh? Well, I'll show them! I'm going to fit the ball in the 2X2 foot box that they give me!" How much do you have to suck to not be able to take the ball to the opposite field? They actually tried to get him to do that a few years ago and he got so confused that he started showing up to home games wearing a unitard and calling himself "El Guapo Diablo". Seriously, this drives me freaking nuts. Other "shift" guys like Papi, Thome, and Hafner, they can poke it down the open side every once in awhile, but Giambi is clearly incapable of such action.

This should make you throw up...Jason Giambi is making 21 million this season. TWENTY ONE MILLION for a buck-o-seven. He is making 21 million per non-Mike Timlin based hit this year! Thanks, thanks a lot. And what is going on with his lip? Was he born with a cleft palate? Does anyone know the answer to this? T-Bone, you are a Bay Area baseball fan, care to help me out on that?

Basically what I'm trying to get at here is that the Yankees will be fine. I truly believe that. I expect everyone on the team to have their normal solid years. Except for The Giambino. I look forward to hearing him get boo'ed out of the Stadium in the next few weeks when he is sporting a sub-.100 average with the same 3 home runs that he has now. Well, unless he faces Mike Timlin again.

I couldn't be happier that this is his last season. He has been the poster child for the Yankees flawed business management over the past 8 years and it ends this October. But I need a little help from ya'll. I'm asking you, the reader, is there a worse player in baseball that I can't think of? I doubt it. And pitchers don't count, Tribe fans, because I know where you want to take this.

Enjoy your Middle Finger, Jason, maybe you can run it through your greasy hair after you hit another lazy pop-up to the second baseman, ya jerk.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

The Masters Final Round Live Journal

I had a feeling that this would be a collosal waste of my did not disappoint my already low expectations. So let's get started, my first ever live journal...the final round of The Masters.

2:30 - The three tv setup in our living room is currently rocking with golf on the big screen, Cubs/Phillies on the medium, and the PBA Motel 6 Roll To Riches on the small. Should be a good day.

2:34 - Yep, the redheaded roommate is sporting his old-ass green blazer. It's like he's my own personal version of Chris know, but without the awful nicknames.

2:37 - Immelman and Snedeker start out with bogeys...double choke anyone???

2:52 - If you had 2:52 in your "when will Jim Nantz drop his patented 'Hello, Friends'" on us, you win!!! Nantz simultaneously unveils his pedophile smile as well.

2:53 - Congratulations to Parker Bohn III's mustache and Parker Bohn III on his Roll To Riches victory!

3:04 - Through 4 holes, Tiger looks off. He's missing putts and his driver is a bit sketchy...hopefully he can get it rolling and make this exciting.

3:05 - Holy shit! Sneds (that's what I'm calling him from now on) powers in an eagle putt on 2. He's lucky, if that doesn't go in, that's rolling off the green.

3:13 - Apparently, Pat Summerall is doing promos in and out of commercials. I could listen to him read the phone book.

3:20 - HA! The umpires just gave the Cubs a home run on a foul ball and Charlie Manual just sprinted out to argue. Now THAT was funny. My pick to win, Paul Casey, just double-bogeyed 4...ouch.

3:22 - Buke and I just agreed that with the way the wind is at Augusta today, whoever sucks less is going to win the green jacket. Not really the mark of a champion, but the least-shitty is winning this thing.

3:30 - Oooooo, Tiger's back with a birdie on 5!!! He must have just watched Tom Berenger's performance in The Junction Boys because "he ain't quittin'".

3:40 - Jim Nantz takes us back down memory lane to the 1967 Masters win by Gay Brewer. Is this actually a real golfer or is he throwing barbs at another Gay Brewer, Eric Gagne???

3:45 - I'm sticking with this lookalike...Steve Flesch looks like Principal Strickland from the Back To The Future movies. SLACKER!!!

3:57 - First Phil Mickelchoke joke of the day!!! He has some commercial about learning and it's sponsored by ExxonMobil. That's right, Phil fully supports dumping oil into the ocean and high gas prices. I told you that this guy was an asshole.

4:11 - I think I just got prank called. I couldn't hear what they were saying and the number didn't pop up on the caller ID though. Let me give you a piece of advice, if you are going to prank one of the greatest prank callers of all time, bring your fucking A-game, punks.

4:14 - Tiger can't birdie on par 5's today for some reason. Trevor Immelman is going to win this tournament.

4:22 - Pretty boy Sneds is choking. He should just change his name to Linda Lovelace. Also, remember the original Willy Wonka movie? Sneds looks like the kid that played Charlie Bucket.

4:30 - KAREN CORR ALERT!!! That's right, women's billiards just made the small screen. The 2007 Champion of Champions Tournament??? Sign me up. The Irish Invader is going to take the title home! Ewa Mattia Laurance is not having a good day as far as looks go.

4:32 - This is really fucking boring. I'm contemplating whether the action will pick up if I take my pants off. I'm going to keep them on...for now.

4:45 - I made my first joke about Jim Nantz...I didn't write it down but I'm sure it was hilarious.

4:48 - Another Tiger bogey...this sucks. Thanks for ruining my Sunday, Eldrick.

4:55 - The pre-round over/under for number of times that Red and I comment on how bad Vijay must smell was 5.5. We are currently at 4. Man, that guy even has stink-lines coming off of him.

5:07 - Jesus, first reference to the stupidly titled "Amen Corner". I hate that moniker. It sounds like the intersection that Jim Nantz goes to to get blown by a 12 year old chickenhead. Oh yeah, Phil-do just bogeyed again, he still sucks. He is a terrorist.

5:12 - Timeout, my weekly phone call with mom is taking place...

5:16 - Tiger just pours in about a million foot putt for birdie; my mom loses her hearing from my very loud "boo-yah".

5:28 - Uh oh, the day is likely over for Slacker Steve Flesch-Balloon as he's in the water on 12. It was a good run though.

5:33 - Phil-do finishes up his tournament with an even final round. Get out of my sights now, ya great big phony.

5:42 - HA-YUGE par save on 11 for T.I.(Immelman). He's going to have to channel Greg Norman to piss this one away.

5:44 - Immelman looks like Johnny Damon. That is a GREAT call. Editor's side note, Damman sent me a text saying this exact same thing around 10 pm...I had it called at 5:44. Suck it.

5:47 - Tiger on 13 with a short birdie putt...fucking terrible. His putter is about as bad as an episode of According To Jim today.

5:57 - I'm so bored that I have resorted to staring at the eerily awesome rack of The Irish Invader, Karen Corr. Please kill me.

5:58 - My notes just say that at this point, I thought that Tiger was done. I agree with myself.

6:05 - Sned's is in the drink on 13. I guess he didn't learn from that yesterday when he did the exact same thing. He's done. This is over, ladies and gents, T.I. is your champion.

6:08 - It feels like T.I. is up 10 strokes. I wonder if his wife is hot??? I have a feeling that we will be seeing her very soon.

6:13 - Sneds is the worst putter ever. He just missed a putt on 13 by at least a foot and a half to the right and he was only 5 feet away. I could have gotten that closer and I'm the World's Worst Putter. I am also the World's Worst Foosball player and World's Worst Beer Pong Player.

6:17 - Time to fire up the grill for some juicy Hillshire Farms Cheddarwurst...hopefully they will save the day.

6:24 - The only somewhat funny quote of the day courtesy of the awesome David Feherty, "Flesch is looking a little raggety." When I'm laughing at that, you know that the announcing was not terrible. I was hoping that it would be worse.

6:27 - The putting from everyone is horrid. Bring back Shooter McGavin. Sneds has bogied 8 of the first 13

6:43 - Please. Just. End. This is going to fuck with Big Brother tonight, I just know it. A-Baller will not be pleased.

6:50 - Maybe this isn't over yet. T.I. inexplicably fired one into the drink on 16...interesting.

6:54 - Tiger ends with a birdie and a -5 score. His putter lost the tourney for him this weekend. Just abysmal.

7:02 - Jim Nantz just made his 2,561st Gary Player reference. We get it, he's from South Africa. He also wore Larry David's jacket in the shitter. He's clearly an inconsiderate piece of shit.

7:06 - T.I. in the sand on 17! Wow, Tiger really isn't going to win this this way, is he? Ah, brilliant sand save from T.I. and it's all over but the butt rape.

7:14 - Jim Nantz is currently reading us the Trevor Immelman biography. It isn't very interesting. I mean, good for him for winning and getting the tumor out, but it's not like he spends his spare time killing the Irish. You know, something that we could all admire.

7:25 - Rock, Chalk, Champion!!! Trevor Immelman is your 2008 Masters Champion and I finally get off the couch a very disappointed man.

Ugh, that wore me out and it wasn't even fun. I'm not going to be doing these live journals that's too much work. But the cheddarwursts with mustard and jalapeno relish were dynamite. I'm out, time to scour the nets for some Karen Corr nude pics. I would also gladly take Trevor Immelman on the Yankees over Johnny Damon.