Sunday, March 23, 2008

Smarch Madness III



Wow, this has certainly been a fun weekend. The games have been great, I return back to Columbus from the boyhood home with more trips to the bathroom in me than functioning brain cells, and yet somehow, my bracket still remains solid. Why? Because I only had hopes for one shitty team (which we will get to later). So why not get started penning my thoughts on the opening weekend of the NCAA Tournament? I'm just going to go through the regions and give some quick hitters regarding what I've noticed/liked/hated/Tim Brando'ed.

EAST:
--Since I was at my parent's house this weekend, I was at the mercy of only having access to one game at a time. Thank you, CBS, for giving NORTHWEST OHIO the Carolina/Mount Saint Mary's game and sticking with it more than halfway through the second half. And eventhough I hate Tyler Hansbrough with the fire of the million gay man march, the Heels look incredible.
--Indiana should be embarrassed for the way they folded after the Sampson debacle. There was too much talent there to get pounded like that. If there is one positive thing about this it is that Dan Dakich will never coach Division I hoops again.
--Apparently it was not a abherration. I was a little nervous with Notre Dame's offense in the George Mason game since they normally score about 150/game. Maybe Washington State is pretty good (I picked them to beat ND for reasons that I still don't know). For all of you that bought into Notre Dame, remember one thing...teams that are unbeatable at home are usually very average on the road. You should have saw that coming.
--I think everyone had St. Joe's beating Oklahoma. We're all stupid. The A-10 was obviously a garbage conference outside of X.
--Butler/Tennessee was beyond fantastic. I was really hoping that we would have a Lofton/Graves clutch shot-a-thon down the stretch. Either way, I was not disappointed. It's too bad that one of the teams had to lose. I'm just glad that my national champs runner-up was the team that won.
--Ricky Pitino is just TCB right now...taking care of business.

MIDWEST:
--I'm starting to like Brandon Rush's monster fade hairstyle. I really hate Sasha Kahn looking like a moron all the time.
--Nice job, Kent State. 10 points in the first half??? Way to represent the MAC. To be fair, the Flashes were a good team, they just showed no composure in the first half. And I have 17 turnovers to back that up.
--Hey morons that bought into Clemson, are you done being stupid now? They weren't very good. They turn it over too much and shoot poorly from the charity stripe. You should never, ever buy into an Oliver Purnell coached team.
--I picked Siena. I am the Bobby "The Brain" Heenan of upset picks. However, come on NCAA, you only have one early game yesterday and you punish the fans with a Nova/Siena snoozer??? Why not put the Butler/Tennessee game on instead and give the nation what they really wanted?
--Fuck Tim Floyd in his smelly goat ass. I knew that "USC/Elite 8" pick was in trouble when everyone else was saying that. And I take back what I said about OJ Mayo being the best player in the country. He will likely cost me a place in my pool and I can not tolerate that.
--You really have to give props to Wisconsin. They don't do anything great, but they do everything well. Kansas State and their terrible coach had no chance of winning that game. The Badgers are too fundamentally strong. And speaking of which, is there an animal mascot more terrifying than Bucky Badger??? That thing is scary as hell.

--I picked Davidson to win their first two games...damn right. If you don't love Stephen Curry (or his awesomely named father Dell), than you should just register as a sex offender now. The Gonzaga/Davidson game is currently #1 on my "most fun to watch game of the tournament" list.
--Those that bought into Georgetown (fuck you, Jemele Hill!!!) are just not very smart. Why would you put your faith in a team that can't score? They have no shooters yet I was supposed to believe that they were going to make a run. As we saw from the sexy Curry, one stud getting hot can beat them. We've seen that all year. Good luck in the Association, Dr. Julius Hibbert.

SOUTH:
--Dear Memphis, you have a great shot to cut down the nets in San Antonio if you can make any free throws at all. 47% does not fucking cut it. That is a stupid pun.
--Congratulations, Mississippi State!!! No, not your team, I couldn't care less about them. Your win in round 1 was the first time in recorded history that I have successfully predicted the winner of an 8/9 game! I consider it a success that I went 1-3 in those games this year.
--This is why I hate Michigan State. They drift aimlessly through the season, taking games off, and then they come out like a freaking blitzkrieg in the Dance. Sorry, Bobby Knight's Insights, looks like your pick of Pitt to the Finals was about as successful as your run at Texas Tech. I still hate Drew Neitzel. Be afraid of the Spartans, though, Calipari...
--Give it up to Marquette for being involved in two of the best games of the tourney. I was impressed with their effort since I always thought they were soft and had mediocre guard play.
--I really like Stanford's ugly twins and extremely ugly coach. You've got to respect a coach that gets tossed in the tournament...in the first half no less. The Lopez Twins are beasts. They can not be stopped for the full 40 minutes. The Cardinal are a team that you need to get a big lead on in the first half because if they get up and can just feed their two-headed monster in the post, you are done.
--Was there one person that picked Miami (FLA!!!) to win a game? I watch a lot of hoops and I never saw them play all season.
--Why, oh why, did I put so much faith in the retarded genius of Rick Barnes this year??? The fact that the 'Horns almost choked one away yesterday scares me.

WEST (where all the fun is):
--I was surprised that A&M beat BYU. Not because of the on-court talent, but because BYU has the hottest cheerleaders of all time. A&M has a good squadron, too, but they ain't no mormon broads.
--Thanks, UCLA, for giving me a near heart attack Saturday night. They showed good resolve to get back into the game after being down 10, but they should have won that by 20. Everything has already been said about Kevin Love, and it's all true. The kid is a stud. Josh Shipp needs to start hitting some jumpers if the prophecy is fulfilled and my pick to win it all comes to fruition (I am the current owner of a streak that has predicted 5 of the last 6 winners).
--Tough luck for Drake. That was an entertaining-ass (I just made that up!) game. The Hilltoppers continue to dance in spite of the Mexican trashness of Orlando Mendez-Valdez. Wow, he needs a mirror. Back to the WKU/Drake game, Tim Brando is the worst announcer ever. After Josh Young made a three to get the Bulldogs closer, he yelled "ONLY THE YOUNG SURVIVE!!!" What the fuck does that even mean? Can someone help me on this? By the way, we aren't done with Brando yet.
--Nice job, Jim Calhoun. San Diego is NOT a very good team yet your boys made them look like the '96 Bulls. This is part 2 of the Tim Brando is an idiot segment. When San Diego took the lead late in the 2nd half and UConn called timeout, right before the break, our favorite screamed, "THEY AIN'T CARMEN SAN DIEGO!!!" Go away, Tim Brando, your material sucks. Oh yeah, back to UConn, Jim Calhoun is racist against white people...at least that is what I'm told.
--Purdue is going to be fantastic...next year. They have a great coach, great young talent that isn't going anywhere, and a ton of heart. Good season for the Boilermakers even though I have no idea what "Boiler Up" means.
--Speaking of teams with heart and composure, Xavier looks great. They took the best shots from Purdue and Georgia and still had enough resolve to persevere. If you're looking for a team that can beat UCLA, these guys are it. And if IU is looking for their next head coach, look at Sean Miller.
--Fuck Duke. It shouldn't matter what your bracket will look like if they lose, you should always want to see the Evil Rat lose. Belmont couldn't do it but you knew damn well that Chuggy Bear would. YOU DON'T WIN TOURNEY GAMES BEYOND THE ARCH!!! Joe Alexander and Mazzula should be charged with rape because they sodmized the piss out of the Blue Devils. A rape/Duke joke...you better believe it.

As far as my bracket goes, I've got 6 of my Elite 8 teams left (damn USC and Pitt) and all of my Final Four...we'll see how it goes. But, as a true fan of the sport, I'd rather see great games than root for my bracket any day. I recommend you do it, too. See you tomorrow for some Middle Finger-y goodness.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

What's up with all the love for the Big Ten. Am I at the right blog? Even I was surprised at the success of the Big Ten. As you said, Purdue played well even though they lost and MSU and Wisconsin were very impressive. Everyone is playing for second, though, as North Carolina would beat the Miami Heat.

-Damman

GMoney said...

You couldn't be more wrong, Damman. There are 6-7 teams that could beat the Miami Heat.

You owe Glick a new couch.

Anonymous said...

He can buy a new couch with his college basketball winnings.

-Damman

Tony B. said...

I hate USC. What a terrible pick that ruined my entire bracket. The Trojans just became the 2nd team I can't trust right behind the Kansas Jayhawks.

Anonymous said...

The Big Ten is looking solid this year. I agree that Purdue will cruise thru the conference next year. They are young and scrappy. A little more experience would have taken them a long ways in this years tourney. I also am really liking my Xavier in the final four pick.

-Burgei

stonybrown said...

There is a special room in Hell reserved for Tim Brando. Everytime he does something, the Devil will shout out some inane statement he's had in a notebook that he scribbled in for the whole season. Tim gets up to relieve himself and the Devil yells out "HE AIN'T MARLON BRANDO'S BOY!!"

Or something equally stupid.

By the way. Pitt got jobbed in that game. Neitzel is a shave-headed little loser.