Monday, March 03, 2008
I should preface this by saying that I really do like his writing. God knows that I am envious of a guy whose entire life is based around writing about the NFL. His Monday Morning QB articles are must reads for me each week during the NFL season. But I do have issues with him right now. Why on Earth is he still writing the article? The NFL season has been over for a month yet he still keeps cranking out long-winded pieces. And let's be honest, over the past month, it's all been drivel. It came to a head yesterday. His entire 5 page article was nothing but trash and stupid remarks. Take a vacation, sir. We don't need this stuff anymore, take a break. Go spend some time with your family or take a long walk through Newark dodging bullets and nuclear waste. Think about how much it sucks to be an alumnus of the cesspool known as Ohio University. Do anything, I don't care, just stop authoring bullshit.
This week's Middle Finger goes to the usually highly-acclaimed football journalist, Sports Illustrated's own, Peter King.
Let's just go through this, one by one, and discuss all the stupid shit that flowed from the laptop of Peter King this week. Since I am always right, I feel that I am more than qualified to dissect his work. Shall we?
***He believes that the Browns have two promising QB's locked up for the next 3 years. First of all, Derek Anderson sucks. The Browns played the worst schedule of all time last season and he still threw 19 picks and sat home for the playoffs because he couldn't beat the Raiders, Cardinals, or Bengals on the road. Brady Quinn embarrasses himself more and more with each EAS or Subway commercial that he does.
***Says that the Browns plan on using the 800 pound Sean Rogers at defensive end. There is no fucking way that Humpty Dumpty Crennel will use that wide load in a speed rushing position.
***Thinks that it's going to be fun to watch the Browns this year...ummm, ok, obviously he isn't forced to watch all of their games on local TV. I will enjoy watching them actually play decent teams this season and be back to their 6 win seasons.
***King doesn't believe that new 49ers DE, Justin Smith, is worth 45 million over 6 years. I could go either way on this statement, but if I'm a 49er fan (like sometimes blog commenter, burgei), I support it. Smith has a big motor and is easily one of the 5 best defensive free agents this offseason. I like the signing for the 49ers, they needed a speed rusher. It should also be noted that he was more outraged by this signing than the abortion contract offered to Donte Stallworth.
***He's shocked that Lance Briggs is back with the Bears. Clearly, he doesn't realize that athletes are fucking idiots. Does he not see any correlation between Briggs bawling and Kobe Bryant acting like a baby this past offseason? In the end, the athlete almost always blinks first in a staring contest with ownership.
***He goes on forever and ever about passing of Steelers legendary voice, Myron Cope. Let's be honest, no one had ever heard of this guy outside of Pittsburgh. I didn't even read the snippet about him. It's like when my grandma tells me about people that have recently died even though I have no idea who she's talking about. You act like you're paying attention, but really, you are trying to visualize how different your life would be if you could dunk.
***Somewhat agreed with MERRILL HOGE that if the Pats did tape the Rams before the Super Bowl, that they should have their title taken away. There is no excuse for even listening to Merrill Hoge let alone forming an opinion based on his beliefs.
***For the 502nd week in a row, he wished Brett Favre the best of luck in whatever decision he decides to make. Ugh, whether it be Favre, Tom Brady, or Peyton, King has got to be a professional deep throat artist. The way that he verbally fellates these three every week is embarrassing.
***He saw Juno this week and claims that he will see every movie that Ellen Page does for the rest of his life. Well, get ready Petey, because in 3 years you will be going to the XXX theatres in New Jersey watching Page and Diablo Cody co-star in A-bonement.
***He finally saw and episode of Family Guy this week and loved it. Way to strike while the iron is hot, Peter. You know what else is a great new show??? Seinfeld!
Well, Peter, you didn't lose a fan this week as I will still read you because I'm pathetic. But come on, we don't need this shit every week during the offseason. Enjoy your Middle Finger, I'll even put a streak of gray on the top so you know it's yours. Oh yeah, one more time, your alma mater sucks.