Monday, March 24, 2008

The Middle Finger: Chicago Bulls

In case you have forgotten, there is more hoops being played right now than just the college brand. Yes, the NBA is still around even though no one is watching (honestly, I haven't been watching either). Now although we attacked the Miami Heat two weeks ago to the day for just flat out giving up and being the definition of "quitter", today we throw on our matador uniform and take on a true piece of shit. You could make the case that this group of guys still try maybe once or twice a week, but you definitely don't want your kids idolizing them. They have pretty much been a carbon copy for being the most thuggish and selfish team in the league this season (yes, even worse than the Knicks). Today, we're going to explain why they suck balls on and off the court.

This week's Middle Finger goes to the once proud Chicago Bulls and their band of vagabonds.

Let's just remember that before the season, many of the so-called experts had them in the FINALS this year (including me) yet now they are losing their way into the 8 seed in the grotesquely awful Eastern Conference.

But let's talk about these classy individuals for a minute or two. Seriously, has any team ever had this many self-imposed player suspensions? It's one-a-freaking week now. Bulls fans can almost look at a calendar, see that it's Saturday, and expect to hear a report on ESPN Radio 1000 about which player is being forced to stay at home without pay that night. Way to be a professional. And of course, now we know that professional-douchebag-wannabe-Manu Ginobili-annoying-flopper guy, Andres Nocioni, is the most recent piss-pants baby.

After playing about three minutes in the second quarter of Saturday night's game against the Pacers before being lifted, Nocioni yelled at head coach and clearly a strong disciplinarian Jim Boylan, who then sent him to the locker room. Ummm, Nocioni blows. He should be thankful that he got in at all. He plays less than Larry Hughes does but apparently he feels entitled to bitch about his minutes. I don't know why, but when I read about this, it got me thinking of my 8th grade basketball career when my boy Rune showed up halfway through a tournament game. The convo went something like this:
Coach: Where were you?
Rune: Saturday School!

Damn near blew the roof off the gym...great stuff. I really should just dedicate this blog to middle school hoops. Anyway, where was I, oh yeah, a team worse than my 8th grade basketball team.

Rookie Joakim "Jo-No" Noah, who has moved into a starter's role after the Wallace trade, was suspended for two games in January after a verbal outburst at assistant coach Ron Adams in practice. It was initially a one-game suspension, but his Bulls teammates voted to extend it for an extra game. Yep, the one guy that actually wants to go out and win every game gets bitch-slapped for showing emotion. Now this is a team that you can really get behind! The chances are pretty good that every single reader of mine hates Noah, and I can see why you would, but the guy busts his ass on every possession. The league would be a lot better if everyone played that hard and had that strong of a will to just get a W. Cliff Livingston must be rolling over in his grave (NOTE - Livingston may or may not be dead). WHAT TIME IS IT!?!?!?

Tyrus Thomas, apparently unhappy with his playing time, was suspended by the team for two games after skipping practice earlier this month. What the hell is this shit? These prima donnas don't play hard anyway when they're on the floor (and I've got a crappy record to prove that) yet gripe about sitting. Isn't that what they want? Ugh.

Chris Duhon missed a March 9 shootaround after being spotted the night before in Durham, N.C., at the North Carolina-Duke game. Duhon was benched for one game and inactive for another and fined. His playing time had been reduced since Larry Hughes' arrival (that's the NBA's way of telling you that should get your real estate license soon) and he angered Bulls officials with a comment that "I haven't been playing a lot anyway" after missing the shootaround. It's hard to lump Duhon in with the others though, we have no idea how strong the power of The Devil Rat is and his tractor beam is always bringing his decent players back to Durham for some oral satisfaction. For you idiots out there, I'm saying that Coach K and his former players are all lovers on The River Styx.

I said this two week's ago and it still rings true right now, this is exactly why people will never come back to the NBA. The bad apples ruin it for all the good guys in the league. You can have as many Tim Duncan's, LeBron's, Chris Paul's, etc., but you can always point to the Knicks disaster, the Heat quitting, and the Bulls having a team full of bitches as what defines the NBA. As great as this season has been, it will always have the shadow of bad decisions/sportsmanship/Tim Donaghy hanging over it. And it's unfortunate.

Thank you, Chicago Bulls. Your general disarray and complete lack of integrity is something that we can all be proud of. So enjoy this week's Middle all suck anyway, perhaps next year you can show up to training camp with some backbone and desire to win/entertain ON the court. Maybe then I won't embarrass myself with some wild preseason prediction.

Hey, Rat!!! What's your opinion on the current state of the Bulls? No comment, huh?

***This picture is still ranked #1 as Worst Picture Ever.


Upstate Underdog said...

is that a chick in the OSU hoodie?

J Beanie said...

Those are the two best looking OSU fans I've ever seen.

GMoney said...

Be nice, they are two of NW Ohio's finest. Northwest Signal, bitches!!!

Tony B. said...

Does Frosty Boy still exist? That was a great place to go to get ice cream in a mini baseball hat cup after an awful Little League loss.

PS: (This is coming from a Bulls fan) Fuck the current Bulls. In no way do they deserve to go to the playoffs. They shame a once great franchise full of class acts like Dennis Rodman, Craig Hodges, Ron Harper, Stacey King, B.J. Armstrong and Will Purdue.

stonybrown said...

Frosty Boy opened up last weekend for those looking for a cold treat on a rainy 30 degree day.

Cold Kid rules.