Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Hump Day Hump

Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, the "You're damn right that today is my last day of work this week...and I even came in early" Edition.

***Houston, we have a problem - First of all, how witty am I for using that line on you! A NASA joke! Amazing! Anywho, the Rockets had their 22 game winning streak ended at the hands of the hated Celtics last night. You have to give them credit, they aren't very good, lost their best player for the season, and feature professional choker T-Mac on their squadron. I applaud the insane efforts. I just wish those green and white dirty butts weren't the ones that brought the streak to a halt. I'm sure that all 12 of their real fans are ecstatic. You know, because Bostonians only support clubs that are good. Oh right, stay on topic, the Rockets aren't going to win a playoff series again this year.

***Is this the first time that anyone named Glenn insulted another human being? - Since we were just talking about the Celtics, we might as well touch on Kevin Garnett. T-Wolves front office crazy person, Glenn Taylor, told the media yesterday that Garnett "tanked" it last season. Wow. I applaud your move sir. The only problem is that now KG will likely play even harder than ever and that's not good for the rest of the league. But does Taylor make a good argument? Probably, the Wolves were awful last year and I'm sure that KG was trying to force himself out of there in some ways. I love it when idiots start shooting off at the mouth about qualified and credited pro,s, it's like if I were to mock Peter King's writing...hmmm, Glenn Taylor and I are one in the same. And how dare KG posterize my boy, Arvydas Sabonis!!!

***Does anyone really like this guy? - First things first, I used to like him. I thought that he was funny, I thought that he cared about winning. Not anymore, FUCK CHAD JOHNSON. What is this asshole's deal anyway? He pops up everywhere spewing trash on the Bengals (strong candidate for worst organization ever). He tries to seek trades through the media. Rumor has it that he punched Marvin Lewis in the face during his only playoff game. And now he is saying that he is "uncertain if he will be in Cincy" next year. Ummm, I'm no fancy big city lawyer, but I believe he is under contract to be in the Nasti next season. Why, oh why, do the Bengals still put up with his shit anyway? Honestly, they would be better off trading him for a 4th round pick just to clean the garbage out of the locker room. I am almost certain, not uncertain like Ocho Cinco, that Chad Johnson will never be on a team that wins a playoff game. Hall of Famer my ass. He'll be picking up trash in ten years.

***The Yankees are classier than your team - Pretty good stuff out of Blacksburg, VA yesterday with the Yankees coming into VT to pay tribute to those who suffered in that bizarre shooting and played the Hokies in baseball. Even Big Stein got into the mix by donating a million dollars. Good for your crazy ass! I only wonder, did Big Stein demand that Cotton Eyed Joe or YMCA be played immediately after the moment of silence? But seriously, good for the Yankees for trying to help out, even if it was a meaningless baseball game. We outside of that area have already forgotten about the tragic events of that day but that community has to live it every single day. It also doesn't help ease their pain that the Red Sox have named that shithead gunman their Opening Day starter in Japan this season. You see, I have no class either.

***Hey, that happened to me once - I am doing a March Madness free post today, and this is about college hoops but not the Dance so I think that we're OK here. The Florida Gators were practicing for their upcoming NIT game against a team that will surely beat them when Billy Donovan had seen enough. That's right, he straight booted them off the court. That reminds me of my ballin' years when this dynamo 8th grade PG got our team kicked out of practice by our awesome, yet booger-eating, coach. I still think that I was right in the situation that will not be discussed because it isn't really funny. But nevertheless, everyone on the team loved it that we got out of practice early (without having to run sprints!!) and they all chipped in and purchased me the finest Vietnamese prostitute that Napoleon, Ohio had to offer. Which just so happens to be a middle-aged white guy named Dougie but that's another story. Long story short, getting kicked out of practice is a good thing. We were OK that year as a scrappy middle school franchise, the Gators will be OK, too.

***You've got respect a guy who thinks that Happy Gilmore was real - You know what, fuck you, you're getting an NHL blurb today. I don't know much (but I know I love you--Aaron Neville, yeah!!!) about the NHL in general, but I know that Chris Pronger was a star in this league at some point in his career. That's whay I found it funny that he has been suspended for a handful of games for stomping on an opponent's leg with his skate. First of all, Jesus!, he should be charged with attempted murder. That would hurt like hell. Secondly, you would think that the entire league would have learned from the Richard Zednik "there's blood everywhere" incident that a sharp skate can do serious damage. If Pronger really wants to stab someone with his skate, I'm sure I could pay for a flight to Cincinnati and get him directions to Chad Johnson's house...I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

***More like, Sex and the Sex Tape - To clear things up, yes, I have seen Sex and the City before. An episode here and there doesn't make me gay, does it? But, if this is true, I couldn't be more excited. Rumors are floating that there is a Kristin Davis sex tape out. Nice, she was the only non-horsefaced person on that show anyway. Her reps deny it but that's what they're paid to do. I've seen a few still pics of some of the footage ( and it looks very promising if you are a deviant like every blogger out here is. Come on, Charlotte, just let it become will only help the SitC opening weekend anyway.

Alright, I'm out. I think I'll have some half-assed posts coming the next two days to keep you mongoloids happy. I will be firmly entrenched in a pair of sweatpants on a couch for the rest of the week. Out.


Anonymous said...

Terrelle Pryor making a decision today is not worth a mention? I put this on par with the tournament, Super Bowl, and World Series. Very disappointing, Graig.


Upstate Underdog said...

Watching an episode of Sex & The City here and there does not make you gay. It is inevitable to see parts of a few episodes if you are married or have a girlfriend that liked that shitty show.

However, if you are a guy and faithfully watched that show you obviously love dick in the mouth and ass.

Anonymous said...

screw ocho cinco I hope he does leave town. the Bengals would be much better without him.

GMoney said...

I made a point not to talk about Pryor. You're welcome.

UU, I only watched if it said before hand that there was nudity. I was almost always incredibly disappointed.

jesse, but he's your boy!!!

Anonymous said...

Too bad that crazy Asian didn't have a relative that could have done the same number on the Yankees dug-out yesterday.

GMoney said...

Hilarious, anonymous. I bet you think Dane Cook is funny, too.


J Beanie said...

"Houston we have a problem" hahahahaha! Classic. I'm still laughing.

I think what Glenn meant by "tanking" was "laughing." I'm sure that's what KG did every time he hear the name Glenn. I know I do.

Wouldn't you want out of the Cincy?

Sex in the City + a male watching it = gay. (no exceptions and the substitution formula doesn't work here.)

Anonymous said...

Eighth grade basketball reference! I love it. As epic as getting thrown out of practice was, it was still at best the second funniest thing that happened that season. I'll take Schriner drilling LW in the side of the head during a shooting drill as the highlight of that year.

- Rex

GMoney said...

Rex, Pickle was always a great source of basketball hilarities. I wish I could turn this entire blogging project into stories from middle school/freshman basketball.

Like who could garner the most Glenn (yep, coached by a Glenn) "Asses In The Face" on the bench between Pickle, Rune, and myself. I still can't believe that Glenn didn't recognize my skeeeeelz.

Beanie, I'm not defending myself. The fact that I watched that show on occasion clearly does show that I'm gay.

Anonymous said...

Pryor is a Buckeye! Looks like 4 more years of kicking Michigan's ass.


GMoney said...

Who cares about that? What is really important is that it looks like the RedHawks will have more than just a puncher's chance of winning up at The Big Retirement Home this Fall.

flohtingPoint said...

Beanie, I'm not defending myself. The fact that I watched that show on occasion clearly does show that I'm gay.

Ah man, when I was on the plane to my duty station in Germany, the only thing on my laptop was the 1st season of Sex and the City... The only way I can explain the experience is to quote Frank from 30Rock, "Dude! I’m exhausted. I stayed up all night watching a Designing Women marathon. Yeah, at first I hated it. And then I liked it. Then I hated it again. Then I got horny, and then I fell asleep."

saul hudson said...

Taking two days off for some hoops is Awesome. Well played. Thanks for not mentioning Pryor! Sure enough with the get down.