Monday, February 18, 2008
Nobody knows who this guy is.
I'm trying...trust me. Hell, I'm even doing some NASCAR fantasy leagues this year to see if I'm missing out on something. I watched all of the Daytona 500 yesterday and I'm still left with the same feeling that I've always had about the pseudo-sport.
It sucks. It blows. It simultaneously sucks and blows.
When you have your "Super Bowl" taking place, people shouldn't be falling asleep in the middle of it. And that is exactly what happened in our living room yesterday.
Ryan Newman, that's him on the left but don't worry because you'll likely never hear about him again, won the big race. I've got to think that NASCAR was pissed. You've got to believe that they wanted one of their stars to win, but it was not meant to be. The guy hadn't won anything in over 80 races. At least he is consistent. I'm fairly certain that he has no personality which is why we never hear about him. It's kid of like if the Tampa Bay Bucs would have won the Super Bowl this year. People would have watched but after it's conclusion, no one would remember and would regret wasting 4 hours on that crap. Kind of like Brian Billick's title!
A big screw you goes out to Fox for saying that the race was to start at 2, lying about it, and having what felt like 3 days of pre-race coverage. Yeah, that's exciting, really long segments where morons talk about carburators. And who the hell thought it was a good idea to dig up Chubby Checker??? He was shaking (and lip-synching) more than his twin brother, Muhammad Ali (too soon?). I bet every redneck tailgate was singing along to "Let's Twist Again" out in the parking lot before the race. Way to know your audience, Fox. And that was one sweet Canadian tuxedo that Mr. Checker was wearing as well.
Congratulations to Darrell Waltrip! How a guy who obviously can't read or speak rational words gets on TV is something that you have to applaud. What the bloody fuck does "boogity, boogity, boogity" mean? Someone, anyone? He's an idiot. He spent 4 hours talking in poor, dumb country folk and used about every hillbilly metaphor he could think of. What a dipshit.
I've long made the stand that racing isn't a sport and the drivers sure as hell aren't athletes. I'm right, deal with it. And my point was proven yesterday. In what other sport does one of their top 3 athletes weigh 600 pounds??? Did you see Tony Stewart The Hut? He's a freaking lard-ass! I thought he did the Jared Subway diet! There is no way in Hell that he could climb through the window into his car. I heard they had to call in the Jaws of Life to get him out after the race. But, you know what they say, only real athletes train on bacon grease and deep-friend candy bars. Oh yeah, nice hair, tough guy.
Well, my NASCAR quota has been met for the year and I couldn't be happier. If I want to be bored, I'll watch the NBA. At least it won't put me to sleep. By the way, LeBron James did more damage in New Orleans last night than----I better not make that joke. He's way too good though.
Anyway, in conclusion, congrats to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (or whatever this guy's name was, I kept calling him Randy Newman) for winning the Super Bowl. See you all in Daytona next year for another nap!!!