Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Middle Finger: Hank Steinbrenner



I'm doing this for you all today. I can see the forest through the trees here. Someone just opened up his big fat mouth again. Even though he is my owner, I'm not stupid. I know that he's an idiot. I know that he knows nothing about baseball and is determined to run the Yankees into the ground. But I'm not going to slam him. No. I'm going to let him do it himself. Below are some snippets from some interviews that I will not link to because I'm too lazy. You tell me, is he crazy or stupid?

This week's Middle Finger goes to the finger-pointing Hank Steinbrenner.

"But as far as missing the playoffs - if we miss the playoffs by the end of this year, I don't know how patient I'll be. But it won't be against the players. It won't be a matter of that. It will be a matter of maybe certain people in the organization could have done something else.''--Alright!!! Who doesn't love a boss that openly threatens his employees?

"There's a famous line from the movie 'Patton' where Patton has gotten himself in trouble again by saying something to the press. And he told his aide, his captain, 'The next time I start to do something like that stop me,''' Steinbrenner said. "Then the guy says, 'Well, I'll give you a gentle nudge.' And he says, 'No, you give me a swift kick in the ass.' So I told Brian that one time.''--Brian Cashman has the worst best job in the world...there is no doubt.

"Don't make any mistake about it: Our team in the late 90s beat everybody, and we beat everybody because we were that much better than everybody,'' he said. "And they had just as many players doing stuff - all the teams. I guarantee you go through every team in baseball, and they all have the same basic percentage of players doing stuff. They just weren't as good as us. You think the Red Sox didn't have players doing stuff back then? Give me a ... break. They just weren't as good as us, and neither was anybody else.''--You've got to love that Steinbrenner charm. Other players were doing stuff, too, but it didn't matter because we were too good!!! What a quote! Sweet dig on the Red Sox, too.

"If I didn't get my schoolwork done I'd be in study hall, but I'd be reading Churchill's memoirs or I'd be reading the racing form,'' he said. "You know - sneaking.''--That makes sense, you know, because you aren't very intelligent and all.

"I'm no super scout or super expert, but he's the greatest clutch hitter I've ever seen since we've owned the team, anywhere in baseball,'' Steinbrenner said. "Reggie was more just strictly home runs, though. A lot of strikeouts as well. I'm not so sure seventh game of the World Series, bottom of the ninth, if I wouldn't want Mattingly up there ahead of anybody else. The only other two would be Reggie and Brett, George Brett. But was far as getting any kind of hit necessary, Mattingly would be your guy.''--Look, I love Don Mattingly just as much as the next guy, but don't sit there straight-faced and tell me that he was clutch. You could ask a thousand Yankee fans to describe Donnie Baseball and not one of them would say that he was deadly in the clutch. Hell, every single time he's been with the Yankees they have fallen flat on their faces. Fair, no. True, of course.

"Everybody that knows sports knows football is tailor-made for performance-enhancing drugs. I don't know how they managed to skate by. It irritates me. Don't tell me it's not more prevalent. The number in football is at least twice as many. Look at the speed and size of those players."--This is from yesterday's release where he calls out the NFL for no apparent reason. What a weirdo. When in doubt, blame someone else!

"You've got to win,'' he said. "Otherwise, there's no reason being in it.''--Ah, the old Steinbrenner moxie that we Yankees fans have grown to love and our enemies will always hate.



As you can see, Hank Steinbrenner is insane. And this isn't a large sample size of quotes. This was yesterday's press release and an interview with the AP. The man should not be allowed to be quoted because it always ends in disaster. Enjoy this week's Middle Finger from my readers, Hank. Your actions are soon going to make all of us forget about your father entirely.

OH!!! I can't find the quote but Hank has also said that his favorite actress is Jennifer Love Hewitt. Wow. I finally know of someone that watches Ghost Whisperer. Maybe you don't deserve a Middle Finger after all...maybe a Texas Chili Bowl is more fitting (it involves tabasco sauce, a phone, and an anus).

49 comments:

Anonymous said...

I truly hope Hank is not going to bring down the Yankees franchise. At least I hope he doesn't do it to the point of them not making the playoffs any more. Because it is truly great to see them fall on their face in the playoffs every year.

I do think that he may be crazier than his dad. It will be great the first time they lose 3 or 4 in a row. He will go nuts and Girardi (who really got along well with his previous owner) will tell him to fuck off as he is known for being quite the hot head himself. It should be an interesting summer in the Bronx. Bronx is Burning Part II?

-Damman

Upstate Underdog said...

No wonder Joe Toree got the fuck out of there.

Upstate Underdog said...

*Torre

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Anonymous said...

No apparent reason?

The reason the NFL implemented steroid tested 20 years ago was because THEY NEEDED IT 20 YEARS AGO!!! That is how far ahead of the PED curve the NFL is, and always will be. The is no practical test for HGH yet in existence. After steroid testing started in the NFL it players had allready moved on to the next wave of PEDs, which included HGH and designer steroids that were not originally detectable in urine tests. By the time a useful HGH test comes into existence NFL players will have allready moved on to the next wave of PEDs. Here in lies the rub. The science/players are always ahead of the game.

It so totally figures that when someone with some national profile FINALLY speaks up and talks about something that no one wants to admit he'll just be painted as an old kook. But we all know that he is right.

This is not just a baseball problem. It is a sports problem. It is a societal problem.

rstiles said...

I am a Yankees fan, and I am a little worried about Hank...he looks weird...he has that small mouth and a saggy fat face...

I'm not comfortable yet with Hank..

H. Guide said...

I'm really excited about this. Even if it doesn't happen, it shows me the Braves really want to win this year. Lead-off hitter is worth as much or more than a top of rotation pitcher. Anyone who doesn't think so isn't understanding the dynamics and importance of the position. Damon has proven to be one of the best over the years.

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