Thursday, February 07, 2008

Inside Brian McNamee's Vault



I was going to do a tribute to Ed Werder today. It was going to be glorious. But the fact is, I can't find any good info about the beautifully-mustachioed ESPN NFL reporter. I apologize. And since ESPN will now be cryogenically freezing him until the Draft, we will have to wait until the Cowboys are in their War Room before we see him again. God speed, Ed.



Instead, we were granted a sneak peek into Brian McNamee's vault of goodies that incriminate Roger Clemens. I got a chance to look inside before it was all handed over to investigators. Let's just say that the results are interesting and The Rocket has some explaining to do. Follow me here...

--syringes
--vials
--bloody gauze pads
--a half eaten club sandwich
--a VHS copy of Joe Versus The Volcano
--a giant bottle of pills labeled "THESE AREN'T STEROIDS"
--a Steve Vai guitar pick
--in autographed copy of Burt Reynolds' Autobiography titled "My Life"
--a lock of Roy Oswalt's merkin
--a shrunken head
--nude pictures of Suzyn Waldman
--a note from his mother granting Roger permission to use HGH
--a case of Crystal Pepsi
--a Light-Brite
--a wacky, waving, inflatable, arm-flailing tube man
--a 3 Dog Night 8 Track
--nude pictures of John Kruk
--John Kruk's removed testicle
--a canister of David Wells' brand bacon gravy
--KY warming jelly
--proof that Joe Girardi was, in fact, Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer
--the DVD of "Dorf Goes Lying To Congress" starring Tim Conway
--a signed 8X10 of Fabio
--Jim Abbott's missing hand
--a letter from Mark McGwire that only says, "Keep it up, you're doing great. Call me."
--Natalie Holloway
--Joe Torre's removed prostate
--Hank Steinbrenner's sanity
--Dan Duquette's heart
--an unfinished autobiography titled "Put It In My Butt"
--Sour Patch Kids
--fake dog poop
--a box of Big League Chew

Wow, there may be a case against him after all. That is some pretty damning evidence. I mean anyone that owns a "Dorf On" video should serve some time, right? Did I forget anything? Let me know in the comments.

9 comments:

Upstate Underdog said...

Chuck Knoblauch voodoo doll with several pins in his throwing arm.

Anonymous said...

Pictures of Jack Edwards and Robert Goulet.

-Damman

tonyb said...

Jim Palmer's detached retina.

Here's a hell of a headline

Anonymous said...

Terrelle Pryor's letter of intent.

Upstate Underdog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Upstate Underdog said...

@anonymous, I just read Pryor said he delayed signing because he hates attention which is weird because it seems like he is getting more of it because of his delay.

Johnny Jungle said...

Brian Mcnamee is definitely a shady character. He was my professor at St. John's and through our boring 3 hour night class we got by with our laptops and wireless internet provided by St. John's. In our searches we found out his relations to blue jays then yankees and we even found out his police report in the tampa bay paper about his alleged date rape report. It was pretty funnny as I spammed that through the class as class was going on and everyone turning to the back of the class laughing and looking back at me. Mcnamee had no idea what was going on. Eventually we just asked him questions about baseball and steroids was in the news at the time so he asked our opinions.

He went onto say that he didn't think taking HGH was cheating. He said at the age of 21-23 your body produces at 8:1 rate and as you age that rate begins to slow 10:1, 12:1 etc. If you take HGH and Vitamins you can get back to that 8:1 rate even if you are 38. He said its impossible to get caught if you do it right and guys like Jose Canseco went to a 4:1 rate which he said is why the blew up. His justification for it not being cheating is that you aren't doing anything your body couldn't do before.

It was obvious he was talking about Roger Clemens as when he went to Toronto and all of sudden sliding Clemens wins a Cy Young, He goes to the Yankees and so does he. Its just funny it took everyone so long to realize this when every kid in sports economics night class could have told you all this 4 years ago.

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