Thursday, February 07, 2008
I was going to do a tribute to Ed Werder today. It was going to be glorious. But the fact is, I can't find any good info about the beautifully-mustachioed ESPN NFL reporter. I apologize. And since ESPN will now be cryogenically freezing him until the Draft, we will have to wait until the Cowboys are in their War Room before we see him again. God speed, Ed.
Instead, we were granted a sneak peek into Brian McNamee's vault of goodies that incriminate Roger Clemens. I got a chance to look inside before it was all handed over to investigators. Let's just say that the results are interesting and The Rocket has some explaining to do. Follow me here...
--bloody gauze pads
--a half eaten club sandwich
--a VHS copy of Joe Versus The Volcano
--a giant bottle of pills labeled "THESE AREN'T STEROIDS"
--a Steve Vai guitar pick
--in autographed copy of Burt Reynolds' Autobiography titled "My Life"
--a lock of Roy Oswalt's merkin
--a shrunken head
--nude pictures of Suzyn Waldman
--a note from his mother granting Roger permission to use HGH
--a case of Crystal Pepsi
--a wacky, waving, inflatable, arm-flailing tube man
--a 3 Dog Night 8 Track
--nude pictures of John Kruk
--John Kruk's removed testicle
--a canister of David Wells' brand bacon gravy
--KY warming jelly
--proof that Joe Girardi was, in fact, Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer
--the DVD of "Dorf Goes Lying To Congress" starring Tim Conway
--a signed 8X10 of Fabio
--Jim Abbott's missing hand
--a letter from Mark McGwire that only says, "Keep it up, you're doing great. Call me."
--Joe Torre's removed prostate
--Hank Steinbrenner's sanity
--Dan Duquette's heart
--an unfinished autobiography titled "Put It In My Butt"
--Sour Patch Kids
--fake dog poop
--a box of Big League Chew
Wow, there may be a case against him after all. That is some pretty damning evidence. I mean anyone that owns a "Dorf On" video should serve some time, right? Did I forget anything? Let me know in the comments.