Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Hump Day Hump

Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, the "Coach K has tremendous gas pain" Edition.

***Roy Williams doesn't take too kindly to Coach K - Pretty funny stuff out of North Carolina actually...Roy Williams is pissed at Duke. Apparently, the Polish Assassin made some snide remarks regarding the Heels injury reports. Williams took exception to a comment made by Krzyzewski on Sunday that the Blue Devils don't discuss injuries "unlike other schools." This, of course, resulted in Williams making some hillbilly analogy in which he says "dadgum". This is great. Look, who cares about injury reports anyway? This rivalry is great enough as it is, we don't need the coaches to start trading barbs in the media about whether Tyler Hansbrough has sand in his vagina. For some reason, I find this incredibly funny.

***Mark Cuban isn't the smartest guy in the world - So Jason Kidd has now been officially traded to Dallas...I don't like it. To me, it doesn't make any sense for the Mavs. With the exception of leadership and punching women, Devin Harris is better (and obviously a lot younger) than Kidd. And when you throw in Diop, two first rounders, and a raw but talented Mo Ager, the Nets really raped the Mavs. I just don't get it. Kidd isn't that good anymore. The Lakers hit a walk-off grand slam with their trade for Gasol and now everyone in the West wants to make a splash even if it doesn't make sense and cripples the future of their teams. I fully expect Danny Ferry to trade King James to the Nets for Keith Van Horn now.

***If you have an AARP card, Bill Belichick wants you - It appears that the slow and wildly overrated and oft-injured Zach Thomas will be signing with New England soon. Why? What was the main problem that the Pats defense had this past season? Old, slow linebackers. The solution, bring in another one. Why do they think that a guy that the Dolphins didn't want anymore would be a good fit for them? Belichick is just a pompous ass. I hope someone strangles him with a hooded sweatshirt. Oh yeah, where was I, Zach Thomas sucks. He's going to try and piggyback a won't work, nor should it.

***Aramis Ramirez loves the cock...fighting - I had no idea about this before I was scouring the wire this morning but apparently A-Ram refused to answer any questions about this yesterday at casa de Cubs. Reports suggest that when back in the Dominican Republic, he has partook in a cockfight or two. Good for you! I realize that it isn't illegal down there, but have some common fucking sense, will ya. American businesses don't like to give their money to people that do that kind of shit. I hate the Cubs. I hope we get another 100 years of them being losers. And Ron Santo sucks, too.

***Ryan Perrilloux just doesn't get it - Fresh off LSU's dominating performance against a crappy team in the BCS title game (HA!), the sometimes back-up/sometimes starting QB decided to celebrate in a different fashion than his teammates. He decided to not go to any classes or team meetings! Perrilloux is now suspended indefinitely, which means nothing, because he will surely be the starter come Fall. Football players are fucking idiots, by the way. It almost seems like a daily occurrence that I say that but it still rings true. The only good excuse Perrilloux could have for skipping everything is if he was hanging out with the Tiger fan that Damman has a picture that is something I could approve of. Maybe if you all are nice, I could upload that pic someday.

***Tim Mayerbock is a hell of a guy - By now, we have all heard about the shooting at Northern Illinois last week. Please, read this article on Good job, Tim.

***A revolution in Columbus - Really quick on this one, but Blue Jackets fans are pissed. This is just one more reason that the NHL doesn't get it. Normally, the CBJ ask their season ticket owners to re-up in late April. This year, March 7th. Why? Because if our TWELFTH place team happens to make the playoffs (they won't), you won't get your seat for the playoff games if you don't re-up for next year. Fucking idiots. You can't treat your fans like this and hold them hostage. I wish that Ken Hitchcock still had his mustache.

***That's a pretty liberal definition of celebrity - Dancing with the Stars has announced their "roster" for this upcoming season. The list includes Priscilla Presley (Naked Gun!), Kristi Yamaguchi, Adam Corolla (this could be pretty funny), Marlee Matlin (she's deaf, but she can read lips and is a decent tennis ball-girl), Shannon Elizabeth (ugh, nice career), Steve Guttenberg (GUTTENBERG!!!), Cristian de la Fuente (who?), and Marissa Jaret Winokur (who?); tennis champion Monica Seles (taking a STAB at dancing, eh), magician Penn Jillette (annoying), R&B singer Mario (who?) and Miami Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor (you are a loser). May God have mercy on us all. Moms everywhere have to be pumped up.


Anonymous said...

Don't blame the NHL for the Poo Jacket's idiocy. The PJ's have shown that they are going to follow in the foot steps of such great organizations as the Detroit Lions, Arizona Cardinals, Kansas City Royals and Memhpis Grizzlies...they will never get it until they get a new starts from the top.


Anonymous said...

Monica Seles taking a STAB at dancing. That may be your best line of all time. Put me down for Kristi Yamoguchi winning it all.

The Williams/Coach K thing is greatly funny. Just another reason to hate both schools. But did you hear since this whole thing started, Williams is listed as doubtful tonight because of sore throat while it's speculated Coach K also is feeling the affects of his childish behavior had has tummy ache but that can not be confirmed since they don't talk about injuries.

J Beanie

GMoney said...

Drew, please explain the issues with the CBJ's owner? Is he hockey's version of Donald Sterling or is he an idiot like Dan Snyder? Rick Nash DID crush your Wings the other night though.

Thanks, beanie, I haven't had a good tasteless joke like that in a long time.

Anonymous said...

Nice STAB at the Cubs Gmoney! Don't be jealous of Aram!. WE all are just waiting for another Bling Bling vs GMoney a.k.a Sackman cockfight. Barnes is the referee I here.

I can care less about the whole injury thing between Williams and Coach K. I hate ROY anyways.

That was a great line about Monica on Dancing with the Stars.

Anonymous said...

Rick Nash isn't worthy of licking a Red Wings fan's anus.

As for the PJ's owner. He's just like the Ford family in Detroit. He's willing to give too many chances to horrible management. It was obvious after three years that Doug Maclean needed to be fired...he stayed on for what three or four more years? Then what happens is, you start a rebuilding cycle with the new management that just puts you back at square one.

They have an OK front office now, but if they re-sign Adam Foote then it pretty much shows they haven't learned anything. Everyone also talks about all the money they will have to spend this summer, but they can't even spend close to the NHL they will be bringing in a couple high-price free agents to peak the fan interest instead of signing 4-5 mid-range guys that would give them more depth on the lines or defense.

I don't know...more often then night when you have a complete hands-off owner...your organization sucks. We'll see how this Howson guy does, but he hasn't done too much to impress me yet and the Oilers organization that he came from has the second worst record in the NHL right now.


Tony B. said...

Ouch! What's wrong with Ron Santo? He sold both of his legs for a Cubs Championship, and they still can't get it done. A-Ram's probably not going to be with the Cubs past once the Vitters kid comes through the ranks. I won't shed a tear when his cockfighting ass is gone.

Upstate Underdog said...

Steve Guttenberg is still alive ? Who knew ?

Anonymous said...

Tony - That Vitters kid is supposed to be the real deal someday. Guess we'll just have to wait and see. Like him or Hate him, that was a harsh thing to say about Ron Santo.

Gmoney - as for Jason Kidd. The guy can still play, he is nearly averaging a triple double? Guess that is no good these days. I do like Devan harris, he does have a bright future ahead of him.

Tony B. said...

Monica Seles taking a STAB at dancing like Ron Santo taking a diabetic loss of legs at announcing. The inappropriateness doesn't stop.

PS: I'm a huge Cub fan and own the "This Old Cub" DVD about Ron Santo. He is, in fact, the man.

Anonymous said...

Same here too. Im a huge Cubs fan as well. Don't own this old cub , but have seen parts of it. Ron is the man!