Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.
This week, the "Coach K has tremendous gas pain" Edition.
***Roy Williams doesn't take too kindly to Coach K - Pretty funny stuff out of North Carolina actually...Roy Williams is pissed at Duke. Apparently, the Polish Assassin made some snide remarks regarding the Heels injury reports. Williams took exception to a comment made by Krzyzewski on Sunday that the Blue Devils don't discuss injuries "unlike other schools." This, of course, resulted in Williams making some hillbilly analogy in which he says "dadgum". This is great. Look, who cares about injury reports anyway? This rivalry is great enough as it is, we don't need the coaches to start trading barbs in the media about whether Tyler Hansbrough has sand in his vagina. For some reason, I find this incredibly funny.
***Mark Cuban isn't the smartest guy in the world - So Jason Kidd has now been officially traded to Dallas...I don't like it. To me, it doesn't make any sense for the Mavs. With the exception of leadership and punching women, Devin Harris is better (and obviously a lot younger) than Kidd. And when you throw in Diop, two first rounders, and a raw but talented Mo Ager, the Nets really raped the Mavs. I just don't get it. Kidd isn't that good anymore. The Lakers hit a walk-off grand slam with their trade for Gasol and now everyone in the West wants to make a splash even if it doesn't make sense and cripples the future of their teams. I fully expect Danny Ferry to trade King James to the Nets for Keith Van Horn now.
***If you have an AARP card, Bill Belichick wants you - It appears that the slow and wildly overrated and oft-injured Zach Thomas will be signing with New England soon. Why? What was the main problem that the Pats defense had this past season? Old, slow linebackers. The solution, bring in another one. Why do they think that a guy that the Dolphins didn't want anymore would be a good fit for them? Belichick is just a pompous ass. I hope someone strangles him with a hooded sweatshirt. Oh yeah, where was I, Zach Thomas sucks. He's going to try and piggyback a ring...it won't work, nor should it.
***Aramis Ramirez loves the cock...fighting - I had no idea about this before I was scouring the wire this morning but apparently A-Ram refused to answer any questions about this yesterday at casa de Cubs. Reports suggest that when back in the Dominican Republic, he has partook in a cockfight or two. Good for you! I realize that it isn't illegal down there, but have some common fucking sense, will ya. American businesses don't like to give their money to people that do that kind of shit. I hate the Cubs. I hope we get another 100 years of them being losers. And Ron Santo sucks, too.
***Ryan Perrilloux just doesn't get it - Fresh off LSU's dominating performance against a crappy team in the BCS title game (HA!), the sometimes back-up/sometimes starting QB decided to celebrate in a different fashion than his teammates. He decided to not go to any classes or team meetings! Perrilloux is now suspended indefinitely, which means nothing, because he will surely be the starter come Fall. Football players are fucking idiots, by the way. It almost seems like a daily occurrence that I say that but it still rings true. The only good excuse Perrilloux could have for skipping everything is if he was hanging out with the Tiger fan that Damman has a picture of...now that is something I could approve of. Maybe if you all are nice, I could upload that pic someday.
***Tim Mayerbock is a hell of a guy - By now, we have all heard about the shooting at Northern Illinois last week. Please, read this article on ESPN.com. Good job, Tim.
***A revolution in Columbus - Really quick on this one, but Blue Jackets fans are pissed. This is just one more reason that the NHL doesn't get it. Normally, the CBJ ask their season ticket owners to re-up in late April. This year, March 7th. Why? Because if our TWELFTH place team happens to make the playoffs (they won't), you won't get your seat for the playoff games if you don't re-up for next year. Fucking idiots. You can't treat your fans like this and hold them hostage. I wish that Ken Hitchcock still had his mustache.
***That's a pretty liberal definition of celebrity - Dancing with the Stars has announced their "roster" for this upcoming season. The list includes Priscilla Presley (Naked Gun!), Kristi Yamaguchi, Adam Corolla (this could be pretty funny), Marlee Matlin (she's deaf, but she can read lips and is a decent tennis ball-girl), Shannon Elizabeth (ugh, nice career), Steve Guttenberg (GUTTENBERG!!!), Cristian de la Fuente (who?), and Marissa Jaret Winokur (who?); tennis champion Monica Seles (taking a STAB at dancing, eh), magician Penn Jillette (annoying), R&B singer Mario (who?) and Miami Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor (you are a loser). May God have mercy on us all. Moms everywhere have to be pumped up.