Friday, February 08, 2008

Geek, Dweeb, Or Spazz

Do you all remember when Saturday Night Live was funny? I know, I know, it's been years (it directly coorelates to when they tried to stuff the dreadful Seth Meyers down our throats). But you remember the sketch "Geek, Dweeb or Spazz", right? They brought out some weirdo and had 3 contestants judge them based on their hobbies and mannerisms and whatnot. I figured, why the hell can't I do that, too? I'm busting out 5 athletes or people in the sporting world and we can judge them together. So sit back and enjoy the ride because "It's gonna be shweeeeeeet."

Roger Clemens - I used to really like Roger. Now, I just wish he would go away. Go live on some other planet with Mark McGwire and Gary Glitter. Roger collects pictures of unicorns and watches nothing but Monty Python movies.

Tyler Hansbrough - Contrary to Roger, I have NEVER liked "Psycho T". As I've said before on this very blog, yes, he has a big motor. But he's a terrible shooter with no post game. He runs around like a chicken with it's head cut-off (hillbilly metaphor!!!). Tyler wears suspenders and attends all of his classes.

Jeff Gordon - In case you haven't noticed, and judging by your full set of teeth, you haven't, NASCAR starts up again next weekend. So let's take a look at everyone's favorite possibly gay punching bag, The Rainbow Warrior. Personally, I know nothing about racin', but I say I'm a Gordon fan just to see people's reactions. They think that I enjoy the taste of a man's genitals. Jeff wears cut-off t-shirts, drinks Mountain Dew, and teaches remedial math to fellow drivers that dropped out of school in the 3rd grade.

Curt Schilling - I almost lost control of my bodily functions yesterday when I received a text from this blog's recruiting expert, Drew, saying that Schill was retiring. But, unfortunately, news is out that he may not be done after all. Fuck that. Schilling represents two of my least favorite brand names...Red Sox and Republicans (feel that alliteration run through your veins!). Curt stuffs his underwear with a honey baked ham and thinks that "2 tickets to the gun show" jokes are still funny.
CURT SCHILLING IS...A LARDASS GEEK (and a self-righteous, red state, nutjob prick)

Sam Cassell - There aren't many pictures better than this one. I've always liked Sam I Am and even though he's old, I would still love to see him in a Cavs uniform. If you can think of an uglier person than Sam, I will call you a liar. Cassell enjoys intergalactic travel, Star Trek movies, and Miles Davis.

Hey, that was great. Hell, I'm great. I'm not sure what I'm going to do here on Monday. Since we're doing a quasi-bachelor party on Sunday (featuring Buckeye Basketball Drinking Game and some live NHL action) and I took Monday morning off, we'll see what I come up with. Probably just a link dump or something. Either way, peace out, have a good weekend. Go to Hell, Curt Schilling. I'd like to thank Annie Lennox and Al mom sitting at home watching this. Good night, New York!!!


Anonymous said...

Gmoney that was some good reading there. Had me rollin'

When is your wedding date by the way?

Schillng is DONE!

GMoney said...

August 1, plenty of time!!!

Anonymous said...

Clemens with that buzz cut looks like Lee Nicol. I'll give myself a pat on the back for that one. He decide to get it buzzed after the great Trot Nixon took him deep in the playoffs.


rstiles said...

Sam Cassell is one ugly dude, but he is a baller big time...I love when he hits a winning shot and runs around acting likehe has big onions...LMAO!!!

Fuck Cunt Schilling....he is a prick...

Amaysing1 said...

This guy has Sam 'E.T.' Cassell beat, hands-down.

Johnny Jungle said...

how can you dislike hansbrough? he is just brut strength and awkward and gets it done and dominates. I love the kids intensity and fire. I'd want him on my team and I'm not an UNC fan in the slightest bit.