Thursday, February 14, 2008

Dishing Out Awards

Wow, that was one hell of a heated discussion regarding 90210/Saved By The Bell yesterday. Keep a lid on it though today people, we will approach that again tomorrow.

Today, I'm unveiling my favorite and most hated college hoops teams. With a month left before the Madness begins, it's time to recognize and degrade some amatuer athletes. It's what I do best. First up, the good...

The 2007-2008 Chris Lofton All-Stars - a tribute to my favorite player in college hoops

First Team:
G Greg Paulus, Duke - I don't care what everyone says about him, I love him. He's a bulldog that gives his all every minute he's on the floor
G AJ Graves, Butler - Is there anyone else in the country that you would rather have taking a game-winning shot?
G Russell Westbrook, UCLA - the most electric 6th man in the country, he starts on my team
C Luke Harangody, Notre Dame - ugly as sin but he's all heart and made this team last year...he's a shoe-in for Big East player of the year and the Hudda Gerken Look-alike contest
C Kenny George, UNC-Asheville - 7'7" beast that leads the mid-majors in awesomeness

Second Team:
G David Kool, Western Michigan - fantastic name, athletic white combo guard, almost single-handedly beat my RedHawks in double OT on Tuesday with clutch shots
G Robbie Hummel, Purdue - looks like a farmer but has proven to be a stud in a crappy conference
F Jason Thompson, Rider - the best player you haven't heard of...averages 20 and 12 for the Broncs
F David Padgett, Louisville - it's no secret that the Cards (C-A-R-D-S, CARDS!!!) finally began to play well once Padgett returned from injury
C Hasheem Thabeet, UCONN - I love me some blocked shots. Thabeet is the president of the SWAT team this season

The 2007-2008 Tyler Hansbrough Team of Extreme Douchebaggery - yeah, I don't like these guys

First Team:
G Derrick Low, Washington State - a ponytail??? Cut your fucking hair, aging hippie liberal douche
G Jon Scheyer, Duke - I like to think that he was the second gunman on the grassy knoll in the Duke Lacrosse rape case
G Bubba Walther, Ohio - I HATE this guy; he sucks, he's a twig, he does nothing but miss three's, and he plays for my least favorite school ever
F Drew Naymick, Michigan State - if you root for a big white stiff with red hair then I'm sorry, I can not help you...what the hell is he doing in this pic anyway? Gang signs?
C Kosta Koufos, An Ohio State University - go back to Europe (I realize that he's from the thriving Greek metropolis of Canton, OH); 7 footers shouldn't be floating around the perimeter, be a man and get a few rebounds

Second Team:
G Dominic James, Marquette - very overrated player on a very overrated team...Marquette sucks
G Tajuan Porter, Oregon - never met a shot he didn't like...and has missed most of them; I still have no idea what that growth on the side of his face is
F Josh Duncan, Xavier - see my comments on Koufos except add a pussy-ass black guy
F Josh Heytvelt, Gonzaga - you may remember him as the guy that celebrates wins with a fistful of 'shrooms...if you want to do that shit, move to Athens, OH
C Esmir Rizvic, Texas Tech - I always thought that Koufos was the ugliest player in hoops...boy was I wrong. This guy's nose could put an eye out.

Well, there you go. Did I forget someone (not bloody likely)? Let me know in the comments. I'll be back for some more quality discussion tomorrow.


flohtingPoint said...

No honorable mention of James Harden (Guard, Arizona State)? Ouch... Freshman 4th in scoring in the pac-10 and only using 10 shot attempts per game to get there, unlike OJ Mayo who hoists up six more shots per game for only a two more point per game avg.

Anonymous said...

There is just no letting up on the Big Ten by you, is there? Even when you compliment a player, you still have to get a shot in on the Big Ten. Nice to see a Redhawks mention, though. You haven't really talked about them too much this year. Why is that?


GMoney said...

flohtingpoint, I've only seen the Davils play once this year and they sucked fat dick @ Stanford

Damman, the Big Ten with it. Am I wrong? Does Hummel look like a baller? Do Naymick and Koufos not suck? My RedHawks have been up and down obviously. And to be honest, who the hell wants to read my Miami hoops ramblings???

J Beanie said...

I'd take Eric Maynor as someone to take the last shot for my team. You have to love this guy. He beats Duke in the first round last year, after scoring 9 straight points when his VCU teams was down 7 in their conference championship game, and this year is playing even better. You have to love this guy.

On a random thought going back to the post on Berman, there is one thing I can't believe all of us over looked. His ever annoying "whooooooop" call for any miss play or even any play where a ball goes in the air. I turned SportsCenter on yesterday morning but wasn't looking at the TV. All I heard was Berman going "whooooooop, whooooooop, whoooooop" honestly 6 times in 15 seconds. I was still half asleep but this woke me up and make me change the channel because the other option was rip out my ear drums and I still kind of like to hear some things.

Anonymous said...

Yeah it was on his rendition of the Stanford Cal return, there were what 6 laterals so there were at least 15 Whooooops on that segment.

Shouldn't the fact that Jamar Bulter has been Glinco'ed put him on one of those list somewhere. If I am out of people's terminology with this I would be happy to explain.

Jon Saul

Anonymous said...

Pleas expalin, John. Is there a chillem involved?


GMoney said...

What the fuck are you guys talking about? I bet this is some sort of homo-speak that only Buckeye and Brady Quinn fans understand.

Kyle said...

Eric Bell, Stephen F. Austin

Anonymous said...

Glinko = Jamar Butler fooling around ith Lindsey Glanz, to what extent I do not know. And as far as I am concered Dammon, there was a Chillum involved. There always is!!!!!

Jon Saul

Johnny Jungle said...

great stuff just great