Monday, January 07, 2008
Well, my Redskins had their season ended this weekend...dammit. I hate it when the season ends. But I can't dwell on it though, I've got a fucking blog to run. Alas, some teams are still playing. And I'd rather break down shitty NFL play than discuss what's going to happen tonight in the BCS Championship(?) Game that finally ends the shitty college football season. So let's get on with it, this is an abrreviated version of "The Worst Of" with one player from each game and a special bonus turd from outside the world of the NFL.
Dishonorable Mention: My Predictions - Wow, 1-3. If you are looking at me for gambling advice, you have some serious issues. But that will not stop me from continuing to give gambling advice.
5. The MAC - Dear God, what a painful time to be a fan of MAC football. The MAC had a chance to justify being a three bid league this past weekend and completely fell flat on their faces. After Central Michigan's inspiring comeback effort against an abysmal Purdue earlier, Ball State and BGSUCKS had the chance to represent the conference against superior competition. I'm not trying to say that Rutgers and Tulsa are good, but a win from either MAC school would be considered a big upset and a good win for the league. The result: Bigger schools 115, MAC 37. Ouch. Bowling Green is just a terrible team that should not have gone bowling anyway, but thanks to the crappiness of my alma mater, they were granted the right to get blown out. Ball State also sucks and they made Ray Rice look like Barry Sanders. Two programs that weren't ready for the big time. They should be given a 5 year bowl ban. Seriously, maybe the MAC should go back to being just a one or two bid league...it's hard to justify why 3 teams get a bowl paycheck if they can't even compete.
4. Jeff Garcia - Ol' Limp Wrist looked pretty bad yesterday, didn't he? I am shocked. Tom Coughlin and Elisha Manning won a road game in the playoffs and were dominating doing it. The game itself was boring seeing that I watched the PBA and the Cavs game over it, and Garcia's performance made me glad that I didn't pay attention closely. Maybe resting all of your players for two weeks isn't a good idea, Jon Gruden. Especially with your QB who relies on timing and quick decision making as his motus operandi (Latin!!!). Oh well, Tampa wasn't very good anyway and only made the playoffs because their division is the worst in football. Next week though, NYG @ DAL...I could definitely enjoy that. You know, because I'll be rooting for terrorists.
3. Albert Haynesworth - Sometimes, the most meaningless little play can change everything. Yesterday, during the Titans/Bolts suckfest, that one play was Haynesworth jumping offsides and crushing Bolts QB (and slave trader) Phil Rivers. Why do I call him a slave trader? Well, he's from the South, he looks like a rich kid, and I've never seen any of his black teammates talk to him without screaming at him. Anyway, when Haynesworth did this, the Titans were up 6-0 and the Chargers were dead. They had no momentum and looked lost. A direct result of having Norv Turner as your coach. After that play, the Bolts were jacked up again and ripped off a 17-0 run to end the game. You don't do shit like that. Grown men don't take too kindly to cheap shots and tend to use it as motivation. Speaking of motivation, I was almost certain that this game would suck balls, so I watched Reno 911: Miami and moved the game to the medium screen...best decision ever. Funny movie, I wasn't expecting that much as far as the plot goes. And everyone enjoys a good topless scene, right?
2. Shaun Suisham - My time to talk about the Redskins! I wish it were in a better tone. Who can I blame for this loss??? Many candidates come to mind. Jamie Moyer whipping the Seattle crowd into a frenzy proving that octogenarians can still move around OK. The offensive line didn't block anyone in the first half and couldn't run block for shit. C-Port, Cooooooooooley, and Moss all dropped huge passes. Santana (possibly my least favorite Redskin ever) even had that classic pick six given up because he gave up on the route. Todd Collins was OK given the situation but at the end, the Seahawks knew he had to throw and he started making mistakes because of that. You're never going to win when your backup QB drops back 50+ times. No, no, Suisham draws all of my ire. I truly believe that had that dickhead Bowling Green kicker made the 30 fucking yard FG to go up 17-13, the Skins win that game. They would have had every ounce of momentum. You could tell, how they came back to take the lead, that 21 was there and helping them. But after that missed chip shot, 21 just said, "fuck this, you're on your own...I tried my best." Fuck you, Shaun Suisham, you prick. And yes, hahaha, the Skins made a big deal about beating the Cowboys by 21 and then lost in the playoffs by 21. I get it, you're a douche.
1. Medium-Sized Ben Roethlisberger - Not good, not good at all. Ben must not like the idea of me owning his throwback Miami jersey because he stunk up the joint on Saturday night. Taking 6 sacks, throwing 3 picks, and fumbling at the end does not cut it in the NFL or hell, even at Bowling Green (they are drawing a lot of negative attention from me today...and why not, it is the birthplace of AIDS). To be fair, his teammates pretty much all suck but Ben is the leader as the QB and has to be the fall guy here. That was a great finish though. David Garrard proved to everyone that he's better than Derek Anderson (like Rick Astley, I'm never gonna give this up). If you don't love Mo-Jo Drew, you don't like football. Oh God, I'm starting to sound like Peter King. All that being said, Ben cost the Steelers the right to get blasted by the Patriots...maybe that's not a bad thing.
Alright, I'm out. Like I said last week, I'm picking the Buckeyes to win a low scoring squeaker tonight. I have to admit, it was hilarious to hear from my buddies down in N'Awlins that they were two blackjack tables away from Lee Corso. Would you like to hit or stay? No so fast my friend.