Monday, January 14, 2008

The Worst of The Conference Semis

Before we get started today, I do have a personal announcement. Yes, I did get engaged this weekend (to a woman!). But this is a blog, dammit, not the Ellen Show. We focus on being a complete dickhead here, not our feelings. And to quote the great Terrell Owens (kind of), "this is my blog...this is my release from work...and to criticize it, it's unfair." So let's talk about some NFL goodness because God knows, it was great this weekend. Sadly, we only have 3 games left in the season but we can still beat them to death in the meantime.

Much like I thought, Saturday's games sucked and Sunday's games (especially the NFC East tilt) were fantastic. My predictions rebounded as I went 3-1 straight up and 2-2 ATS. Not great, but not bad either. And to be honest, no one outside of southern California had the Bolts even staying close yesterday. I'll take it. Let's get going, a 5 pack of sucktitude...

5. Jerry Austin - Not only is this decrepit monkey skeleton a walking corpse of a referee who should have retired 5 years ago, but he is apparently crooked, too. Seriously, the guy looks and sounds worse than Dick Clark. The NFL should be ashamed at how obvious the refs were trying to get the Colts a win yesterday. It was like they weren't even trying to be objective. Two calls stand out to me. First, on the Cromartie pick before halftime, the refs made up a holding call on Eric Weddle to negate the touchdown. And second, in the 4th quarter, safety Clinton Hart was called for a pass interference on Reggie Wayne even though he never touched him and the ball was overthrown by 10 yards. This crew should be fired. That was pathetic. Watching the Jags/Pats game, I noticed something that scared the shit out of me and made me call blog commenter and man likely not allowed back into the state of Louisiana ever again, Damman...Jerome fucking Boger was refereeing a playoff game!!! Scary, scary stuff.

4. Jacksonville's Linebackers - I really don't have a big problem with how the Jags played. They played hard, they were physical, and they didn't make a ton of mistakes, but they just weren't good enough to beat the Patriots. You've got to feel a little bit bad for the Jags though. I think that they are the second best team in the NFL, better than the Colts, and would steam-roll through the NFC...they are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But that being said, the linebackers (as I said on Friday) were slow and provided no blitz pressure at all. Laurence Maroney isn't very good yet they couldn't stop him. Brady was able to drop passes on them in their soft zone all night. It just wasn't a very good performance by these guys. A few more things about the Jags before we take them out back and shoot them. I love this team. David Garrard is a top 8 QB. Jack Del Rio is a fantastic coach. The running backs and special teams are all top notch. They know what they are doing down there, they aren't going anywhere.

3. Seattle's Pass Rush - Let me get out the old prediction quote here..."But, to me, they seem like that team that is great at home but sucks on the road. They still have no running game, their QB isn't that good, and their defense thrives off the home crowd noise." Wow, could I have been more right? They do suck on the road. Shaun Alexander still sucks no matter what anyone else tries to say. Their QB isn't that good. Yes, he is a whiny, bald bitch, but he isn't good. And their defense, outside of QWest Field, is mediocre at best. They are a defense built for dry conditions. If you throw in any weather elements, they are done. By the way, I was ready to put Ryan Grant at #1 after his shitty start. Good for him for righting the ship and realizing that if you don't turn the ball over, the Seahawks will roll over and die. I loved the classic cliche of the frozen tundra coming to fruition...hilarious. You just know that John Madden was watching that game on his bus and grinding his dick raw as Brett Favre was "acting like a kid out there".

2. Peyton Manning, Marvin Harrison, and Bob Sanders - The Colts should be ashamed of themselves. That is inexcusable. I love how everyone was all "the Colts are flying under the radar". Maybe they were under the radar because they weren't that good and no one wanted to talk about them. Manning had the worst 400 yard passing game I've ever seen, Addai has been average all year, and the defense never was really that good. And if CBS showed Marvin Harrison one more time I was going to break the TV. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING besides that awesome fumble of his. He wasn't "back" either. Oh, he was on the field, but he hurt the team when he was out there. And can we now say that (besides Brian Billick) Tony Dungy is the worst Super Bowl winning coach of all time??? Seriously, he's had one of the two best teams in football over the last 6-7 years and he has only one Super Bowl appearance to show for it. I mean for God's sake, you were outcoached by Norville Turner!!! In your barn!!! But enough about the Colts, I have to give some major credit to the Bolts. They won that game in Indy with no LT, a hobbling Gates, a terrible QB, and a rotten coach. That is impressive. For the first time all season, Rivers did look pretty good when he was in there. But you had to laugh when he hurt his knee after not getting touched on a screen pass. Good stuff. I could do without his immature trash talk that makes him look pathetic, but he played very well yesterday. And he's going to need to play twice as good if they want to have a shot next Sunday.

1. TONY ROMO!!! - My upset special was nailed right on the head this weekend and I couldn't be more pleased. Let's break down what we know, shall we? Tony Romo is the reason that Tony Romo is 0-2 in the playoffs. Wade Phillips has never won in the postseason (and never will). Like Brandon Jacobs said earlier this year, Patrick Crayton sucks. Roy Williams is still the most overrated player in football. Brandon Jacobs is the one guy in the NFL that I wouldn't try to tackle even if I would get a million dollars for the attempt. Eli Manning is tits on the road. The Cowboys 4th quarter offense looked like they called nothing but "60 stretch far(yawn)"!!! Man, I'm hilarious. That was a very well crafted Diet Pepsi Max joke. Is there anything better than T.O.'s tears in the press conference after the game? I think not. "That's my teammate. That's my quarterback. To criticize him, it's unfair." I watched that 4-5 times last night and laughed maniacally after each showing. Classic. Oh wait, there is one thing that is funnier than T.O. Yeah, watching plastic-face Jerry Jones stand on the sidelines a loser...AGAIN!!! If I haven't made it perfectly clear to you all earlier, I fucking hate the Cowboys. Go to Hell, Romo, I always knew you sucked. You didn't fool me. Enjoy blowing Joe Simpson all winter.

Well there you have it. We've got a couple of pretty good games for the conference championships coming up this weekend. But on that note, I'm out of here, I've got to go to the mall and see if I can get some sunglasses like T.O. was wearing last know, to hide the tears.


Upstate Underdog said...

Congrats on the engagement.

The T in T.O. will forever now stand for tears or tearsy. Take your pick.

J Beanie said...

Speaking of crappy Refs, did you see Leon the Ref doing a game too?

I don't know why you get your panties in a bunch over Jacksonville. If they are as good as you say, and Jack Del Rio is as good of a coach as you say, where did the running game go in the playoffs? That was what won them games during the regular season. When they relied on Garrard (very good but not a top 8 QB) in the playoffs, they barely beat the Steelers (even though he almost cost them the game) and lost much more convincingly than the score indicates to the Pats. If running is what got you to the playoffs, a good team/coach would make sure that's what you do in the playoffs.

Finally, Congrats on the engagement. Just a thought though, I'm guessing she asked you and you made her get down on a knee, right? When did she find time to do this if you were watching all this football all weekend?

saul hudson said...

Those are gonna be some pasty kids, but a Big congratulations for reeling in a woman! Oh, and I would love to watch you try to tackle Marion Barber III!

GMoney said...

Beanie, if your old buddy, Dennis Northcutt, doesn't alligator arm a touchdown in the 4th quarter, the Jags are right in there.

Garrard is a top 8 QB, he doesn't make mistakes but is a lot more than a game manager.

hudson, yeah, barber would be on that list, too, but Jacobs is still #1.

J Beanie said...

Maybe, but Jax had to know when they signed D-Cutt that he would find a way to blow a playoff game just like he did in Cleveland. It's his MO. (What's MO even mean? Is that still used in the real business world?)

J Beanie said...

Oh, forgot to say, (I think this could be a middle finger but) how happy are you that ESPN brought in Herm Edwards for the playoffs? You must feel like it's Christmas ever time you turn on the World Wide Leader.

Also, how about mine Bobcats beating your Redskins, err, RedHawks?!?! Go OU!!!

stonybrown said...

G$ - I thought TO was crying because you are now off the market.

jbeanie - M.O. = modus operandi. Sue Cameron rocks some Latin.