Tuesday, January 08, 2008
This picture makes me smile...
OK, first things first. Let's talk a little bit about the BCS title game last night. As a guy who is used to watching his teams embarrass themselves, it feels good to see the Buckeyes continue to shit the bed on a national level with everyone watching. I love it. 0-9 against the SEC...you can go ahead and shut the fuck up now. You didn't belong, you coasted through an easy schedule, and you still remain a joke to everyone outside of Ohio (and to me inside Ohio). My prediction, using reverse psychology worked, too!!! To sum things up, because this isn't the topic for today, Todd Boeckman is terrible, the Buckeyes defense is slow, Les Miles is clearly 14 points better than Jim Tressel, and the SEC fans get another year+ of laughing at the OSU program. That is punishment enough.
This week's Middle Finger goes to Ohio State and Michigan fans...and let me explain.
I was at a posh dinner party last weekend (Ha!), and was talking football with infamous blog reader, political pundit, and sexy man about town, Greg. You see he is one of the few Michigan fans that inhabits central Ohio and has to deal with all the scarlet and gray crap on a daily basis (much like me). The talk around the shindig was how all these Buckeye fans were rooting for UM to beat Florida in the Meaningless Bowl. They thought that he should thus root for the Buckeyes to beat LSU. His response, which I completely agree with, was "hell no, bitchcakes." The argument expressed by Buckeye fans was that they are supporting the Big Ten. My rebuttal to that is that it is never OK to root for your arch nemesis. Under any circumstances. Michigan opens the season next year against the Taliban? "Go Taliban" should be your reply.
I am constantly told that Ohio State and Michigan is the greatest rivalry in sports. I, of course, am smart and completely disagree with that asinine point of view. You see, if they are truly your rival and you earnestly believe that this is the best and most hate-filled rivalry since the Cold War, then it should never even enter your mind that you would want the other team to win. Like all smart people, I know that the Yankees and Red Sox is the greatest event in the sporting realm. Do you think Yankees fans (besides that fraud Rudy Giuliani) were pulling for the Sox to beat the Rockies? Fuck no. Do you think Alabama fans were on pins and needles praying that Auburn would beat Clemson in the Cock Ring Bowl? Do you think that African American hookers around the world are hoping that the Duke LaCrosse team goes undefeated? No way. And you know why? Because those are real rivalries. The Ohio State/Michigan rivalry is a sham. Not to toot my own horn, but when I was in college, Miami's big rival in football was Marshall. Leftwich vs. Big Ben was a thing of beauty. Now maybe it's just the tasteless nature of this blogger, but let's just say that I didn't mind throwing out a few plane crash jokes after a coupld of chardonnays. Needless to say, I would have rather lived in Joe Buck's house than cheer on the Herd. That's the way rivalries work.
The Big Ten could go undefeated the next 5 years in their bowl games and it still wouldn't matter. The public perception of the conference is so poor right now that it would take at least 10 years to mend. But honestly, who cares? Who cares what hillbillies from the South and Mark May think about you? Since when did their opinions matter? When you are at your lowest point, that is when you stick to your guns and focus back on the fundamentals. The fundamentals, in this case, is your hatred toward your enemy. Look, both Ohio State and Michigan are hilarious jokes in the current national sporting landscape, it's time to go back to your roots. Bring the hate back. You don't just hate them for one week and then scream your head off for them to win 6 weeks later...that isn't how it's done.
Now I'm going to do something that I hate, I'm going to think like a Buckeye fan. Why in the world would I want Michigan to have any success at all? For the most part, we recruit the same damn players. If Michigan has success, hires a vibrant coach with a fun offense, and beats Heisman in their bowl game, wouldn't this effect us, OSU, negatively on the recruiting trail? I mean, we (OSU) just embarrassed ourselves again, doesn't UM look like a better place to go right now at this moment? I don't know about all that, but it makes you think. You should never want your arch rival to do anything positive. You should want them to suffer. You should want them to lose every game they play and suffer from an SMU-style "death penalty".
I just don't get it. Like I mentioned earlier, I could never ever ever root for the Red Sox. I was even placed in the unenviable situation in October of wanting the Indians to lose but the Red Sox to not win. The result...I didn't watch it. That is how you maintain a rivalry. There is no gray area. You can't have it both ways. You can't hate them one game and then pull for them the next. And that is why this rivalry is a big ass joke.
So enjoy this week's Middle Finger Buckeye and Wolverine fans...maybe you can use it to help find your testicles. I have a feeling that the comments are going to blow up today...bring it on. You know I'm right. And yes, I know that Joey Joe Joe Gibbs stepped down today, I need 24 hours to digest this sad info.